Gransnet forums



(13 Posts)
Hennonna Sun 06-May-12 14:26:24

Our 2+ yr old granddaughter has begun to stutter and it has coincided with her inability to use either the pot or the toilet to do her business.This she does in her pants somewhere quiet and when she is unobserved.I feel she is not ready to be toilet trained completely or that maybe something has happened at nursery which hasn't been reported to her parents.Not having experienced this problem with my own children,can anyone offer advice?I'm being very careful about what I say until I know a bit more!

whenim64 Sun 06-May-12 14:59:11

Has she just started potty training Hennonna? How much 2+ is she - just, or by a few months? She could be communicating she's not enjoying this training process and prefers the method she's used to.

If there is something more to it, do you have grounds to feel concerned? Is she generally a happy little girl? Stuttering in itself is not a big issue with children just beginning to articulate themselves - bit like the tantrums - both are signs of them wanting to express something and they can't do it quickly enough yet.

Greatnan Sun 06-May-12 15:39:00

I am afraid the combination of beginnng to stutter and also to start soiling herself again would set alarm bells ringing for me, with reference to the nursery.

whenim64 Sun 06-May-12 16:36:11

Do we know enough for alarm bells Greatnan? I would hold back until more is known. Children often take little retrograde steps and then continue to progress.

Greatnan Sun 06-May-12 16:45:31

I wasn't thinking of confronting the nursery, but perhaps trying to draw the child out gently, possibly asking her to tell you a story about what happens there.

Ceesnan Sun 06-May-12 17:07:37

I wouldn't think there was any cause for alarm at all. At only two it is very natural for hiccups in potty training, and the stuttering is quite common too - words are hard to get out sometimes when you are trying to explain things in a hurry. To suspect problems at the nursery on with very little reason is maybe slightly alarmist.

Annobel Sun 06-May-12 17:49:55

I wouldn't necessarily suspect the nursery. It's more likely that the little girl is feeling under pressure to be potty trained. If she is retreating into a corner to 'perform' it's clear that she knows what she's doing and this is a gesture of rebellion against conformity. She will get the message sooner or later. How do her parents react when she does this? I'm not suggesting that they punish herin any way - I'm sure they don't, but it's easy to let an expression of exasperation escape, whether facial or verbal.

Anagram Sun 06-May-12 17:56:06

One of my GDs did the retiring into a corner to perform in her knickers routine for a while after she was officially potty-trained. Turned out she was passing painful stools and she could cope better that way.

Mishap Sun 06-May-12 18:15:45

At that age a few months makes quite a lot of difference, so the response would depend on whether she is nearer 3 than 2 I think.

Is it just poo that's going into the pants, or is she weeing too?

Was she speaking well before she started to stutter?

I would think that she is trying to tell you something! - but it need not necessarily be something serious. As has been said, she may have passed a hard stool and has been put off the whole business. Or maybe mum and dad had an minor altercation (we all do it) and she is puzzled. Or she saw something on TV that frightened her. many things that might set her temporarily off-balance.

However, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with the nursery, explaining what is happening. asking what they have observed and enlisting their co-operation in dealing with it. Children of that age feel very powerless and something that might have seemed very minor to the nursery worker might matter a lot to her. It is also important that they are dealing with this hiccough in the same way as at home, so that she is getting consistency.

I have to be controversial here and say that I think 2 is very young to be at nursery - I know that I am out of step with lots of people over this. I just think that when these tiny people are trying to find their feet in this strange world they need their Mum/Dad/close relative around - people with whom they feel really secure, and whose responses they can predict.

I think she needs lots of cuddles; lots of playing with; lots of reassurance. These things usually blow over. It is a puzzling world for these little people. The less direct notice taken of it all, the better.

I guess you are in biting the tongue mode - a natural state for grandparents!

whenim64 Sun 06-May-12 18:29:27

Wise words Mishap! smile

glammanana Sun 06-May-12 18:48:13

I have to agree with mishap on this one and will probably get into trouble but 2 yrs old (just 24mths) I think is to young for nursery tied in with the process of toilet training,lets do one thing at a time they are only babies,maybe the little one is taking in what milestones older children are doing and getting a bit upset about it,she may be also so bright that she has trouble getting her words out before she has learnt propably how to say them hense the stuttering.

nanaej Sun 06-May-12 18:52:23

Hi Henn
My DD1 though happy to pee in the potty hated to 'let go' of her poo! I think she partly did not like the feeling of pooing into a loo or potty and also it is a big way to show you have control! Eventually after about 3 months, by kind of ignoring the issue ie not commenting but just changing /cleaning her, and regulary sitting her on the potty , again with little comment, she overcame the difficulty. If your grandaughter's poo habit has begun after she was fully toilet trained and was using a potty/loo happily before then it is more likely a sign she is upset about something.

Stuttering at 2 is fairly common as language develops and ideas rush into their minds it it hard to co-ordinate it all. If she stutters when she is chatting happily I would not worry to much. If the stutter happens because she is anxious and the anxiety is new then it needs further investigation. Best to just give her time to say what she wants and not finish the word /phrase as that can make things worse.

Do you have a reason to think it is nursery related? If there is an issue causing the stutter /poo issue it could be a result of anything at home as much as nursery...and could, as Mishap says, something comparatively minor to an adult but major wen you are 2!

Greatnan Sun 06-May-12 22:03:52

One of my GDs had terrible trouble passing a motion and would hold on to it until it leaked out. One doctor just gave her a gentle laxative, but a woman doctor made a more thorough examination and found she had a type of pouch at the lower end of her bowel, where the faeces collected and hardened. With a change in diet habits, she gradually grew out of it but I remember how upsetting it was to see her desperately trying not to open her bowels because of the pain.

I believe children can be quite happy in a good nursery, especially if they have a sibling with them. I think some parents don't have much choice if they both need to work and I would hate to make any mother feel guilty about it. Two of my grand-daughters went to a creche at the hospital where my daughter was training as a nurse, when they were two and three. They loved it and asked if they could go in at weekend!