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Are we elderly or middleaged.

(320 Posts)
dorsetpennt Wed 28-Dec-11 11:11:16

At 67 years old with 2 grandchildren I consider myself middleaged. I still work 2 afternoons a week and lead a healthy busy life. I have a lot more energy then people younger then me. My son and his wife say I'm elderly and treat me as if I'm a doddering old fool. I've learned a lot of new skills since I turned 60, travel solo on buses and trains. Yet if I go out with them,they almost instruct me onto how to put one foot in front of another. I almost feel as as if I don't count for much .My daughter however, doesn't treat me like this at all thank goodness and finds their actions really annoying.

gettingonabit Wed 28-Dec-11 11:35:45

I'd be annoyed too. You are old as you feel, surely? I think it is your son and his wife who have a problem - they sound a bit controlling to me - could your energy and youthfulness could be challenging to them, I wonder? My mother always treated me like this - like an invalid - throughout my life. I think now that my energy and independence was a threat to her. Could your son and his wife feel the same? Perhaps you are making them feel a bit inadequate by comparison!!

gettingonabit Wed 28-Dec-11 11:37:38

Soory - to answer your question I would consider anyone in their 80's to be elderly; 60 - 80 middleaged; and younger than that youthful!

greenmossgiel Wed 28-Dec-11 11:46:40

I agree with that, gettingonabit! The other day, I grabbed at the side of my chest just as I was walking over to the cooker. My son gasped, "Mum, are you alright?" He thought I was having a heart attack, I think....but it was actually a little skin-tag that had caught on my bra! (I didn't tell him it was a skin-tag, as they are thought to be quite 'elderly' and not-very-nice things - I just said it was an itch!!) grin

Joan Wed 28-Dec-11 12:02:14

At 66 I regard myself as simply mature. If anyone were to call me elderly they would suffer!!! 'Middle aged' is acceptable I suppose.

My role models are the old reprobates in Last of the Summer Wine.

glammanana Wed 28-Dec-11 12:20:31

Long live Norah Battie x

Joan Wed 28-Dec-11 12:24:42

Immortalised in wrinkled stockings, eh?

absentgrana Wed 28-Dec-11 12:39:15

My daughter who, as she lives abroad doesn't see me very often, always maintains that I look exactly like I did the last time she saw me. I am happy to say that she expects me to behave as I always have – over the 29 years of her lifetime. She does, however, seize my hand at the side of busy roads as she's never trusted me to concentrate on something so mundane as traffic for long enough to get safely to other side. She wouldn't dare treat me as a doddering old fool and nor would my son-in-law.

Learnergrandma Wed 28-Dec-11 12:49:07

I was 62 yesterday and am simply surprised that my DC are all getting so much older when I am still just me smile

NannaAnna Wed 28-Dec-11 14:31:18

I'm still young - in all the ways that matter!
I'm young at heart, and I'm fit, flexible, and active without any stiffness in my joints, or a single ache or creak! (Put that down to a lifetime of yoga)
Chronological age is irrelevant. I have met 'old' 40-somethings, and 'young' 80-somethings.
I hate the term "middle-aged" as it conjures up images of my parent's generation, who seemed to be "middle-aged" for decades!
Having just turned 60, I have been revisiting the whole issue, and am determined to erase my chronological age from my mind ... because it matters not one jot grin
Learnergrandma love your approach too smile

ninathenana Wed 28-Dec-11 14:41:12

I'm 58 next month, I would say I'm in my prime, grin mentally I feel about 30. Although I do confess to stiffness and creaking now and then.

My DH aunt is 89 and is physically fitter than me. And has just as much mental agility

Age is just a number

Maniac Wed 28-Dec-11 15:09:19

Well that's it !Now I know. I'm definitely elderly having had my 80th birthday this year.
I worked part-time until 75.still drive,live alone and am still learning new skills and enjoying new experiences.
In our local Sustainability gp no-one treats me like an old person .I'm just one of the team.
Sometimes wish my family would have a bit more care and concern.they still think I can cope as I did at 50.
One thing that makes me feel old is that because of a tremor in my rt hand I can't pass a cup of tea-have to ask someone else to do it.Also have to use a stick because of a fall/arthritic knee.

Growing Old disgracefully

Charlotta Wed 28-Dec-11 16:00:49

I can still remember how old I thought everybody over 40 was. We are old for the younger generation and if elderly is the word they think fits us then we can't do anything about it.
I often feel younger at heart than most young people, as I am more intelligent and educated than a lot that I have to deal with in shops etc. I once reported the young man at Telecom because of this attitude.

Sometimes another point of view can be helpful. Once when collecting GD from her friend's house, my Navi couldn't cope because the streets were were all dug up and I couldn't get through to the house. I parked, phoned and walked and met my GD coming towards me. The friend's young mother was amazed that I drove such long distances - alone, as I live 150 miles away, and that I used a SAT Navi and could programme it, together with a modern mobile.

