Thank you notes/messages

While knowing it's the thought that counts and a written thank you is very nice to receive, if you get no response at all how are you to know that your gift arrived?

Yes I think you're probably right Baggy, I would still thank someone politely even if I hated the gift, as it is indeed "the thought that counts".

It's me having funny five . Of course it's feb now. I think I'll go to bed. Must be more tired than I realised.
Night all.

Well, that's certainly a tricky one, chrissy, but I have certainly thanked people for presents I didn't like. I'd be thanking them for the kind thought or, perhaps once or twice in my life, simply because it was "the thing to do". At least if one gives a gift simply because one wants to, it doesn't really matter whether there is a thank you or not.

It's not simple though, is it? Social mores never are.

Probably both jeni - the last posting from jingl on this thread was Jan 4th, before she was reincarnated.

Did I see jingl or am I having a funny five minutes?

Love it Granny23!!!

But if the recipient doesn't thank you how do you know if they liked the gift? Surely that's what makes giving so pleasurable?

I'm inclined to agree with you, mousearing. So long as I know a gift has arrived safely at its destination, I am content. What follows may sound a bit nauseating sanctimonious , well, something-of-that-nature..... but the giving of the present is what it's about for me, not the thanks I get. It's lovely when you know someone really appreciates a gift, of course, but most of the satisfaction is from the choosing or making, and sending. At least, I find that.

This thank you letter business is a bit of a pain as far as I am concerned. To me the really important thing is my relationship with my in-laws and out-laws.

My grand daughters are still too young to write but I really don't think I will expect them to...

Thank you letters are so often a chore and as a result... phony!

From The Herald Newspaper:

A GROUP of Newton Mearns matrons was discussing the youth of today, and how grandchildren were tardy in thanking them for presents.

However one of them proudly declared: "I sent my grandson a cheque for his birthday and he came round the very next day to thank me."

As her friends looked on approvingly, she added: "Mind you, I had forgotten to sign it."

But at least I did write!

As a particularly b-minded teenager, I used to write the most fulsome thank-you letters to relatives who had sent me the worst or most useless presents. What do you say about a handkerchief sachet? 'Just what I always wanted' - that's what!

Me too, I always wrote thank you letters or cards from when I was a child and when married we taught ours to always say thank you, one way or another.
Now they always follow the pattern and I am pleased to say our Grandchildren are being encouraged.
It's such an important thing, like manners.!(which are sadly lacking in today's age!)

Just had one of my DiL' s 'thank you' cards, with a photo of the GSs, up to the ears in Christmas packages, and signed by them. I hope this will get them into the habit of writing letters when they are a little older.

I have the same issue with one of my DILs. She will send a thank you card to me supposedly from my Grand daughter, but never for gifts to her. She is very thoughtful when it comes to buying us gifts, but we never get a thank you for gifts we give her....something I can't understand, as it is so easy to say 'thank you'.

My grandsons sometimes forget to say thank you for things I have posted to them, though they are very good about it face to face. Actually I find the older one (10) is getting much better. He really seems to genuinely appreciate things now, so it comes from the heart.

Like Johanna says, they lead such busy lives! Sometimes I think a breathing space would be good for them.

I only get a mumbled thank you on skype sometimes ...or i have to ask...i found this Christmas it was even more expensive than ever to post...so i will.. except for (very lightweight items) be sending them money through Tesco's or similar....then they can go and buy exactly what they want! but i would never have a dispute about anything...its a fine line you walk..even more so when they live across the world..

Ninathenana i would check my bank account if i was you..the cheque may not have reached them!

GrannyTunnocks! Where have you been? Not heard from you for a long while.

It is nice to get a thank you note or even a phone call or text but it is not worth making a fuss about. Young people are a bit lax about such things. My daughter decided a few years ago to stop sending Christmas cards. It bothered me at first but I would not fall out with her about it.

I agree with most of the posts here - and think it is very sad when an adult or child is not taught to either say or write a thank you when you have bothered to post a parcel to them or they have been to an "event" such as a birthday party at your home.

So........whenever I receive a present in the post, or stay with one of the famiy or attend a party or dinner - I always write a thank you to them and somehow, over time, this has had an impact as now, they do the same to me......so sometimes it does embarrass people into returning the gesture, albeit the modern trend is to do it via Facebook, text or whatever - it is the gesture that counts.

A thank you is really appreciated and really can make someone's day!!

To Teddymac,
Yes, it really hurts.
They don't realize how much thought and care we put into those presents.
Their non-reaction really makes us feel that we are at the bottom of their queue.
Maybe they can't help it.
They seem to lead such " fast " lives, either trying to keep their heads above the water, or making sure to stay at the " top of the heap! "
It is a completely different world to the one we grew up in.
I am sure they know this, and maybe even resent us for it. Especially dil's.

gracesmum

I am going to go against the grain here. If I give a present face to face then I would expect a thank you and eye contact. If I send one in the post or pass one via a third person, then it has gone, the gift has been given. A lot of thank you letters are written as a chore and tend to be a bit samey.

The gift is a gift, I dont expect written stuff back, and I do think it is a cultural thing.

I always e-mail or telephone to say that gifts have arrived. I speak to my daughter in England very often and say thank you by phone, text or Skype.

My grandchildren here in France write thank you notes but in French as they are not good at writing English yet so my daughter puts a note in to explain them.