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To be annoyed

(87 Posts)
numberplease Tue 27-Dec-11 20:35:31

That my husband has hardly touched his meals all over Christmas, yet can find room for fruit, jelly and cream afterwards, and chocolates. We needn`t have bothered buying a turkey, he`s only nibbled at his, and my daughter says there was nothing wrong with it, and it tasted OK to me. He says it`s because he`s not as hungry these days, but in that case, how come he can eat the fancy stuff? There was even a row at teatime today, he said there was too much on his plate, yet I deliberately gave him less than usual. I`m sorry to be such a misery, it`s just getting me down.

Carol Tue 27-Dec-11 20:39:00

He's reverted to childhood numberplease!

Greatnan Tue 27-Dec-11 20:49:29

I would let him eat as much or as little as he wants - I am sure he is not doing it to annoy you! My own appetite has waned but I do sometimes fancy some ice-cream or a lemon yoghurt.
Trying to control someone else's eating is bound to end in tears.

bikergran Tue 27-Dec-11 21:17:15

yes must agree with Greatnan over the last few months my hubby has not eaten much..he has gone off bacon/eggs/and other things..he prefers juts a snadwich and peice of cake cheese n crackers etc....I also go off foods at times, and just like to graze..i think sometimes the thought of sitting down to a meal is juts off putting, sometimes my hubby just has a tin of fruit and cream and brown bread...

gracesmum Tue 27-Dec-11 21:19:33

Men can be like that - I get upset if DH doesn't eat what he is given as I do think I am a good cook, but he said just tis evening that he doesn't have the appetite he used to especially for rich food of the type we all put on the table at Christmas. Nibbles and fancy stuff go down so easily - I would try not to take it to heart. Let him snack as long as he is getting enough to satidfy his appetite and not obviously suffering from malnutrition!
He may have digestion probs or his sense of taste may be diminishing with age - it happens!

glammanana Tue 27-Dec-11 23:55:03

DH asked for a very small amount on his plate on Christmas day,just a slice of meat veg and a roast and new potato,he said he finds more to difficult to digest in mid afternoon and I can understand as we mainly eat about 6ish normally,but to-day was DGS birthday and DD did a buffet and DH was quite happy to graze all afternoon and pick and choose what he wanted as and when.

bagitha Wed 28-Dec-11 07:00:38

biker, a tin of fruit, cream and brown bread sounds like a balanced meal to me wink!

numberplease, I agree with the others who say don't stress. Cook for yourself with a small amount extra in case he wants some, or do enough for two so that he can have some if he wants it, but if he doesn't then you have your meal for the next day too. Bonus! I would also suggest letting him serve himself – rather than giving him a plate of food, just give him a plate and let him put what he wants on it.

I have a Selective Eating Disorder person in my household who is nonetheless healthy. For your own peace of mind, just go with the flow. Good luck smile !

JessM Wed 28-Dec-11 07:57:45

Oh numberplease it is hard when one's cooking efforts are not appreciated. Is he getting elderly? Is he not very well?

bikergran Wed 28-Dec-11 08:54:46

bagitha lol lol yes..but I do object to when he dips his bread in the juice lol.he is of the older generation (20yrs older than me) and apparently they used to have "dripping butties" condensed milk butties blaaaaaaaaa...yuk.....treacle butties etc....
but going back to them not eating what you put in front of hubby has been very poorly so I do sort of not push him to eat set meals...and when I do I only put out small I really do hate food being wasted and especialy these days when thisng cost so

gettingonabit Wed 28-Dec-11 11:27:18

I understand completely where you are coming from. You've gone to a lot of effort and your work does not seem to have been appreciated. I think it's a Christmas thing too - more pressure to behave in a certain way, to overdo things, to conform to norms of behaviour..however in your shoes I would try not to take it personally as I doubt if his action was meant personally. I think men are like this - particularly older ones - and simply don't appreciate the effort that goes into a meal, particularly at Christmas, as they are unlikely to belong to a generation of where men have routinely been expected to cook. I'm trying not to be sexist, by the way! I think men's attitude to cooking has changed recently out of necessity as women are more likely to work themselves, and also because being a "foodie" is now quite trendy and therefore more appealing an activity than simply putting food on the table.
Don't blame you for being miffed!

Stansgran Wed 28-Dec-11 12:22:56

Buy some very small freezer containers- cook for two/three/four and freeze the rest-then you can dish up small amounts to suit him at a time that suits his appetite. I do remember my father eating tinned fruit,evap and bread and butter as a bed time snack! but he would be about 112 if alive so it is an older generation thing

ninathenana Wed 28-Dec-11 14:16:16

My mum is 85, for months now she has lived on sweets, crisps, cake etc. Despite trying her with all manner of other food.
The only "healthy" thing she will eat is breakfast cereal, but you can only eat that at breakfast time..................apparently smile

I do think it's an age thing

JessM Wed 28-Dec-11 14:29:21

Yeh and when you get to 85 what is the point of healthy eating if you are not enjoying it. Unless you are trying to make it to 100.
Oh I just thought of one point - constipation!