I told my daughter, who being used to me had never questioned it but said her friend's mother was not 'into technology' like I was and I think she was pleased I had shown myself to be so with it, so modern.
But to DD I am still 33 years older than she is and she will never see me as just middleaged.

harrigran Wed 28-Dec-11 18:40:25

I am only 22 years older than my DD and thankfully she treats me as such and not as an old lady.
Last weekend I was babysitting GDs and the eldest said " don't worry Grandma, the adults will be back tomorrow " and I am what ?
My DS's face was a picture when I told him. He told me that he tells the GC not to play up for the other GPs because they have mobility problems.

Anne58 Wed 28-Dec-11 19:36:55

I'm 53, my remaining son is 33. I work full time in a job that can be quite demanding, have to do presentations to potential clients in an effort to win the business etc.

I do notice however that sometimes when I meet the potential clients face to face, they look somewhat suprised! (I think I sound younger on the phone,and email is a very kind medium!)

nanarosie Wed 28-Dec-11 20:19:11

At 63 and still wearing high heels am def not old or even middle aged, am just me as I always have been. Shame about the face!!. Odd how looking back my grandparents aways seemed old even when I was very young.

JessM Wed 28-Dec-11 20:38:17

60 and a half and getting used to it. Still fit and flexible. Difference is you don't take if for granted any more. Becoming an expert in how to use makeup to avoid that faded look though (eyebrow pencil, blusher are essentials)
I think 40 year olds barely consider themselves middle aged these days.
Young adulthood merges into middle age somewhere in the 40s... 50-65 is early middle age. Elderly starts when you start to get frail I think. I can think of one person in his mid 70s who still goes skiing but someone only a couple of years older who has so many things wrong with her, its amazing she keeps going. So much depends on health.
The way life expectancy is rising by several years every decade, elderly is shifting to 80s and 90s and many people will still consider themselves middle aged well into their 70s.

glammanana Wed 28-Dec-11 20:43:35

nanarosie my grandmother alway's looked old she never changed in her appearance throughtout her life,she wore a wrap around apron all the time and a straight shift type dress on Sunday's,and had a curly perm every six month's throughout her lifetime,me I have a long blonde ponytail wear levi jeans most days and my black boots even in the summer and yes when I have to go somewhere special I love love very high heels.

kittylester Wed 28-Dec-11 20:50:42

My husband and I were talking yesterday about how we worried about our elderly parents when they retired and wondered when our children would do the same for us. Our parents were ancient at our age! I'm still waiting for the curly perm and the rocking chair to arrive to make me a real granny!

nanarosie Wed 28-Dec-11 20:58:22

Glammanana my grandma had the same hair and outfit, the other on had those black boots that buttoned up and long black skirts, 'helemt' hair and steel rimmed glasses. I was terrified of her, yet she must have been quite young when I was if that makes sense. Per Una rules ok!

Cyril Wed 28-Dec-11 21:02:34

I am reading this thread with great interest and feel sure that one or more of you will give me the words I need to tell my SIL that I am quite capable of walking home. Yes I know it will take me an hour and it is dark out there but I refuse to allow myself to be intimidated into not living my life by the fear of what might be out there.

As so many others on here I have done a great variety of things since I retired at 65, joined a gym and a variety of craft groups, learned to swim, learned to use a computer among other skills and volunteered for a number of charity walks and conservation holidays - I can most heartily recommend them - raising eyebrows along the way - but I want to live. smile Travelling around the country on my free bus pass also gives them the heebee jeebees so I now tell them after I have done it. wink

The problem with SIL is that he physically blocked the doorway and told me that he would not allow me to pass. I could only leave if he paid for a taxi. It frustrates me and I know I should be grateful that he cares, but I'm not. A brisk walk was what I felt I needed at the end of so much feasting. I may be one of the older people, but I don't feel old and firmly believe that while I can I will as there will be an awfully long time when I can't. How do I explain this to him when he is not of a mind to listen?

Annobel Wed 28-Dec-11 21:05:29

My granny wore no stockings in summer, was a mass of freckles, did the garden and lovely embroidery, painted everything in sight (including the bath). Not sure I ever saw her in a pinny. She had fine, curly white hair which I loved to comb. But I always saw her as old - now I can see her in the mirror!

Annobel Wed 28-Dec-11 21:06:56

Oh and I meant to say, can we try to get rid of the abbreviation OAP? I hate being called that! Don't you?

glammanana Wed 28-Dec-11 21:36:40

Oh yes Annobel lets start a campaign to ban OAP,I'm all for that.

glassortwo Wed 28-Dec-11 21:57:00

cyril it true that we all know our limitations but they are only trying to take care of you and wanted to see you home safe, you maybe could have taken the offer of a taxi then got him to drop you at home then had a stroll around the block.

I am probably guilty of the same thing with my FIL he is 78 and as fit as a fiddle and walks for miles, but when he visits us I do insist on getting him home then I can relax knowing that he is home and safe. How you make you SIL see how independent you are I dont know the answer to that sorry.