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aibu to feel a bit disgruntled about this invitation?

(31 Posts)
frida Thu 03-May-12 21:51:26

been invited to an evening wedding reception for a distant relative. If this person passed me in the street or even came and knocked on my door I wouldn't even recognise them ! The couple have been living together for a few years and have baby twins. Along with the invitation was a 'poem' inviting the guests to 'make a wish' for the happy couple and put the wish into a 'wishing well' at the party along with some cash so that when all their stuff needs to be replaced they will use the money and 'hope' that my wish will be granted. What a load of b****cks!

nanaej Wed 09-May-12 22:37:25

My DD did not ask for gifts but most people asked what they wanted so she set up a web page and people who asked were directed there..they could give cash which DD had translated into equivalent air miles, bottles of wine etc. that would contribute to their already paid for 'honeymoon' in Mallorca with their little boy!

Most guests were invited for the whole wedding but SiL had loads of work mates so some of them just came for drinks and disco! Think younger people don't have the same expectations now and realise that it is an expensive business to invite all for a meal.

vegasmags Wed 09-May-12 22:06:33

I have some very nice young friends who are getting married this summer after living together for several years. They therefore don't need the usual kind of weddding presents and have asked for wine which they can lay down as the basis of a future cellar. I think this is a great idea as you don't have to spend a fortune - just guess which wine will improve with age. Their request has also caused some merriment in that they are well known as a couple who like to enjoy life, and it's a question as to whether they will demonstrate the self discipline not to drink it all within the first 12 months!

Another young couple of my acquaintance planned to acquire an allotment after marriage, so requested a whole list of gardening gifts, ranging from tools to packets of seeds and a load of horse manure!

I got married for the first time at 21, and still use some of the modest, mostly utilitarian presents I received - the ironing board from an aunty, the Boxing Day tea set from my mum and various kitchen bits and bobs. I rather like this link with the past.

gracesmum Wed 09-May-12 21:45:50

Subtle (as a brick) hint eh? grin

specki4eyes Wed 09-May-12 21:20:48

A good thing to put on an invitation is, "no presents, your presence is our present".
I once told a friend in advance that I would be unable to attend her daughter's wedding. A week or two later in the post to my French home, came a big fat expensive looking envelope containing: official engraved invitation; directions to church and reception venue; list of local hotels/airport/train station; instructions for accessing Harvey Nicks gift list. Hmm!

Faye Wed 09-May-12 01:02:13

It is becoming quite common in Australia to be invited to weddings in other states or countries. My son in law was groomsman at a wedding three years ago, this meant flights, hire car to drive from the airport, about another hundred kilometres, hotel accommodation, meals and then they were expected to contribute money for a wedding gift which normally I would think of as fine. They felt quite pressured and only accepted because SIL was one of the groomsmen but struggled to find the money and had to miss meals some of the time they were away as they ran out of money. This year they have been invited to a wedding in Bali, they have accepted the invitation and about eighty people from this country area are also going, all for a week. This time SIL and D2 can afford to go and are looking forward to the holiday especially as there are many of their friends also attending. They have also been asked to give money as a gift. I would think if people had paid thousands of dollars on flights, accommodation, meals for a week, etc to attend a wedding their presence would be enough of a present!

gracesmum Tue 08-May-12 23:52:56

Re honeymoons - we had one night in Edinburgh in the North British and one night in London at the Strand Palace after dinner at Boulestin's courtesy of in-laws. Must have been what I ate - I spent the night in the loo sad

whenim64 Tue 08-May-12 22:27:24

Me too, gracesmum! Not because it's second 11 but I've grown out of those loud disco 'do's' where you can't hear a word anyone is saying, you only get to speak to the bride and groom when you go to say 'goodbye' and they thank you for the present they haven't opened that is stuck in a big pile with all the other things they don't need.

There must be better ways to hold a reception!

gracesmum Tue 08-May-12 22:17:54

Does anyone else (like me) dislike the "evening do" invitation? It seems so "second 11" and frankly I would rather go to the church ceremony (as people used to do who weren't necessarily invited to the wedding) as that, for me is the important part.
I always decline "evening do" invitations on the pretext of a prior engagement. I was glad that DD did not have a separate guest list at her wedding 3 years ago - she said either they wanted people there or not, and no half measures.

ninathenana Tue 08-May-12 22:12:30

harrigran 2 nights in the lake smile

We got married on the Saturday, DH went to work on Monday !

My nephew asked for money towards the honeymoon when he married last year as he and his partner had lived together for 5yrs. We didn't feel pressured to contribute, and weren't offended by the request.

