Who should a son put first on Mothering Sunday his own Mother or his wife?

My son's wife has done her best to make sure my son doesn't visit me on Mother's day ever since they met. They have 2 children of their own now and I accept my son will be making the day special for his wife because she is the mother of their 2 children, MInd you he treats her like a princess most of the time !
However, this year my son told me as a surprise he has booked to take me to a show but its not until October. His wife has had a massive fit about this saying he is spoiling me and he shouldn't be spending so much money on me !
My son assured me he/they can well afford it and he wanted to do it as a special treat.
I am thrilled he wants to do this - but sort of sad it has created another argument between them. I don't know whether to go or not !

What a cow! My DS1 and his wife have always invited me to stay for the weekend of Mother's Day, even this year when they had moved on the Friday. But I know how lucky I am (and he is) and never take them for granted.

What a very insecure (or possibly spoilt rotten) woman she must be maxgran.
You should definitely go - you are allowed to have treats as well! Your son is a big boy now and needs to deal with this. Not your battle.

Jess
I am afraid my son's wife does not like anyone who knew him before she did. I am very close to my son and my daughter but not in a stifling way.
She IS insecure. I remember my son saying she would be better once they were married which made me smile,..because I knew she wouldn't !

Her Dad has said that she was always spoilt rotten as she was a late child and the last of 4 children and she likes her own way and all the attention.
Its a shame because although she mostly avoids seeing us - I have been on shopping trips with her, just the two of us and we have a good time. Its just whenever my son is involved she acts like a complete shrew.

There seems to be so much emnity between mothers and daughters-in-law, rivalry, the lot. In between the son/husband who, being a man, will probably behave in a way which will avoid as much hassle as possible.

Definitely go Maxgran.

Thanks wotsasmashhedupjingl

I will go - but I can predict she will have a tantrum on the day we go. The last time was about 5 years ago and she called my son after he had picked me up to say she needed his door key as she had 'lost' hers. We had to drive back to his house to give her his key and we ended up being late.

I would have left her without a key !

Perhaps this time it might be worth 'not hearing' the phone if she tries more sabotage!

It's (subtle) war then!

The only way she is going to stop having tantrums is if they get ignored.
5 years is a long time. I think it is sad for mums when their kids get mated off and then joined at the hip behaviour kicks in. Easier for mums of daughters to have 1:1 time ?

It is very sad, no doubt, and you're right it's usually different for mums and daughters. They may fall out but it's between them and not as a result of manipulation by a partner.

You are right JessM - Its much easier with my daughter.

To be fair to my son - The time his wife called him back because of the key - He had words with her later and told her that I was his Mum and always will be and she would have to get used to the fact that on occasion he would spend time with me. It didn't mean he didn't love her, it just meant that he didn't stop loving his Mum when he met her ! He said he didn't insist she visit us because she mostly chooses not to - but it was unreasonable of her to get upset if he does.

Funny though that she is very happy for me to babysit often and at the drop of a hat !

Thankful for small mercies, eh?

he's married. his wife comes first. mum had her turn, now it's time to take a background role.

I agree with granbunny in a way but then I don't have sons. I do get the impression there is quite a bit of rivalry around between mothers and wives. Probably the mother should take a step back.

I only have daughters but I expect to take a back seat in their lives too. I'd be concerned that they hadn't grown up properly otherwise. They are loving but independent and know that I am too.