Gransnet forums


Sons and telephones

(17 Posts)
Winefride Mon 25-Jun-12 09:44:45

How to handle son and dil who never contact. We are welcomed but feel in the way. have to arrange in advance it is so formal and makes me nervous.feels like pulling teeth. lovely grandchildren catch up once month family soooo busy.we do understand but a call would be nice

absentgrana Mon 25-Jun-12 09:48:14

Perhaps you could try texting occasionally. That is inevitably less formal and will not interrupt him/them when he/they are busy. This might establish a more relaxed and frequent means of communication.

whenim64 Mon 25-Jun-12 10:14:12

Yes, text them and say you're thinking about them. Arrange to visit and take something nice or them to eat, like a home made pie. Offer to babysit or have the children for an afternoon or overnight, and say you'll pick them up to free up time for them as they're so busy. Something will appeal to them. Good luck xx

Annobel Mon 25-Jun-12 10:14:57

Don't you have any titbits of family news or gossip that you could put in a text or email? I often send and receive texts and emails to and from DS1, DiLs and senior GD, not to mention my sister. DS2 calls me from his car (hands free) on his long commute home from work, just to chat - or sometimes to wind me up!

AlisonMA Mon 25-Jun-12 10:26:39

I can understand how difficult this is, I never call mine as I never know when it would be a good time so leave it to them to call me. One does quite a lot, another skypes most weekends and the other one is mostly email and that can be quite brief if he does it from his phone. Talks to DH more but only about football. So can't give any advice.

susiecb Mon 25-Jun-12 10:31:04

DH's son never contacts him but they are Ok when they meet. My eldest daughter rarely contacts me but we 'meet'occasionally on Facebook. Youngest daughter used to ring me nightly when she had problems but now she is OK only once a week. I ring them occasionally if I think its gone on too long but we often meet accidentally on Twitter and Facebook if they have posted something. Its just how it is I think. Everyone is Ok when we meet up which is about once a month for youngest daughter and abut once every six months for the others. If its all gone on too long for my comfort I do a BBQ or something - meet up for shopping somewhere central.

susiecb Mon 25-Jun-12 10:33:47

Oh sorry I didn't finish. I have the odd days where i think a phone call would be nice. when my parents were alive I used to ring them every couple of days to ask if they were Ok. DH rings his mother once a week to ask the same question but she is very deaf and cant hear him! It would be nice if they rang to ask how we are rater than just to tell us what they are doing but then I didn't bring them up to think they had to look after me as I so resented how much care I had to give my mother from about the age of 12 really (she was a raging hypochondriac!).

Yummygran Mon 25-Jun-12 10:34:19

I text my younger son a couple of times during the week to try and maintain contact, I find this less intrusive, and then he can reply when he has a spare minute. It's silly I know but since a family fall out at Christmas I find I feel nervous to ring him and would never visit without a invitation any more!

Winefride Mon 25-Jun-12 10:58:49

Thanks everyone for all suggestions I thought it was only me and u start to question yourself too much. Will keep going with the texts and catch up as we can. Both my son and dil left home to go to uni and have always lived away and made own life

wallers5 Tue 03-Jul-12 11:47:20

Ah Winifride - how consoling to have someone in the same position. I agree with all you say & I am lucky if I see my grandchildren with that son, twice a year! He IS very busy & when I send him photos, he says he loves getting them but doesn't have time to reply! We do live 4 hours away from each other. It is difficult isn't it. Maybe it's just boys. My 2 daughters ring most days! They say you loose your son when he gets married.

GoldenGran Tue 03-Jul-12 12:45:25

I think it is boys, my son very rarely rings, but is delighted when I ring him. the girls ring a couple of times a week. I have find that my DIL has made things better by e mailing me and texting me and I think gently nudging him into action.

Annobel Tue 03-Jul-12 12:59:52

I don't know what I've done right - I'd write a book about it if I did - or if I've just been lucky. Both DSs keep in touch, usually by phone, quite often. It might have something to do with their having felt protective of me when I went through the divorce when they were teenagers. Luckily they seem to have taken my father as a role model rather than their father!

Bez Tue 03-Jul-12 14:56:40

My DS lives in USA with his family and we speak every weekend - I mainly do the ringing as my telephone bill includes all calls, but if I am late he rings me. Due to the time lag any news midweek is sent or received via email or he may be able to ring from work - then always a short call. My DIL keeps in touch via email or Facebook and only occasionally by phone. My daughter and I speak a few times a week or text a lot. My young adult GCs text me or use Skype or messages on Facebook.
I think all families are different and if I feel I have not heard from anyone for a while an 'are you OK' text usually does the trick.

nelliedeane Tue 03-Jul-12 19:20:59

Ds keeps in touch with blackberry messenger we chat all day like this sometimes,just look on my phone and the little icon has a star on it...nothing important just chit chat and jokes..other days don't hear from him depends what he is doing...have had a needy mum myself don't want to be that way with himxxxx

j04 Tue 03-Jul-12 21:53:02

I prefer texts. You can say what you need to without getting bored.

Mind you, the girls are ok, but with son it's like water out of a stone! hmm

GillieB Wed 04-Jul-12 09:08:28

I'm very fortunate because I'm in contact with my son every couple of days by text, and he rings at least once a week - we probably see each other once a week, too. My daughter in law also keeps in touch by text, especially now she has a baby; so, for instance, yesterday she texted with the new weight of my grand-daughter. Occasionally I don't hear from my daughter for about three days, but she usually rings frequently and, in any case, we see her on the day that we have my grandson.

I think texting is a great way to keep in touch - then they can reply when they have the time.

Annobel Wed 04-Jul-12 09:21:39

My DS usually replies to texts with 'OK' - a man of few words! But at least I know he's in touch and he does talk on the phone frequently.