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aibu to feel a bit disgruntled about this invitation?

(30 Posts)
frida Thu 03-May-12 21:51:26

been invited to an evening wedding reception for a distant relative. If this person passed me in the street or even came and knocked on my door I wouldn't even recognise them ! The couple have been living together for a few years and have baby twins. Along with the invitation was a 'poem' inviting the guests to 'make a wish' for the happy couple and put the wish into a 'wishing well' at the party along with some cash so that when all their stuff needs to be replaced they will use the money and 'hope' that my wish will be granted. What a load of b****cks!

Oldgreymare Thu 03-May-12 21:55:40

Decline, politely of course! grin

harrigran Thu 03-May-12 22:30:48

Bloomin' cheek. I just came across a similar case where guests were invited to contribute to the holiday of a lifetime except they went on a similar holiday last year and the year before hmm

Annobel Thu 03-May-12 23:18:43

What a totally naff idea!

hummingbird Thu 03-May-12 23:20:10

Oh I don't know... Most people feel they would like to give a gift on the occasion of a wedding, and these days, with couples living together, they don't need the household goods we got for wedding presents. I'd much rather give a gift of money for the couple to use however they wish. It is different if you don't know the couple very well, I agree. I guess the daft poem has irritated you, frida, but it's very difficult to find a way of saying "thank you but we don't want any c--p!

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 00:14:47

Gift of money yes, wishing well, naff. When a relative who had everything in the world including a well-off partner got married, I gave a couple of goats in her name to Save the Children as she worked for them.

Greatnan Fri 04-May-12 00:26:08

I have received an invitation which says the couple, having lived together for many years, do not need anything for their house and would be grateful for a cash contribution to their honeymoon. Nothing about a wishing well. I am quite happy to accede to their wishes. I would much rather give something which is really wanted.
On the other hand, I do know this couple very well - I once got an invitation to a wedding in the USA from a girl I had met once through her father. I assumed it was simply to get a wedding present as she would hardly have thought that I was going to pay my own fare/hotel to attend.

nanachrissy Fri 04-May-12 07:52:27

Sheer cheek! I would not hesitate to refuse the invitation politely and not send anything. Times are hard! angry

harrigran Fri 04-May-12 11:40:11

When my DS and DIL got married they said no gifts but if people would like to donate to the university they used to attend, the money would be placed in the hardship fund and help struggling students. There was a good response and we like to think it helped.

Bags Fri 04-May-12 11:44:37

I'm not sure you even need to reply to such chancers.

gracesmum Fri 04-May-12 11:48:30

One of DD's friends who had lost her mother to cancer not long before the wedding asked for donations to Cancer Relief. I also like the idea of the "virtual" gift - if the couple are not setting up home in the way we used to be. As for contributing to the honeymoon, I feel if you can't afford it, you scale back on your expectations - it is not obligatory to have 2 weeks in the Maldives is it?

jeni Fri 04-May-12 12:00:15

We had a week in rundown hotel in Clevedon Somerset. The hotel seemed to cater solely for residential oaps and there were loads of zimmer frames behind the front door! The door was locked at 8pm!
It was the only hotel we could afford as we only had £10 between us to spend on the honeymoon! This was in 1967 and I was still a student.
Strangely enough though, we then lived in westbromwich, but now I live 4miles from clevedon.
The hotel, however, has been demolished!

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 12:25:16

For my 70th birthday my sons sent out the invitations to relatives and old friends asking them, if they wanted to give a gift, to make a contribution to a travel voucher with Trailfinders which has given me the basis for a nice holiday. Trouble is that a year and a half later I haven't yet made up my mind. So much choice! This might be a good idea for the bride and groom who already have everything.

janthea Fri 04-May-12 13:24:00

When my elder daughter go married, they asked for no presents, but set up a Just Giving page for cancer research and asked for donations. They said they didn't need anything as they had been together for a few years and had everything. smile

janthea Fri 04-May-12 13:27:35

I'm going to a friend's 70th birthday party soon. The invitation says 'no presents - just bring yourself' What a lovely idea!

Stansgran Fri 04-May-12 14:07:57

We went to a Ruby wedding party recently which said no presents on the invite-but people did appear with bottles of red wine-which was a friendly token

Greatnan Fri 04-May-12 14:56:58

Annobel, don't let it run out - some gift vouchers have a time limit!

When I got married in 1959 we had a week in a caravan at Abergele and the first thing I saw was a huge beetle on the bed! I made my husband check all the bedding every night.
When my daughter married her husband, they took all four of her existing children to Tunisia for their honeymoon.

harrigran Fri 04-May-12 19:03:19

Our honeymoon was two nights in the Lake District and it was the middle of October. The hotel closed for the winter the day we left, those were the days smile

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 19:22:26

No, don't worry, it won't run out - it's in the form of a pre-paid card. I'd love to cruise up the coast of Canada and Alaska and combine it with a train trip through the Rockies. But.... I'd have to put a helluva lot of money into it from the personal exchequer! But that's the dream.

Humbertbear Sat 05-May-12 09:35:22

The idea may be naff but it all comes down to whether or not you want to see the other people who will be at the party. Put cash in an envelope then it will be anonymous and they won't know how much ( or how little) you gave.

Joan Sat 05-May-12 10:30:14

The wishing well is standard here in Australia. My son had one, but we had already given them a big present so all they got in the well was a nominal amount from us.

Our other son is marrying his Chinese/Australian fiancee next year, and it is standard procedure at Chinese weddings to give money in a little envelope. Figures can range from A$50 to A$1000.

Both sons have been living with their partners for ages, and have all the household stuff they want, in once case double, because she lived with a flat mate before.

I would only go to a wedding and reception if I knew at least one of them well, and was fond of them. Of course, if it is immediate family you really should go, no matter what!!

ninathenana Tue 08-May-12 22:12:30

harrigran 2 nights in the lake smile

We got married on the Saturday, DH went to work on Monday !

My nephew asked for money towards the honeymoon when he married last year as he and his partner had lived together for 5yrs. We didn't feel pressured to contribute, and weren't offended by the request.

I think it's a bit of a cheek when your only an evening guest though.

gracesmum Tue 08-May-12 22:17:54

Does anyone else (like me) dislike the "evening do" invitation? It seems so "second 11" and frankly I would rather go to the church ceremony (as people used to do who weren't necessarily invited to the wedding) as that, for me is the important part.
I always decline "evening do" invitations on the pretext of a prior engagement. I was glad that DD did not have a separate guest list at her wedding 3 years ago - she said either they wanted people there or not, and no half measures.

whenim64 Tue 08-May-12 22:27:24

Me too, gracesmum! Not because it's second 11 but I've grown out of those loud disco 'do's' where you can't hear a word anyone is saying, you only get to speak to the bride and groom when you go to say 'goodbye' and they thank you for the present they haven't opened that is stuck in a big pile with all the other things they don't need.

There must be better ways to hold a reception!

gracesmum Tue 08-May-12 23:52:56

Re honeymoons - we had one night in Edinburgh in the North British and one night in London at the Strand Palace after dinner at Boulestin's courtesy of in-laws. Must have been what I ate - I spent the night in the loo sad