PoppaRob Wed 28-Dec-11 14:47:41

I was seeing a woman a few months ago who was an excellent cook, but to be honest her talents were wasted on me. She really went to great lengths preparing food and unfortunately enjoyed foods that I don't care for. She made a huge fuss of the fact that the cake we had for dessert one day had been cooked from scratch. I guess in another time that would be a great skill to have but in 2011 it seems a lot of effort for the same outcome as a packet cake. I enjoy a well thought out and prepared meal, but I'm afraid I see most meals as simply fuel so her efforts were wasted on me. Of course I made all the right noises, ate things that I would normally avoid to be polite and I helped with the dishes, but to be honest it was like she was fishing for praise for tasks that I saw as unnecessary bother. When I installed a cat door for her I didn't build one from scratch and then give her a blow by blow description of its structure and materials, I just bought one from the hardware shop and installed it. She tells me she's now seeing a bloke who is a bit of a foodie so I'm sure they're a far better match!

PoppaRob Wed 28-Dec-11 14:50:39

And just to clarify... I can cook and as a single bloke I cook my own meals, but simple yummy fodder that generally takes no longer to cook than it does to eat and the kitchen doesn't end up strewn with a mass of pots and pans and utensils. wink

PoppaRob Wed 28-Dec-11 14:52:54

I agree totally JessM. Should I get to 85 I think I'll eat what I want when I want it. smile

em Wed 28-Dec-11 14:56:29

Poppa you are the ideal man. Post-divorce, I've met several men who are looking for what they'd call a relationship. I'd say they're looking for a housekeeper/cook/etc! Few choose to cook but are disappointed to be told that cooking is not one of my favourite pastimes either. One said that what he missed most since being widowed, was to come home after a day on the golf course to find a lovely meal waiting! I agree that it shouldn't take longer to cook a meal than it does to eat it!

numberplease Wed 28-Dec-11 15:08:46

He`s not THAT old, 67, and as far as I can tell, he`s not ill either. If he`d said on Christmas Day that he didn`t want much, that wouldn`t have been so bad, but he didn`t, just put his plate on the floor after a few mouthfuls. He also has his tea in a pint pot, it`s a sort of macho northern man thing, insists on his pint pot, yet nearly always pours most of it down the sink. I`m sorry, but I can`t help getting annoyed. I just did toast for my daughter and myself at lunchtime today, left him to it, so he got a pork pie out of the fridge. We`re off to our son`s for tea later, wonder what will happen there?

PoppaRob Wed 28-Dec-11 15:12:13

I have a mate who worked in a major retail shop selling household electrical goods and whitegoods. When his wife had to go back to the UK because of illness in the family he was totally lost! The only electrical items he could use were the TV and the fridge, yet he spent the day selling washing machines, clothes dryers, dishwashers, stoves and ovens, microwaves etc. Once we'd finished taking the piss we sorted him out and he found his feet, but as soon as his wife returned it was back to business as usual.

em, I think a lot of women here see their ideal role as the housekeeper / cook / etc that you describe, and I'm sure there are a lot of men who would think they'd won the lottery if they paired up with one of those women. I have no idea what I'm looking for in a partner and I'm a shit of a human being to live with, but I know what I don't want and that's someone "Mumsy" (think of Nursey in the Elizabethan series of BlackAdder). wink

Charlotta Wed 28-Dec-11 15:16:59

Numberplease let DH eat what he wants. Don't force him, making him feel guilty because you prepared food he didn't want in the first place.

I visited MIL in sheltered housing for 12 years and most of the ladies there, who cooked a bit bit for themselves ate toast. I would also eat only toast if I were 90, I could start now, but make myself eat fruit etc. We cooks have got to learn to take step back and really only put on the table ( not on plates!) an adequate but small amount of healthy food. The rest is up to the adults what they take.
I soon feel over-faced. It can quite put me off food altogether. I like cooking and this Xmas we had rabbit, an Italian dish with wine and olives, and we both enjoyed it. The other days my daughters cooked and it was lovely not to have to cook turkey.

JessM Wed 28-Dec-11 15:50:39

I think numberplease if he has gone off his food lately then there may be something wrong with him. Because 67 is not what I call elderly.
But some people are just not bothered. One of my SILs was a picky eater as a child, and if out for a meal will sit there moving her food round her plate and eat maybe half of it.
My DH suffers from the opposite problem - a tendency to eat too much. I am making slow progress in getting him to say "thank you for my meal" he was obviously not brought up to do this and just wolfs it down and looks to see if there is any more. Needless to say, long battle with overweightneww.
Every family is different in the way they behave around food and one person's normal is another person's weird.

harrigran Wed 28-Dec-11 18:50:57

Any man that came home from the golf course expecting a meal on the table would be in the wrong house grin

em Wed 28-Dec-11 19:02:08

Yes Harrigran. He may now be in the right house for him, but it certainly isn't mine!!

Greatnan Wed 28-Dec-11 19:11:59

67 is still middle-aged in my book! I don't regard myself as elderly at 71, and I am off to snorkel (alone) in Thailand when I leave New Zealand, just to prove it!
If this loss of appetitie is a new development, I would suspect ill health, not old age.

em Wed 28-Dec-11 19:20:55

A good friend of mine is 73 and is fitter and more active by far than my DDs (33 and 35). She goes to classes in yoga, tai-chi, tap and country dancing. Last year she had swimming lessons. She is involved in various voluntary activities and was thrilled when my GD's described her as glamorous!