I think it's a bit of a cheek when your only an evening guest though.

Joan Sat 05-May-12 10:30:14

The wishing well is standard here in Australia. My son had one, but we had already given them a big present so all they got in the well was a nominal amount from us.

Our other son is marrying his Chinese/Australian fiancee next year, and it is standard procedure at Chinese weddings to give money in a little envelope. Figures can range from A$50 to A$1000.

Both sons have been living with their partners for ages, and have all the household stuff they want, in once case double, because she lived with a flat mate before.

I would only go to a wedding and reception if I knew at least one of them well, and was fond of them. Of course, if it is immediate family you really should go, no matter what!!

Humbertbear Sat 05-May-12 09:35:22

The idea may be naff but it all comes down to whether or not you want to see the other people who will be at the party. Put cash in an envelope then it will be anonymous and they won't know how much ( or how little) you gave.

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 19:22:26

No, don't worry, it won't run out - it's in the form of a pre-paid card. I'd love to cruise up the coast of Canada and Alaska and combine it with a train trip through the Rockies. But.... I'd have to put a helluva lot of money into it from the personal exchequer! But that's the dream.

harrigran Fri 04-May-12 19:03:19

Our honeymoon was two nights in the Lake District and it was the middle of October. The hotel closed for the winter the day we left, those were the days smile

Greatnan Fri 04-May-12 14:56:58

Annobel, don't let it run out - some gift vouchers have a time limit!

When I got married in 1959 we had a week in a caravan at Abergele and the first thing I saw was a huge beetle on the bed! I made my husband check all the bedding every night.
When my daughter married her husband, they took all four of her existing children to Tunisia for their honeymoon.

Stansgran Fri 04-May-12 14:07:57

We went to a Ruby wedding party recently which said no presents on the invite-but people did appear with bottles of red wine-which was a friendly token

janthea Fri 04-May-12 13:27:35

I'm going to a friend's 70th birthday party soon. The invitation says 'no presents - just bring yourself' What a lovely idea!

janthea Fri 04-May-12 13:24:00

When my elder daughter go married, they asked for no presents, but set up a Just Giving page for cancer research and asked for donations. They said they didn't need anything as they had been together for a few years and had everything. smile

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 12:25:16

For my 70th birthday my sons sent out the invitations to relatives and old friends asking them, if they wanted to give a gift, to make a contribution to a travel voucher with Trailfinders which has given me the basis for a nice holiday. Trouble is that a year and a half later I haven't yet made up my mind. So much choice! This might be a good idea for the bride and groom who already have everything.

jeni Fri 04-May-12 12:00:15

We had a week in rundown hotel in Clevedon Somerset. The hotel seemed to cater solely for residential oaps and there were loads of zimmer frames behind the front door! The door was locked at 8pm!
It was the only hotel we could afford as we only had £10 between us to spend on the honeymoon! This was in 1967 and I was still a student.
Strangely enough though, we then lived in westbromwich, but now I live 4miles from clevedon.
The hotel, however, has been demolished!

gracesmum Fri 04-May-12 11:48:30

One of DD's friends who had lost her mother to cancer not long before the wedding asked for donations to Cancer Relief. I also like the idea of the "virtual" gift - if the couple are not setting up home in the way we used to be. As for contributing to the honeymoon, I feel if you can't afford it, you scale back on your expectations - it is not obligatory to have 2 weeks in the Maldives is it?

Bags Fri 04-May-12 11:44:37

I'm not sure you even need to reply to such chancers.

harrigran Fri 04-May-12 11:40:11

When my DS and DIL got married they said no gifts but if people would like to donate to the university they used to attend, the money would be placed in the hardship fund and help struggling students. There was a good response and we like to think it helped.

nanachrissy Fri 04-May-12 07:52:27

Sheer cheek! I would not hesitate to refuse the invitation politely and not send anything. Times are hard! angry

Greatnan Fri 04-May-12 00:26:08

I have received an invitation which says the couple, having lived together for many years, do not need anything for their house and would be grateful for a cash contribution to their honeymoon. Nothing about a wishing well. I am quite happy to accede to their wishes. I would much rather give something which is really wanted.
On the other hand, I do know this couple very well - I once got an invitation to a wedding in the USA from a girl I had met once through her father. I assumed it was simply to get a wedding present as she would hardly have thought that I was going to pay my own fare/hotel to attend.

Annobel Fri 04-May-12 00:14:47

Gift of money yes, wishing well, naff. When a relative who had everything in the world including a well-off partner got married, I gave a couple of goats in her name to Save the Children as she worked for them.