Gransnet forums


Mystery man - AIBU to want to know more about him?

(92 Posts)
gettingonabit Tue 27-Dec-11 15:29:10

I have been invited out by a mysterious man in the neighbourhood whom I have never met. He wants me to go with him to a couple of quite posh (by my standards!) do's. However, I know nothing about him - what he looks like, how old he is or where he lives. All I have is his name and his phone number. I'd like to say yes, but am wary of committing myself to a total stranger.

I feel I need to know more about him first, but don't want to keep him hanging on waiting for a reply. What would you do??

bagitha Wed 28-Dec-11 11:09:07

It is one of your options.

Elegran Wed 28-Dec-11 11:28:07

I know what I would do, but then I have Mr Elegran, who is a far better catch than than this elusive possible stalker who does not appear to have any existence other than this letter.

gettingonabit Wed 28-Dec-11 11:29:13

bagitha - I could, but I would rather be polite about it as he's taken the trouble to write.

Elegran Wed 28-Dec-11 11:38:50

gettingonabit At the bottom line, you will end up doing whatever seems best to you, after reading all the responses. However, make sure you are not pressurised by "politeness" and (frankly) moral blackmail into continuing contact further than is wise just because he has taken the trouble to write.

People take the trouble to write to us in bulk trying to sell us things we do not need or persuade us to help them to get a dodgy fortune out of Nigeria, but we are under absolutely no obligation to reply. He must have taken this into consideration when he wrote.

Do you want to buy what he is selling? Are you selling what he wants to buy?

greenmossgiel Wed 28-Dec-11 11:40:31

Yes, but (!) gettingonabit, although he's taken the trouble to write to you, he hasn't had the sense to realise (or has he?) that you may need to know a bit more about him than he's just seen you, likes what he sees, and wants to take you out. If he's trying to tempt you into taking you out to 'fancy' places, why? Does he think that he's going to impress you by this? Is he trying to show you that he's well-off? He could be a mad axeman (or not), but to invite you to quite 'posh do's', he would need to be aware of what these 'do's' are about.

bagitha Wed 28-Dec-11 12:08:40

Sorry to be cynical, gettingonabit, but I don't count not including one's address or any useful information in a phishing letter to be "taking trouble". However flattered I felt by such a letter, alarm bells would be ringing loud and clear. You will do what you want to do and that is fine; I was just putting forward a point of view because you asked. Whatever you decide, I hope all goes well for you.

glammanana Wed 28-Dec-11 12:18:50

gettingonabit are you sure you are not looking at this invitation as a way of maybe getting out of the unhappy relationship you are in at the moment and possibly using it to add some interest into your life at present,are you sure you would be ready to cut all ties with your partner if anything came of a new relationship,there is a saying "the grass is not always greener" as they say,just be very careful as to what you decide to do.I wish you well.

Elegran Wed 28-Dec-11 12:19:05

And, gettingonabit if you do decide to live dangerously and meet this anonymous Lothario, do what you would have advised your daughters to do.

Meet him in a very public place, make your own arrangements to get there and back (prebooked taxi perhaps, to put a prebooked full stop to the outing) have money in your purse to pay for your own expenses so that you can eat independently if you decide to bail out early, tell someone where you will be and when and keep them updated if there is a change of venue, have your mobile phone charged up and ready to use.

Above all - do not hesitate to call a halt to the whole proceedings if you have the least twinge of doubt.

Faye Wed 28-Dec-11 12:21:36

You could have a coffee at a local cafe and suss him out. Otherwise you will always wonder what if....... don't forget to leave his number with a friend, just in case he kidnaps you and you are never seen again. At least they will be able to catch him. hehe, I was getting a bit carried away there. smile

yogagran Wed 28-Dec-11 13:47:27

Could the letter possibly be from the person with whom you are in a failing relationship? Perhaps, if it's your partner he could be trying to trick you

Elegran Wed 28-Dec-11 13:49:28

........and will use your reply as evidence against you ..........

supernana Wed 28-Dec-11 16:22:39

gettingonabit bagitha is right. I've a funny feeling that this person may be a little "iffy"...and "iffy" you can well do without.

gracesmum Wed 28-Dec-11 22:10:50

The clue is in the thread title - " want to know more about him"
That is exactly what you need to do if you are to contemplate meeting this man.


glassortwo Wed 28-Dec-11 22:26:20

getting think this through before you make a decision, he maybe genuine but it does not add up for me.

Carol Wed 28-Dec-11 22:35:37

yogagran you have a devious mind! grin

gettingonabit Thu 29-Dec-11 16:46:05

Thanks all for you input. Having knocked back a few whiskies I plucked up the courage to ring this man up. I turned him down, politely. We had a chat for about fifteen minutes and then he rang off. He was really nice, funny and sort of unassuming - just a normal bloke. He seemed totally legit and all the facts he gave me stacked up. I still don't know a great deal about him - like what he looks like! - but definitely not an axe-wielding monster. He spoke to me respectfully, and we had a proper two-way conversation, and he was interested in what I had to say. I have not had a conversation with my current partner like this for ten years or so! I actually felt that my opnion was worth something, and for the first time in ages felt alive and vital - just like the woman I used to be, in fact, and not just the bloody au-pair or something!

On the plus side, at least I know that there ARE nice blokes out there, and should the opportunity arise again, I will think VERY seriously about how I respond to a similar invitation.

nanachrissy Thu 29-Dec-11 16:52:32

Gettingonabit.. If he sounded normal and you got on ok, why didn't you suggest a (safe) meeting? Didn't he volunteer any more info?

crimson Thu 29-Dec-11 17:45:52

Mobile phones have allowed people to get away wih an awful lot over the years; affairs especially. Might he be married?

bikergran Thu 29-Dec-11 21:51:32

Gosh this is better than any of the soaps!!!

crimson Thu 29-Dec-11 22:17:55

I have a 'cunning plan'. Why doesn't she arrange to meet him..and we can ALL turn up wink...

glammanana Thu 29-Dec-11 22:45:27

Nice one Crimson poor man would be all of a stutter !!!

grannyactivist Thu 29-Dec-11 23:08:09

crimson I like it! grin

Faye Thu 29-Dec-11 23:12:10

Good idea crimson I am sure between us we could spot a creep a mile away. smile smile smile angry ← a creep smile smile

crimson Thu 29-Dec-11 23:37:17

...errr, which one's the creep, Faye.....

supernana Fri 30-Dec-11 13:40:44

gettingonabit My lovely man and I met through Dateline. He proposed on the fourth date [as we were washing dishes] and we were married after twelve weeks [23 years ago.] The best thing that ever happened to both of us. smile However, prior to meeting each other, we met a few unsuitable would-be partners. I wrote about my experiences and The Lady magazine published.