Gransnet forums


Personal attacks

(16 Posts)
Ceesnan Tue 08-May-12 11:13:27

Why is it that a difference of opinion can be taken as a personal attack? Surely the basis of any discussion is the exchange of points of view. I have noticed several threads where opinions differ and someone has fallen back on the "That is a personal attack" gambit where none was made, well, not that I could see anyway. A frank exchange of views is the basis of any good discussion.

JosieGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 08-May-12 11:29:41

Hi Ceesnan,

We very much agree that an exchange of points of view is a good basis for a discussion.

Do take a look at our talk guidelines if you have any questions about moderation on Grannsnet:

And if anyone's in any doubt about whether a post is a personal attack, the best thing to do us to report it to us (the report link is on the top right of each post), and we'll take a look.

nanaej Tue 08-May-12 11:31:47

I agree Ceesnan. The discussions / debates only thrive if individuals can express their opinions without being afraid they will be taken as personal attacks. It is harder on a forum to be ironic / joke etc because tone of voice is not there but use of emoticons often helps. If I express an opinion and see all responses do not agree with me I have to accept that, in that forum, I am in the minority. Hopefully I am open enough to think about my opinion..I might modify it in light of what others have said or I might stick by my original opinion! Isn't that why we enjoy the forums..boring if we all agree!

JessM Tue 08-May-12 11:32:18

At a risk of repeating myself, a good rule is, as in soccer, "go for the ball not the player" .
I like a good disagreement myself. When we have reunions of our extended family there is lots of debate, with political views ranging from Tory to Trotsky.
I was also educated in a tradition where debate is seen as a good thing. My DH is more of a pure scientist (physics, maths etc) and did not experience this sort of thing in university. Also his family never debate and rarely disagree. So it does depend on your background how comfortable you are with people disagreeing.
I think it behoves us to be careful about how we express disagreement and likewise, to take a deep breath and ask ourselves "Am i being got at, or just disagreed with".
I had to pull myself up the other day when someone posted some views that I thought were somewhere out on the wilder fringes of reason. smile

whenim64 Tue 08-May-12 11:35:29

The fair and frank exchange of points of view is ideal and usually happens on here, even when the discussions become somewhat heated, but I sometimes see an ambiguous dig being made (perhaps so it can be denied if challenged), and wonder whether it's done to express some frustration or to beef up the discussion. I also sometimes (rarely) read posts that are plainly meant to be hurtful and the person they are aimed at either misses it completely, or chooses to turn the other cheek.

There are some wise grans on here who don't rise to the bait - they have my respect smile

absentgrana Tue 08-May-12 11:42:54

whenim64 During the course of the past 12 months I cannot recall seeing any posts that I considered were "plainly meant to be hurtful". All the recent suggestions and accusations of personal attacks are just that – recent. It's becoming very tedious.

imjingl Tue 08-May-12 11:48:38

whenim64 that's the kind of post that makes everyone think "is that aimed at me?"

Well, not everyone.

In fact, probably just me. hmm

Anagram Tue 08-May-12 12:12:04

I know what you mean, jingl. The trouble is, one person's 'jokey/witty comment' can be seen by someone else as a 'sarcastic dig', and no number of emoticons can solve the difficulties of conveying exactly what one means on a forum read by so many.

Barrow Tue 08-May-12 12:17:53

I used to belong to a forum where it seemed a lot of the posters were deliberately unpleasant - name calling and bad language were not rare. This was a forum of, supposedly, adult people. I have to say since joining Gransnet I haven't seen any of that - we are obviously all very reasonable people willing to see another persons point of view.

grrrranny Tue 08-May-12 12:29:05

I am not sure how posts can really be personal attacks when we don't know each other - we only know how that poster presents on this forum. Yes there seem to be misunderstandings. I try to be balanced but sometimes my inner bitch, sarcastic and flippant, will show herself and is shot down in flames but that is only a bit of me - and a bit I don't like much so it is deserved.

grrrranny Tue 08-May-12 12:39:41

But as I have never been on a forum before this, I am maybe missing the point - in fact probably am.

imjingl Tue 08-May-12 12:42:26

Why the F was this thread ever started?

Totally unnecessary.

AlisonMA Tue 08-May-12 13:00:36

We should all be free to say what we think but try not to be personal. I can understand that sometimes people say things in haste which they may regret later. We should all forgive and forget, surely we have reached the age when we can be tolerant?

whenim64 Tue 08-May-12 15:34:04

Jingle - aimed at you? Since when did you ever make an 'ambiguous dig' at anyone? You always says what you think even if you do cross it out!

I know if you want to tell me something, you will say it outright smile

nanachrissy Tue 08-May-12 15:48:09

I agree with absent, it is getting tedious. Some people seem a little moody and say things which I consider to be quite bad mannered, then I have to go and shout rude things do something else. wink

Nonu Tue 08-May-12 18:35:26

Hey , lets all be friends but then I know , we are !!! xxxx