Gransnet forums


feeling left out

(195 Posts)
nelliedeane Wed 09-May-12 19:00:15

am feeling very left out and unloved,you all seem to know each other so well and are all meeting up with each other,and I dont seem to fit in to any of the niches,or fit in to any of the groups already formed am a very sad nellie,and feel very cross with myself for sounding so needy,nellie is having a bad daysad

whitewave Wed 09-May-12 19:04:08

No Nellie

I just joined last week - it doesn't matter if you can't find anything to fit make up your own and we will soon join in with you. I am not sure who is meeting who but some of the grannetters have been at it for a year so are well know to each other wait for a year and see what happens.

I first joined the virtual party on Saturday and got into the swing of there - took my dog too!!

tanith Wed 09-May-12 19:06:51

don't feel bad nellie there are lots of people here who aren't part of a group and I'm one of them, in fact I hadn't noticed there were any specific groups, I just join in as and where I please. Some people post a lot and inevitably get on first name terms quickly others post occasionally and never get pally with anyone in particular. I'm sure as you say you're just having a bad day and tomorrow will be better. Just jump right in on any subject that takes your fancy and lots of others do .

grannyactivist Wed 09-May-12 19:07:12

Come on nellie, chin up. We all just pitch in and respond to whatever's up on the 'active' thread. As far as I know soop and bags met up when the former was in hospital, greatnan and jura knew each other in 'real life' before joining GN and Jeni and maniac are going on a cruise having met only on GN. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) So, three couples out of the many thousands of Gransnetters have actually met/are meeting. The rest of us just pootle along sharing our ups and downs.
Just keep on posting and you'll soon find you get an idea of what we're about; we really would love to include you and I am sending you some sunshine and flowers to cheer you up.

Anagram Wed 09-May-12 19:12:35

Yes, nellie - we're not all meeting up! (Sadly! smile).
You made a great start on the GN Party thread with your duets with soop - just join in as and when you want, we really, really want you to!

Charlotta Wed 09-May-12 19:14:54

Really nellie there is no need to feel like that. I have no special friends on GN and there are a lot of us like that. We don't all want to sit with our lap tops open before we have even made our first cup of tea in the morning.

Keep writing about things which interest you and we love to read what you write.

Jacey Wed 09-May-12 19:15:01

Hi nelliedeane ...yes, some of the posters have 'known' each other for a year, know their ways and have shared some ups and downs in their lives with each other.

But ...there are lots of us who dibble in and out with various threads that interest or concern us, while ignoring many other threads that people start.

Next time someone sets up a virtual party ...just join in ...I couldn't make the last one, but have joined in with a couple. there is a 'virtual' thread running at the moment ...go and join in. smile

Sometimes I go for ages, without posting ...but I often pop-in to read and keep up with what is going on.

By the way whitewave ...are your dog's burns starting to heal?

whitewave Wed 09-May-12 19:17:00


Yes thank you for asking - he keeps licking off the cream though

glassortwo Wed 09-May-12 19:18:34

nellie you took a huge part in the celebration party thread, between you and soop had us all in stitches..... and we missed you on the night sad so I would say you well and truly fit in on GN!!

Most of us just mill around in and out of threads and we all just seem to get along, yes a few friendships have developed but together we have all been through a year of all kinds of joy and sorrow and with that people forge friendships. Give it time sunshine

shysal Wed 09-May-12 19:19:38

nellie I know what you mean. I have been a member since the early days but my shyness even extends to this forum, so I find myself on the periphery looking on most of the time. I do not often seem able to let myself join in the silliness or chats, much as I enjoy reading the threads. I have enjoyed your contributions, I think of you as someone who is good at joining in and a valuable member.
I think a lot of us also have a complex about killing threads and not seeing any acknowledgement to our comments, but if you go to the 'I'm on' list you will see that it may not really be so!
Hope you feel brighter soon. sunshine sunshine

grannyactivist Wed 09-May-12 19:23:03

shysal even people who pop up only now and again soon get their names known and are valued. Just like you. flowersgrinflowers

whenim64 Wed 09-May-12 19:26:41

It's funny because I've been coming on Gransnet for a year now and I also assumed everyone knew each other at first, but logically they couldn't because Gransnet had only started a day or so before I joined.

Keep joing in Nellie so we can get to know you better - I saw your name mentioned so many times at the virtual party, so I assumed you had integrated quickly. You'll soon be reassuring a new Gransnetter that you aren't always sat in some other Gransnetters's kitchen grin

jeni Wed 09-May-12 19:31:34

I only joined in December. Maniac and I have only met in the flesh once so far!
I can be shy, but I have an odd sense of humour that seems to be brought out by GN!
In real life, I'm horribly sane and sensible. It's so nice to be able to 'virtually'

nelliedeane Wed 09-May-12 19:33:09

am having a really bad day not a mum or a nan am a 'nummy' but GD wants her mum and I cant bring her back,so both of us are wanting the same person for different reasons and I dont seem to fit in anywhere,this is the first time since she died that I say that and I feel so guilty for snivelling,I like to be the life and soul of the party and hide my feelings and for some reason today they dont want to be hidden,we have haad to run away and be hidden and leave all I knew behind and make new friends and sometimes it is so hard to be t he whipping boy for all that ails a young child who wants her mum and I cant be that really on one now ...pass the tissues please sad

