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Badly behaved kids

(137 Posts)
dorsetpennt Sat 17-Mar-12 18:53:01

When I was young, before children , I remarked to a friend about how well behaved her childen were. She said she would always love her kids but wanted other people to like them too. That comment stuck in my mind when I had my own and I also passed this onto to my son & DIL . The reason for this remark is that I have seen a lot of really badly behaved children. My neighbour's 2 year old son screamed for 3 hours today - out of temper according to his mother. But they don't believe he is old enough for any form of discipline. My daughter has just telephoned and said that she and a friend were sitting in Costa for a much needed coffee. Only to have it completely ruined by 3 children screaming, rolling around on the floor running around etc whilst their mothers blissfully drank their coffee. We have both been out with my 3 year old GD to resturants and cafes and she has behaved well. Taught by her parents to behave. Why is it some people don't teach their children manners, good behaviour etc. Teach them when they are young and they will grow up to be nice adults. A primary school teacher friend of my daughter told us that some children arrive without any idea on how to behave [incidentally a lot arrive barely toilet trained and sporting a dummy!!!]. So they have to be taught that before any school work can be implemented - also means the other children are ahead of them as they are being taught as normal.

Carol Sun 18-Mar-12 18:44:16

Ha Ha green that reminds me of when I took my twin daughters for their first shoes. My mum came over to babysit one daughter, whilst I took the other one, as the double buggy I had would not go up all the steps of the shop I was going to, and I thought it would be easier (fool!) if I went with her one day, and when her dad was home next day I could take the other one.

We duly got the bright, shiny red shoes and went home. Daughter 2 wanted to try them on and obviously liked them. Next day, knowing that I would have to buy the same pair of shoes, I had daughter 2 measured and there were no red ones in her size - so I chose black patent ones - gorgeous!

She was furious! I took her in the Coop for some shopping, and she was placed in the supermarket trolley, kicking these shoes for all they were worth. We rounded a corner where a stack of double pack Osram lightbulbs had been displayed - one swift kick and she floored half of them, to my horror! Most of them could be heard tinkling - the manager did say it was a daft place to put them.

Each day after that, she cried every time she saw the shoes and in the end I went back to the shop and insisted on exchanging them for anything that would remotely fit, as long as they were red. One happy little girl after that, although her shoes were half a size bigger than they should have been (I couldn't be bothered by that stage, nor could the shop assistant).

nanachrissy Sun 18-Mar-12 19:17:24

My 5 month gd is already getting stroppy. If she doesn't like the look of something or someone, she stiffens and screams the loudest scream I have ever heard from a baby!

I can't say much as she has red hair inherited from guess who? blush

nanachrissy Sun 18-Mar-12 19:18:33

I'm sure there is a pedant alert in there but I don't care!! grin

Carol Sun 18-Mar-12 19:24:45

grin nanachrissy

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 19:37:31

My youngest grandson took off all his clothes in Clarkes' shoe shop in Canterbury when he was two. It took his mother and me jointly to wrestle him back into them. Now, at 13, he is the most gentle, lovely boy. In fact, his mum worries that he might be too eager to please, and people will take advantage of him. When I am in NZ he keeps me supplied with perfect cups of tea.

johanna Sun 18-Mar-12 19:38:55

Totally behind your comments here.
As they say in this country: " Good manners does not mean that someone is a gentleman."

Anagram Sun 18-Mar-12 19:44:00

Do they say that? I've never heard it.....confused

johanna Sun 18-Mar-12 19:57:06

Maybe you have heard of this one? " A gentleman is never inadvertently rude !"

Anagram Sun 18-Mar-12 20:02:16

No, sorry. I've heard of "Manners maketh man."

Carol Sun 18-Mar-12 20:07:40

Johanna 'A gentleman is never inadvertently rude !'

Doesn't that mean that when he is rude he is doing it deliberately? smile

I've never heard of those sayings, either. Where do they come from? Have you any more?

bagitha Sun 18-Mar-12 20:17:45

I've only heard it referring to a lady, well, as the definition of a lady: "a lady is someone who is never rude, except on purpose."

bagitha Sun 18-Mar-12 20:22:22

When DD2 went rigid so that I couldn't strap her into the buggy, I put my knee on her chest – just hard enough to hold her still – so that I had both hands to fasten the buckle and then tighten it once she relaxed a bit. Worked a treat. I only had to do it twice. And no, it didn't hurt her, except perhaps for her pride. When they realise their antics are not going to work, they give up... at least until they think of something else to try out on you. confused

nightowl Sun 18-Mar-12 20:29:50

To all of you with twin children or grandchildren - you have my utmost respect. I have been (not quite) defeated by one little person. I was pushing him through the park the other day when I saw coming towards me another gran pushing a twin buggy containing a toddler and a younger baby. Our eyes met in that look of recognition and I had to say to her 'you're brave' to which she replied 'I know' with a look that suggested she couldn't quite believe it herself. Am I the only one who thought all my experience would be such a help to my daughter, only to find myself feeling a bit of a fraud who stands back in admiration at how calmly she deals with things? (Not that I would ever admit that to her, not the fraud bit anyway)

