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Help needed from my fellow readers :(

(12 Posts)
moonbeauty Sun 11-Mar-12 16:59:00


I'm looking for advice, i don't know where to turn. My eldest father has just been cleared of cancer and now he awaits the heart bypass list. In the mean time i live with him and my partner. We have noticed that he doesn't clean up let alone tidy he's a stubborn Leo. We both work from 6am-6pm mon to friday. He's been burning food, he scotched the top of our new cooker..

He leaves the gas on the cooker, without turning it off.. I am concerned whether the house will burn down or I'll come home and he will be in it. We are already going on the housing list for us at least.

I told him, i would get a carer in daily and he refused even that. I don't know where else to turn, he's rude and ignorant and now refuses to pay bills. and on top of that delusional that the world will end on the St December....

I'm only 21 and I have contacted social services, and they have advised to get a medical assessment done on him. Thing is what if he refuses.. where am i then.

if anyone can please advise how to deal with him would be great

kind regards,

moon x

jeni Sun 11-Mar-12 17:26:05

Have a word with his gp!

JessM Sun 11-Mar-12 17:43:41

Absolutely. You need some help. Good luck.

Jacey Sun 11-Mar-12 18:03:36

Totally agree ...make an appointment to see his GP ...explain why you need it. You may need to be in the house to let in any assessment team member as you may have difficulty getting him to any appoinments.

Just remember ...however annoying he might be may not be 'grumpy old man' syndrome ...but actually a medical issue.

Hope things get sorted for all your sakes flowers

moonbeauty Sun 11-Mar-12 18:18:17

Thanks for the help guys, i will do i just hope they will understand.

Mishap Sun 11-Mar-12 19:28:05

Yes - definitely start with the GP who will know what medication he is taking (that could be a factor in his problems) and will understand the medical history.

Social Services can help, but it is always a delicate situation when the when the patient is not able to cooperate.

Good luck.

Annobel Sun 11-Mar-12 20:07:27

moonbeauty - I am sure they will understand. This won't be the first case of its kind that they have seen, though it is yours. It's a heavy responsibility for you to carry on your own. Get all the help you can. If you still aren't happy, go and see Citizens' Advice Bureau.

goldengirl Mon 12-Mar-12 16:23:31

Also contacting - or just taking a look at <> might be helpful.

moonbeauty Mon 12-Mar-12 19:04:51


thanks for the link, i managed to find a local place in my area to see if they are able to help. In the mean time i have submitted under the carers act 2000 to request some thing to be done.

I'll update and let you know how things are going but thank you for all the help smile

Kind Regards,


merlotgran Tue 13-Mar-12 19:26:03

Hopefully your GP will do more than just point you in the direction of Social Services but even if he/she does it sounds like organising some daytime care is the best solution and Social Services will hopefully put this in place for you. If you need an understanding ear and some helpful advice try Age Concern (now Age UK).

Nanban Fri 16-Mar-12 07:40:50

Completely useless in the advice department - apart from the GP start, not only his but your GP too - I just wanted to say that you are so very young to be dealing with it all and are there any other family members you could involve?

dahlia Sat 17-Mar-12 18:54:12

Moonbeauty, I do hope you get some help - and quickly. As Nanban says, the support of any available family members would be a great help to you. You said your Dad is awaiting a heart bypass op and sometimes circulation problems can lead to forgetfulness, etc. It can be so difficult persuading older people to accept help - they usually have a dread of "being put away".
Your GP will help out, in our area there is a special community nursing team to deal with this type of problem, and should be in your area; they should be able to visit you and your Dad at home if you can get time off work.
How worrying for you all. Do keep us updated of your progress (or lack of it).