Greatnan Wed 09-May-12 19:39:24

I post a lot because I live alone in an isolated area and have all the time in the world, being retired. I don't think that makes me a sad person who wants to open my lap top before I have made my first cup of tea. In fact, I often look at Facebook first! smile
I am not part of any group and as has been said, the only person I have ever met is juragran. I am hoping to meet up with another member when I visit my sister in Manchester next week.
I have invited several members to pay me a visit - not in pm's but on the open forum - but so far it has not been convenient for anybody to come.
I have found that I am on the same wave-length as many members when it comes to religion and politics, both subects which interest me greatly. I do not 'know' these members and we do not form any organised group - we just tend to support any posts with which we agree. Similarly, there are many people who do not like my stance on these subjects and I can expect them to be very critical of virtually anything I post. Good - I can't imagine anything more boring than everyone agreeing on everything!
I was a late joiner but felt at home instantly, even though many people already 'knew' each other. I did (do) find it hard to remember the details of people's lives - if they were married/widowed/divorced/single, whether they were working, if they had problems with their family, where they lived, etc. and I often have to put somebody's name in the search box and look up their previous posts.

So far, Nellie, you seem to me to be a really good contributor to various threads and I am sure if you stay with us you will get to feel more and more at home.
If you are shy in 'real' life, it is probably harder to join in - I must say that shyness has never been one of my problems!

whenim64 Wed 09-May-12 20:09:00

nellie this is the place to have a wobble if you're going to have one! I am usually strong and resilient but on a few occasions last year it was coming for a chat on Gransnet, with people who aren't in the middle of my troubles, that really helped to keep me grounded. )I was ready to run my ex-DIL over, she was being so cruel and callous).

Tomorrow is another day, and you can come along and cheer someone else up. Meanwhile, take care of yourself, have a good weep and a night's sleep will put a fresh complexion on things flowers

grannyactivist Wed 09-May-12 20:11:10

Duh!! Where's it gone? I just wrote a long response to this and 'thought' I'd posted it. confused
Anyway the abridged version is (((((hugs galore))))) to nellie and to greatnan vive la difference! wink

whitewave Wed 09-May-12 20:16:20

Blimey Nellie don't be hard on yourself - you are just a normal human being who if you weren't feeling so sad at the moment and vunerable and a bit lost would be very very surprising. But the glory is that you have your daughter in your GD just think how many genes are hers.

nanachrissy Wed 09-May-12 20:20:20

nellie keep your chin up, we are all friends on here! You fitted right in with everyone as though you'd been here for ages. sunshine flowers

nightowl Wed 09-May-12 20:24:32

nellie I would like to echo what others have said, you had me in stitches when planning the virtual anniversary party and I enjoyed our banter about my tail (which is still strictly secret by the way). I missed the party as I was working (boo hoo) and I felt so left out!!

I so admire you as someone who has experienced terrible tragedy in your life but who has refused to let it crush your spirit and very obvious zest for life. You are doing such a hard job with your grandaughter; of course you can never replace her mum but I am sure she loves you very much and your daughter would be very very proud of you both xxx

specki4eyes Wed 09-May-12 20:26:14

You wobble nellie if you feel like it! I only got into gransnet a few months ago but quite quickly found that there are so many like minds. Its rather liberating to be communicating with people who don't know you, can't see you and only judge you by what you are revealing of your true self in your posts. And even then, most seem ready to accept an alternative view without prejudice. I haven't met up with anyone yet, but am hoping to later in the year - our only connection being that we live fairly close to one another and we often post on the same threads. Gransnet is now my daily treat to myself. Have some flowers Nellie dearxx

Greatnan Wed 09-May-12 20:28:46

Nellie - our posts crossed. You are probably suffering the most of any grandmother I know, so it is hardly surprising that you will have your bad days. Please do keep using Gransnet to pour out all your sadness and worries.

Butternut Wed 09-May-12 20:33:27

Dear nellie - do keep posting! So sorry you're having a bad day but I really hope you'll be feeling better by tomorrow. sunshine

greenmossgiel Wed 09-May-12 20:38:52

Oh, nelliedeane, you've been through a hell of a time. We may only be 'virtual' friends on here, but we are nevertheless real people and are able to show each other real understanding.
I didn't know anyone on here, when I joined Gransnet in its first few weeks of coming into being. I then suggested it to one of my friends down in England (I'm in Fife), and then Gally and I realised that we lived only a few miles away from each other, and have met up a few times - which has been really lovely! One of my other friends doesn't post, but reads the posts every day.
Some names pop up all the time, and then the odd one or two only sometimes. Please remember that we're all valued members on Gransnet. We all have a wee part to play, even if it's just the odd comment here and there.
Most of all, nellie, be kind to yourself. You're doing a great job, you really are. flowers

nelliedeane Wed 09-May-12 20:45:09

Thank you all am feeling such a wimp at the moment,I am normaly the strong /sensible one for some reason tonight just very tearful sad must be my age,and am very tired and think an early night is in order so am going to put myself to bed and wake up a happier Nellie and count my blessings,my lovely labrador is waiting for me to curl up with her,she knows when I am sad.......wishing you all sweet dreams lots of hugs nellie xxxxxxxxxx