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Mystery man - AIBU to want to know more about him?

(91 Posts)
gettingonabit Tue 27-Dec-11 15:29:10

I have been invited out by a mysterious man in the neighbourhood whom I have never met. He wants me to go with him to a couple of quite posh (by my standards!) do's. However, I know nothing about him - what he looks like, how old he is or where he lives. All I have is his name and his phone number. I'd like to say yes, but am wary of committing myself to a total stranger.

I feel I need to know more about him first, but don't want to keep him hanging on waiting for a reply. What would you do??

bagitha Tue 27-Dec-11 15:31:44

Say to him that you'd like to accept but he's a stranger to you so you are wary and would like to know more about him. If he's a decent chap he'll understand completely. If he gives a shirty answer you'll know to keep away.

greenmossgiel Tue 27-Dec-11 15:34:13

Would you be going by yourself to meet the man? Do any of your friends know him, gettingonabit? How did you find out that he wanted to meet up with you? Excuse all of the questions, but I would take care not to make any decisions to meet up with him until you've found out a bit more about him. smile

grannyactivist Tue 27-Dec-11 15:45:24

Definite no-no as far as I'm concerned. Call him, and as Baggy says, explain that you need to meet him (preferably in a local cafe/pub) before agreeing to accompany him anywhere.

JessM Tue 27-Dec-11 15:46:55

I agree. Suggest a coffee to suss him out before signing up for a whole evening!

gettingonabit Tue 27-Dec-11 15:47:38

green - no - he's a total stranger. He saw me in the neighbourhood, and sent me a letter.

mrshat Tue 27-Dec-11 15:56:47

Hmmmm ............. I'm with Bagitha and*GrannyA*. You can never be too careful in these situations. However, he is probably a very nice person! hmm

glammanana Tue 27-Dec-11 16:35:50

I would be very careful with this gettingonabit he has obviously followed you home to find out your address or has someone told him your address ? you can never never be too careful,think twice and be safe.

gettingonabit Tue 27-Dec-11 16:42:41

I don't think he followed me, glammanana - he's seen me around a couple of times and in my front garden. I'd just love to know who he is, out of curiosity if nothing else!

greenmossgiel Tue 27-Dec-11 16:44:03

Oh - gettingonabit don't go to meet him. If he's got any sense at all he wouldn't use this approach. You only just have to look at any newspaper to see the dangers that lurk everywhere. If this was your daughter, what would you say to her if she told you she was going to go out alone with someone she knew nothing whatsoever about?

bagitha Tue 27-Dec-11 16:45:36

You say you don't know where he lives, gettingonabit, which suggests he didn't put his address on the letter he sent you. VERY fishy! Take care.

glammanana Tue 27-Dec-11 16:48:28

I would then tend to think if he had seen you in the garden he would pass comment on say : "how nice your garden looks " "what nice weather we are having" that sort of thing to break the ice so to your comments are spot on if it was my DD it would be a definate no no.

shysal Tue 27-Dec-11 16:50:43

I see on another thread that you are in an unhappy relationship. If your partner were to find out wouldn't life become rather complicated?Is it worth rocking the boat when you don't even know if you will like this man? Or maybe you hope it could lead to a way out for you.
You deserve happiness, so I wish you luck with this tricky dilemma, just don't take any risks. thanks

gracesmum Tue 27-Dec-11 16:54:17

Would you be happy for your daughter to do this? No.
OK he may be shy, but surely somebody knows him or something about him.
I would agree with the others and take the advice given on dating websites - meet on neutral territory in a public place at the very least. They don't stop being nutters just because they are a bit more mature shock

gettingonabit Tue 27-Dec-11 17:13:20

shysal - yes - you're right. My relationship is pretty much over now though. I think I'm flattered and curious more than anything else and I don't want a relationship, just a bit of fun for a change!

It all sounds a bit odd, now I'm thinking about it again. Odd he didn't put his address on the letter, odd he's seen me but hasn't spoken. Perhaps he even followed me home! Definitely a no-no, methinks!

Thanks all, for your thoughts.

Elegran Tue 27-Dec-11 17:16:48

I would also add a possibility - as all you have is a phone number, maybe he has done a maildrop to all the ladies in your street saying he has seen them in the garden and would like them to go out somewhere with him. He could be counting on a percentage return.

I knew a chap once who, when he went to a dance, asked each partner "did she? would she?" and reckoned to get a result from at least one during the evening. To him it was worth risking a very cold shoulder from the rest.

Be careful, gettingonabit you have never even met him.

Libradi Tue 27-Dec-11 17:42:48

I can understand you being curious but I definitely wouldn't go with him on your own. Sounds very odd to me although it could be quite harmless, as you have his name maybe you could ask around the neighbourhood and see if anyone knows him.

Greatnan Tue 27-Dec-11 17:54:49

Look him up on the electoral register. Can you tell from his handwriting/notepaper if he is a touch odd? Green ink on lined paper would be a turn-off for me!
It is not normal to send a letter without a return address. I know in France you can obtain an address from a phone number, but I don't know if that works in the UK.

harrigran Tue 27-Dec-11 18:26:26

I don't think I would enter into any conversation or relationship on the strength of a letter without an address. We read about conmen in the newspapers and they can be quite believable but cause a lot of grief. I would be very wary.

NannaAnna Tue 27-Dec-11 19:15:41

Ooh ... but it is a little bit exciting too, isn't it?
I'd probably arrange to meet for a coffee, and find out a bit more about him. Once you've done that, do you have friends and acquaintances who could help you piece together the story?
(eg: has he actually sent out a 'round robin' in the hope of getting a hit? Is he known to be a bit odd, or very shy?)
I'd be too intrigued to do nothing wink

em Tue 27-Dec-11 19:25:48

I'd say do a bit more finding out but don't kill the idea dead just yet. It's no worse than arranging a sensible meeting with someone you meet online. He may be a lovely guy who has fancied you from afar for ages and has finally plucked up courage to start the 'getting to know you' process. Of course you'd have more sense than just to jump into a potentially dangerous situation but do ask around a little (and please let us know what you decide!!)

Gally Tue 27-Dec-11 19:26:42

You can get an address if you google Phonebook, enter the surname and city and up it pops - phone number, address and post code - unless of course it's ex directory.

Carol Tue 27-Dec-11 20:37:26

I agree with em. Find out some more, particularly his address, and have a quiet check to see what you can find out. I had a letter from a man who came to give me a gardening estimate a few years ago. He wanted to take me out, after he had completed my gardening. There were so many things making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up that I rejected his gardening quote but took my reply letter round to his house personally. I was shocked to find a derelict house with no evidence of the man being a gardener - it was so overgrown I had to drive past twice to find the front path. A few days later I spotted him in Tesco with a trolley full of cheap cider, beer and vodka - no food.

If you are getting funny vibes about him, listen to those signals.

gettingonabit Wed 28-Dec-11 11:03:08

carol - what a great story to tell your grandkids! A gardening quote!! How resourceful is THAT!

He only has a mobile number. He says he lives locally. I've got a friend to ring the number to get his surname and I've tried 192 without success. I've tried facebook, without success. I've tried the electoral roll, without success. He could easily be new to the area, so may not be registered anyway.

I don't know what I can do now. I either meet him, or turn him down flat. If he's a chancer - and that's a possibility - I've had a lucky escape. If he's not, I've missed out on the chance to meet someone who could potentially be quite nice. I'm still intrigued.

Anything else I could try?

bagitha Wed 28-Dec-11 11:08:06

You could try ignoring his letter.