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In thinking my friend has lost the plot !

(17 Posts)
ninathenana Fri 09-Dec-11 20:39:41

My friend has a 23 yr old daughter with diagnosed mental heath problems. She lives at home with mum n dad in a very small council 2 bed bungalow.

Apart from contravening the tenancy agreement. Do you think as I do that she's being very foolish, to put it mildly! In letting her daughter's bf move in permanently, when the 1st time any of them met him was 2 wks ago. Daughter had been chatting to him on line for 4mths but only met face to face when he came to stay for weekend 2 wks ago.

As my daughter put it "He could be an axe murderer for all they know"

Carol Fri 09-Dec-11 21:02:30

Don't worry - he'll move out again in a few days. These sort of relationships (if you can call them that) don't last 5 minutes.

gracesmum Fri 09-Dec-11 21:30:39

The whole question of sexuality, freedom and responsibility when there is a mental health problem seems a very fraught area. Perhaps this way they feel they can keep an eye on their daughter's welfare?

tanith Fri 09-Dec-11 21:40:27

Maybe as gracesmum says its their way of keeping their daughter close, maybe the boyfriend has asked her to move in with him and they would prefer to keep her closeby for when it all goes wrong as it most probably will.

glammanana Sat 10-Dec-11 15:52:12

ninathenana I would worry about this,are the parents easily put upon by people ? are they frightened for their daughter's welbeing,I would worry about someone giving up his previous lifestyle to move in so quickly with a new partner, is the BF moving away from problems or someone.I would make it my business to keep in touch with your friend just in case they have problems they may not be able to cope with.So sorry to sound alarmist but I have heard to much of this sort of thing in recent times.

Annobel Sat 10-Dec-11 16:02:03

I have come across such situations. Are they claiming Housing Benefit? Does he have an income - wages or JSA? Is he making a contribution to the rent? Is he there for a free ride? So many questions should have been asked before he moved in and maybe they have been. Hope so or they could be in trouble one way or another?

ninathenana Sun 11-Dec-11 14:11:49

they think it will be good for their daughter. this is her 1st BF.

He didn't suggest her moving in with him. He does not work, as he comes from a rural area and does not drive. I feel his whole agenda is cheap accommodation in an area with more prospects. Sorry if that sounds really cynical. I just worry how the daughter will react if it all goes wrong. She has attempted suicide on 3 previous occasions.

Yes Annobel, They are all claiming benifits, my friend, husband and daughter are all on long term sickness benifits plus housing etc. and bf is on JSA. I agree another person living there would affect their claims.

Annobel Sun 11-Dec-11 16:45:58

What an unholy mess - I don't think anything good will come of this. though I may be wrong. A freeloader is not going to be the best experience of a relationship for this unfortunate young woman, but I can see that her parents have been put in an extremely awkward position.

petallus Sun 11-Dec-11 16:49:36

I think there are a lot of assumptions being made here. We haven't heard from the people concerned.

Annobel Sun 11-Dec-11 17:32:19

That's true. petallus, but we have heard from a trusted friend who is concerned about the effect this could have on the family. She did ask for our opinions and whether or not she was right to be worried.

greenmossgiel Sun 11-Dec-11 17:39:23

What is your friend saying about all this, ninathenana? Does she seem worried about it? hmm

glammanana Sun 11-Dec-11 17:41:36

This would have me very worried if it where a friend of mine petallus it being her first boyfriend and two weeks later he has moved in,what kind of checks have the family done,he could be anybody as mentioned before.Is there no way the family can have a social worker talk to the girl and maybe advise her on birth control etc as the family sound that they may need some support of some kind here.

ninathenana Sun 11-Dec-11 22:24:44

petallus. Yes I agree, there are two sides to every story.

But I find it hard to imagine that having talked to someone for 4 mths and one meeting. That he could decide he has strong enough feelings for a permanant relationship.

I would love to be proved wrong.

green No my friend seems to think it's all very natural.

petallus Sun 11-Dec-11 22:25:53

Yes, I see what everybody means but I still feel uneasy. Do we know what is meant by 'diagnosed mental health problems' for instance? Can we be sure the parents are not competent to look after their daughter's welfare (if she really is seriously mentally ill)? The boyfriend could probably be asked to move out again if problems arise. And so on. But mainly it's that we are all discussing this family, without them getting a chance to have a say and I assume without their knowledge. I know I wouldn't like it to happen to me. Sorry!

glammanana Sun 11-Dec-11 22:43:48

Lets just keep our fingers crossed that things work out well for this young girl and that she finds some happiness with this young man.

greenmossgiel Mon 12-Dec-11 14:56:10

At least she isn't living alone with him. Perhaps mum and dad feel relaxed about things as they've been aware of how things have gone when she's chatted with him online and feel that she's (so far) benefited from the relationship? We don't know what type of mental health problems the young woman has. Are there other family members who can show support (visiting regularly, etc)?

ninathenana Wed 14-Dec-11 16:11:22

I take petallus' point that I'm not appearing to be much of a friend by discussing this here.

I will just say that the young lady has been diagnosed bi polar with suicidal tendancies.

This discussion is now closed. thanks