Anagram Sun 18-Mar-12 20:55:21

You are certainly not alone, Nightowl.....I embarked on grandparenthood with high hopes and aspirations, and am gradually sinking lower and lower in my own (and I fear my daughter's confused) estimation. All the rules have changed since my day....

petallus Sun 18-Mar-12 20:55:38

When DD2 was about 4 or 5 she went to stay with my parents for a week. Just before she was due to go she started coming out with f**k every now and then. Don't know where on earth she got it from because nobody said it in those days (whereas now it's everywhere). My father was quite strict and abhored all swearing, and he had an especial horror of that word. So anyway before she went off I warned DD2 to behave herself and in particular not to say f**k. A week later we travelled to my parents' house to pick up our child. After happy greetings as DH and I stood with my parents, DD2 suddenly beamed up at me and announced in proud ringing tones 'I've been ever so good mummy and I haven't said f**k all week'. There was a deadly silence which seemed to go on for ever!

johanna Sun 18-Mar-12 21:06:23

Yes, it means he is deliberately rude.
How I interpret this is that he is so well brought up that he could not possibly be rude without intention. Unlike others who often say: " Sorry did not mean to be rude."
Which by implication makes you look stupid. Do you think?
In other words those who were brought up very " naaicely " would know exactly.
That is how I see it's meaning. Could be wrong, but I think not.

Carol Sun 18-Mar-12 21:11:51

Thanks johanna, I have known some people who have practised the art of being rude, but manage to say it in such a way that it is often not noticed grin

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 21:13:10

The aphorism is attributed to Oscar Wilde - aren't they all?

nightowl Sun 18-Mar-12 21:13:27

petallus what a little darling grin grin

bikergran Sun 18-Mar-12 21:35:35

Well I for one won't be boasting today!! as GS (5yrs) ruined our lovely day....he had been to his dads to sleep the previous night and then to a party )bowling and pizza hut today) we think that his dad lets him stay up late...hence he was tired when he arrived at our house with of his school friends was playing out so he wanted to play out (he is not allowed as we cannot see him as our house is situated round the back so to speak) so then he wanted to ride his bike.but I said no as we were going to have other DD had come to ours to cook myself a meal (nothers day ) and DH as it was his brithday....but GS had other ideas! he was naughty and messing about with the table mats on his head..dropped one o the cat who scattered across the room..then nearly dropped one on a cup of tea so Grandad told him off and he started crying (grandson that is not grandad)! GS seems to cry at slightest thing lately! anyway before our lovely meal was served by other DD younger daughter had had enough of GS and picked up coat and GS and wisked him off home, youngest daughter was crying a she felt like GS had ruined the DH is ill and we had all got together to celebrate mothers day and birthday....but GS seems to have other ideas latley!! only the other week he had to be taken home before daughter could sit down for tea. as he was missbehaving..... we dont relaly know what to yes he ws tired...but even when he isnt tired...meal times seem to be getting a challange!! any ideas you take his treat away..DVDS etc.... I nearly always take him to the park after school..if its fine..but do we stop that until he starts behaving?? does a child of 5 learn that way I dont know! but we cannot let him rule the tea table and upset everyone.....he has always been taken out for meals since he ws young and has been fine..but just latley..!!

Carol Sun 18-Mar-12 22:19:23

I recognise this story biker. Every time my twin grandsons stay overnight at their dad's, he keep them up late, lets them swap beds and get in with him in the middle of the night, winds them up when they are very tired and they're ready to explode, then takes them home, where their behaviour deteriorates for a few hours until they cotton on that it's mummy's house, mummy's rules and their behaviour becomes good again. Happens most weeks, so we can predict now and plan around it.

If dad will cooperate, he needs a few earlier nights, similar routines, eating and behaving at the table with dad, and consistent discipline.

Perhaps a star chart with generous stars for good behaviour noticed and explained, jobs done, cooperation with dressing, going to bed on time etc. and each time he gets to the end of a row of stars a small reward, then when a whole month of stars has been achieved (about 50 or 60), a bigger reward - doesn't have to be materialistic - it could be about doing favourite activities or having friends for tea. Works for us - we see an improvement despite little cooperation from dad. Good luck!

harrigran Sun 18-Mar-12 22:34:19

Sticker charts seem to work quite well, youngest GD showed me her little teaset today result of a full chart. Eldest GD wanted to show me what she had got but said it had been confiscated because of being naughty.

NanaChuckles Sun 18-Mar-12 23:36:23

petallus, Try 'lightening up' when you witness a 3 year old running about mad in a coffee shop for over an hour while parents read the Sunday papers. Only to see same child scalded as he ran into a customer carrying a tray of hot coffees. Good behaviour is learned the same as bad but I know that I would rather that child be blister free for want of a few chosen words and some attention from the parents.

yogagran Sun 18-Mar-12 23:42:19

From bikergran and Carol's stories it seems that Dad could benefit from having a star chart too grin

glammanana Mon 19-Mar-12 00:41:40

biker/carol any chance that dads are letting the boys have free reign on sweets and drinks loaded up with nasties,that happens when my two DGCs go to stay with their dad,he just gives in to them as he don't have to deal with the after effects.