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needing a virtual hug

(41 Posts)
syberia Mon 19-Mar-12 10:52:05

Sorry everyone, but I am feeling sorry for myself and tearful today, it has all got a bit much!

As you all know, I am due to be a grandma very soon. Trouble is, I feel as though I have to walk on eggshells when speaking to DD. She has not felt well all through and I do understand that it has made her unhappy.
I see her about every six weeks, she lives in Yorkshire and we live in Northants. She has not been able to travel down because of nausea, and that is fine, we are happy to go there. We speak on the phone a couple of times a week.
It's just that NOTHING I say or do is right!
I have always been a mum that steps back rather than push myself forward and have never interfered with any of her life decisions, (even if I have privately rolled my eyes! )
We have always been close and I am glad for that.
She has been very grumpy, she admits that herself, but every time we speak I am left with the feeling that I am either stupid or an embarrassment and I feel I am being pushed away at a time when I want to be closer. (DH agrees, it is not imagined).
A while ago, when speaking about when baby will be born, I asked if it would be okay to go up and be around when little one is born. "Why on earth would you want to do that? The last thing I need is to be wondering what you are doing while I am giving birth!" What does she think I am going to be doing? Because my daughter is having a baby I want to be able to help if I am needed, if I am not needed fine, I will just come and see you all when she arrives "We are not going to see anyone for 2 weeks after she is born as we want to bond". Okay, I get the bonding but I would like to pop in and see you all. "God mother!"
Is it me? I have not gone "baby shopping" with her, I have not been involved with any of it really. I have been very careful about what I have bought as there are so many rules, and I have bitten my tongue on so many occasions.
She doesn't seem to realise that it is an important event in my life, too.
The thing is, I have now had enough. I sent a card to them both for Mother's Day from baby thinking it was a nice thing to do and that was wrong too.
I am just finding it all too stressful and a bit of me wants to say what I really think, but of course the last thing I want is to fall out.

Sorry, but I just needed a shoulder

Oldgreymare Mon 19-Mar-12 20:18:34

... and a big hug from me Syberia.
As a MIL I was miles away when both GC were born but did get to visit for cuddles etc. Then DIL was persuaded by her Ma that she (Ma) should give up work to be their PAID childminder. I felt very 'side-lined' then, a feeling that persisted for years. I'm much more able to cope with the situation now But still wonder at what might have been as the other Granny had such strange ideas about what she fed them, for instance.
Sorry this is a bit 'off-topic' but you have had lots of lovely sensible Gransnetters advice, and I did want to add a different perspective, that is of the MIL.

Tosh Mon 19-Mar-12 21:37:20

I really can't add any more to everyone's words of wisdom but have a huge (((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))) xxxxx flowers
Yes, GN is a wonderful place to be xxx

Sewsilver Mon 19-Mar-12 22:34:00

Syberia, shoulder and hugs from me. Hope it all goes well for you, your daughter and her partner.

yogagran Mon 19-Mar-12 23:56:20

What a difficult and troublesome time for you Syberia, there is such good advice and support here on all the previous posts, I just wanted to add a [hug]

syberia Fri 23-Mar-12 17:05:00

Have had a wonderful, joyful, happy conversation with my daughter on the telephone today, it was just like old times!! sunshine sunshine

I hung in there and I bit my tongue and hopefully it will improve now. (If not, I will deal with it!)

Have just posted on another thread and that reminded me to come here and update!!

Carol Fri 23-Mar-12 17:21:19

Lovely syberia she is your daughter after all, so she will most likely want things to be on top form, too flowers

Mishap Fri 23-Mar-12 17:54:22

Oh brilliant news syberia!

Annika Fri 23-Mar-12 17:58:17

syberia wonderful news sunshine

Faye Fri 23-Mar-12 18:00:19

Daughters, we are lucky to have them but they can be grumpy. hugs Syberia flowers

GoldenGran Fri 23-Mar-12 18:55:32

Syberia (((hugs))) So glad you had a good day. My step daughter was a prickly nightmare on the run up to the birth of her daughter, nobody could say the right thing. She was still a bit like it for the first three months, but now DSGD is an adorable 8 months, Mother is all smiles and back to her sunny self. It is a roller coaster!

johanna Fri 23-Mar-12 22:23:42

"We do not want to see anybody for two weeks, ' cause we want to bond."
To her own mother??????

glassortwo Fri 23-Mar-12 22:29:02

syberia sunshine

glammanana Fri 23-Mar-12 22:47:45

So glad your daughter sounded her old self when you spoke syberia if she is anything like my DD when she has been expecting I know how you are feeling mine was a complete nightmare,but as soon as all over back came the girl we all knew,it was just

JessM Sat 24-Mar-12 07:54:27

Phew. Hormones eh?

maxgran Mon 26-Mar-12 14:48:17

I think you are a saint for holding your tongue and treading carefully !
I would probably explode if my daughter was so sharp with me, pregnant or not.