to say I can't manage two babies for the night?

Well you could view MIL as high maintenance in that we support her financially, and between us look after her, now she can't look after herself. But she is not difficult or grumpy, bless her.

Two babies together sounds awful unless you're very used to them.
Looking after other peoples' children is always a scary responsibility until you get to know them well and are confident of coping.
If you have babies should you expect to go partying and leave them for so long to someone else? I think most grandparents would say no.

well they are almost old enough to look after you numberplease.

One of our sons has asked us to have their 2 boys for a long weekend at the end of April, so that he can take our DIL away to Edinburgh, to celebrate her 40th birthday. Straightaway, hubby said an emphatic "No!", but I`ve changed his mind, albeit reluctantly, as the youngest boy, nearly 12, can be a handful, always wanting to be eating, and he`s a bit of a baby for his age, always whining and getting his brother, aged 15, into trouble for something and nothing. But our son and his wife have been through some strife lately, and I think she deserves a bit of time away.

A low maintance relative. I like that. Must remember it!

Gosh well gracesmum i hope all this support for you will have convinced you that you are certainly not being unreasonable.
Looking after other people's kids is hard work when you are not used to it, whatever your age. I suspect parents, because they are adapted to the routine of it, forget that.
It is the same with any job - if you have not done it for a while, it is tiring until you adapt. I was cream crackered last night after looking after my low maintenance MIL for 4 days - just the mental effort of doing housework and cooking in an unfamiliar environment.

Its not a question of maternal bonds here we all have them its whether or not situation is managable or not

gracesmum......its pretty much all been said but would just like to add my five pennyworth. In no way are you being difficult or unsupporting. Two babies over night and then on a drive the next day, just for somesort of family knees-up!!. For one thing its exhausting caring for the GCs, we always want to do the best we can and no matter how wonderful it is - it is hard work. However, my main thoughts go something along the line that if I was celebrating my 40th again (lor there's a thought) I would want to do it the way I did it the first time around - WITH MY CHILDREN!!!! We had a huge daytime family lunch and just to give it a bit of glamour my husband organised a lovely old Rolls Royce to take me in. The last thing I would have wanted to do was be away from an 3 month old baby, fgs I was still feeding both mine at 6/7 months.

Gracesmum you need to be realistic, it is hard work looking after tinies. My DS and DIL left me with their 3 month old while they had a weekend away and I hardly dared sleep. My GC are older now but hard work when they are together and I have a painful back which is always worse after babysitting.

Gracesmum, I don't know why guilt comes to us so easily but it does! I look after my newest gd (4 months), on my own, and after a couple of hours I am exhausted. Lifting and nursing her agravates my arthritic elbow and hand, and the pain then keeps me awake half the night.

Do I tell the parents that? No, but I don't know how long I can keep doing it, and I feel guilty that I don't do more for all my gc.

You are doing the right thing in thinking about your husbands health (((Hugs))).

gracesmum I really feel for you. It's not too bad if there are two of you to cope but when one of you is unwell, then you have that worry as well and, like the others, it is too much. Your DH is your priority. I would feel guilty too though, but again as others have said, our children forget that we're getting older and yes, we coped with them when they were small but we were younger than and more flexible in body. I love my GC dearly but sometimes enough is too much and I'm beginning to learn to say no - but it isn't easy. Have a hug

Always seems to me that if you can afford a party followed by a lunch-and i'm assuming it's not going to be beans on toast and cheap wine I suggest they throw some money at the problem-nursery nurse trainee at college wants extra pocket money?rope one in-or put up parents on both sides in local child friendly hotel with baby listening service and adjoining rooms with cot in each. BUT your DH is what matters and you want him dancing on the table at their 50th party so look to him

I was so aware of how time passes quickly that I never wanted to not be with my children, and they were part of my holidays. Having said that, I do encourage my daughter to spend time with her husband, as my marriage broke up, probably due to my husband not getting much of my attention during those years. [Or perhaps I preferred my childrens company to his ].

Our eldest daughter and her husband are going away for a weekend at the beginning of March and asked us to have their two (5 & 3) but we have middle daughter, partner and baby staying with us that weekend. They then asked the other grandma who said yes. All fine until last week when the other grandma suddenly decided she couldn't cope all weekend and someone else would have to have one of them for one of the days. Guess who?

