To think we are out own worst enemies

dizzyblonde At the risk of invoking the full wrath of the bagitha again, my point was that by saying "We're all barking" or whatever, consent appears to have been given.

, no wrath, absent, just the point that it's OK to take the piss, to tease and to be silly, even ridiculous, just for fun. I agree completely with dizzy. If one isn't insulted by phrases like "we're all mad", they have no 'value' on the insult scale. Reacting to them as if they mattered is giving them value.

Bags You're missing my point. If, for the sake of argument, I interject a light-hearted, girlish comment in a discussion along the lines of "Of course, having said that, I must admit I have always been completely loopy…" then I have only myself to blame if my comment is taken at face value and, in future, I am dismissed by others as a loopy old woman.

Society is all too willing to dismiss older people and their concerns without our playing into the hands of those who would do so. Doubly so when it's such a tedious "joke". [Don't shout at me emoticon]

Fun is a sadly under-rated quality in this day and age – it's just that this strikes me as a rather sad little comment, not a bit of fun. [Don't shout at me again emoticon]

Well, I guess we'll just have to agree to differ, absent [I'm not shouting]. I agree that there is a lot of stuff in the media that seems dismissive of older people, but I've always thought of that as just stupid, like a lot of stuff in the media, and dismissed it in its turn. I certainly don't feel threatened by it in any way. The comments we've been arguing about always struck me as just a bit of the sillies to be taken on that level too. Shallow and trivial, yes, but still meant as fun and, by me, taken as fun, nothing more, nothing less.

And I'm still not shouting (I'd add 'dear' at that point but I expect you'd object ).

I'm not missing your point, by the way, I'm just disagreeing with it. I do understand what you're saying.

I just sometimes wonder as I wander all round the houses to say something whether I'm obscuring my point rather than clarifying it. Agreeing to differ is fine. I'm not bonkers about being called dear, although that's what one of my closest women friends often calls me, but I wouldn't throw a tantrum about it. I wouldn't like "silly old dear" though.

Well, absent
Having read all of the above I can only assume you are not very well bien dans ta peau today!

<idiotic little bon mots > is that not a contradiction in terms?

johanna No, la peau is fine and comfy, thanks.

Well,
Went to see G.P. this morning. Was allocated a Dr. Hussein.
Turned out to be a charming young lady.

However every time she was making a point she called me darling!
I am not her DARLING.!!!!!!!!!!!! When the consultation was over, and I stood by the door she even said: " Bye darling ".
That is condescending.

Maybe absent has a very good point.........

Why didn't you ask her to stop it?

If she was charming, as you say, mightn't it be possible she didn't know someone would think being called darling was inappropriate? If she was charming, mightn't it be possible she was just trying to be nice? Since you found it condescending it would have been a kindness to her to tell her so, then she wouldn't do the same thing to someone else.

I have noticed in hospital DH is invariably addressed by the nurses, male and female as "sir" or else by his name, whereas women are much more often "Dear" etc. I have no objection to "dear" although I might however take exception to Darling!

I was told by my father that it is wronger to take offence when it is not intended than it is to give offence. If someone is using an endearment in an attempt, however clumsy, to be kind, to put you at your ease, to just oil the social wheels or the awkward relationship between, say, a nurse and a patient, then it is just churlish in my view to mind it.

When I was in hospital, really very ill, about 10 years ago, the young auxilliary nurse who was allocated to me, used to say, "And how are ye the day, ma darlin'?" I liked it. It made me feel looked after, and less fearful, in some way! I didn't feel patronised at all.

Green, no you would not have felt patronised, because from your young auxilliary it would have been sincere......

As I said Baghita, she said "darling " every time she was making a POINT.
Slight difference there, don't you think?

I daresay you're right, johanna. You were there and I wasn't, but why didn't you object if she was patronising? Actually, I can't quite get my head round the fact that you called her charming and condescending. If someone is being condescending they are not being charming, and vice versa .

Maybe slightly off the point, but when I was training I once asked a fellow student with a very long Indian name if I could shorten it. Her response was a friendly but very firm "No". I very quickly learnt how to say it.

I feel it's not what I am called, but in the how I am called that matters.

In Brissel (Bristol) they say me luvver!
Ok I'll accept being a' pet' ex gp!

We've had a similar conversation previously.
I'm with Baggy's dad on this one -I try to choose not to take offence when none is intended, but will point out inappropriate remarks if the occasion warrants it.

I don't say any of those things - but I wouldn't care if someone younger did call me a silly old woman either.
To be honest - I know a lot of mad old bats and wouldn't be surprised if they admitted it with one of those comments. Nothing wrong with mad old bats

On Sunday DH and I took 7 year old grandson to one of those indoor play areas. He made friends with a little boy about his age who smiled over at us and said to grandson 'oh you're with the old guys'

Tee hee! Somehow I don't mind being referred to as an old guy, especially when it comes from a 7 year old.