I am more than happy to help out, driving 20 miles once a week to their house for the day while my daughter works, as does the other grandma. I would have happily had both children if we could but I am livid that I have been blackmailed by the other grandma into doing something that I had said I couldn't. GRRRRRR!

It's good that the other ILs have come up trumps. They are more likely to understand your situation than your DD, being of your own generation. You have played down your DH's condition, but are you really doing your daughters a favour by doing this? They are grown-ups and it isn't good for you to have to shoulder the burden all on your own.

You need to get in first Annobel. "Mummy says you must....."

I've been called upon to look after two GSs (4 and 6) for just one Saturday morning in a fortnight's time and am shaking in my shoes. They can be very sweet or unbelievably mischievous. They will look me straight in the eye and give me the 'but Mummy says I can...' line.

gracesmum You say that your daughter is a kind girl with high standards and that you have played down your husband's health problems. It sounds to me as if, like my children, she is finding it difficult to recognise that you are both getting older and have your own needs. Before my father died at 93 he spoke to me on the phone as if I was his generation and my children talk to me as if I am their's! I'm neither - I'm in the middle! While I'm pleased that we have a much closer relationship than I did with my parents, it does have it's drawbacks when they expect you to have endless energy. And, let's face it, we would like to be like that, but we are not. So try not to feel guilty (I know I do when I have to say no), look after yourself and Mr G and I'm sure they will sort something out

Carol you should have been proud!

digikidnan Gracesmum has pointed out that the request was made some time ago, so not as thoughtless as it would seem to be if you hadn't read the thread properly.

The other GP's are fine with having the boys (although also worrying about responsibility of the drive back) so there isn't a problem on that score any more. Tosh and others have got it in one realising the only problem is really in my head - I want to be "supergran" doing all that I did in my 30's and 40's - 3 DD's, full time job, DH's health- even then- and don't want to be seen to be less able than DD's MIL if truth be told! I am also aware that my own mother never had the children or came to help out after babies (never asked her actually) whereas my MIL was wonderful having the girls albeit older than the DGSs are at present.
The family lunch the next day is also for DD's birthday (they are one after the other) and I do want to be there, the only thing that will stop us is if DH isn't up to it

I'm looking after my grandchildren [2 and 5] in a couple of months for just one day and, having realised the S.O. is away that weekend, have already called in back up in the shape of my son and his girlfriend. The problem is, gracesmum, when we're young we just don't understand what it's like to be old. I was only thinking about this last night, for some reason. When my daughter was in her teens, I always did the night pick ups, not just for her but for her friends as well, probably because I was always a bit of a night owl and actually enjoyed driving around late at night playing music and singing away to myself. One of her friends had parents who were approaching 60, and, I have to admit to not understanding why they were never prepared to get up at 1 in the morning to pick the kids up. Now I'm that age, I can't imagine having a teenage son/daughter with all the responsibilities that brings. I'm only just beginning to realise myself that I can't do half of what I used to do even a couple of years ago. And I don't have a partner who isn't in the best of health to worry about either.

No problem bagitha! I know what you mean about the breast-feeding. I made the mistake of spending an evening at a concert when one of my babies was 3 months old. At precisely ten o'clock, my milk let down and I was soaked, despite wearing breast pads. Sat in the front row, too!!

Gracesmum...been there, got the mug and the Tshirt !!
In our minds we are still in our thirties when we were ''Supermum''....but as much as we try at 64, young children/babies are very tiring and as much as we would like we are not ''SuperGran''. But OMG the guilt at not being able to cope !!
As you know I had to give up looking after my baby GS 2 days a week because I am fulltime carer to my DH...but I still feel guilty at how much it is costing my DD in childcare.
Hubby has to be your priority and my girls now realise that. You have to keep well yourself.
Have a (((hug)) and xxxx

carol, I wasn't meaning to criticise someone else's maternal bond. Sorry if it appeared that way. I was just trying to express my ... what shall I call it? ..... lack of understanding of a different mind set. I suppose I feel that one has to accept "missing out" on a few things when one has babies to look after. Of course, I don't know all the details. I do know that I would never have done it, that's all. Neither would my daughter. Difficult when you're breast-feeding anyway, but that isn't really the issue.

Maybe I just don't cope well with "hecticity".