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To expect some consideration

(32 Posts)
Barrow Mon 25-Jun-12 14:17:16

This morning I received an email from a friend. It was one of those "round robin" emails which say you have to pass it on to at least 5 people or you will get 3 years bad luck. I have sent it back to her saying I am surprised she sent it to me as I have already had my fair share of bad luck having been widowed some months back.

She has said that I am over-reacting and that it is just a bit of fun. She knows how I feel about this type of email and that I would never send it on.

Now I am prepared to accept that I may be feeling a little fragile but shouldn't she have considered my reaction to that email? It has caused me to think about our friendship and whether I want it to continue. We only meet up if I contact her first, unless she has split with the latest boyfriend and needs a shoulder to cry on. In the past if I got exasperated with her my husband would make a funny comment and the feeling would pass. Now I feel that by sending this email knowing I wouldn't pass it on is she wishing me bad luck (I said I was feeling fragile!).

whenim64 Mon 25-Jun-12 14:34:14

That's a person to shake off Barrow. She's isn't being friendly to you, and she hasn't considered your feelings. She hasn't brought you bad luck, either - we make our own luck much of the time. She's being thoughtless. Delete the email and forget her, is my advice. You deserve better smile

Learnergran Mon 25-Jun-12 14:38:24

Barrow, your "friend" is clearly thoughtless and inconsiderate. I doubt she has deliberately wished you bad luck, because she simply would not have taken the trouble to think it through that far. But do you actually need a friend like this? I'm sure you have other people who do care about you - delete the email, stop bothering to contact her (nothing to stop you going out to the shops or something with her if she happens to contact you) and concentrate on the rest of your life.
You always have GN if you're lonely or just want a chat! smile flowers

Greatnan Mon 25-Jun-12 14:57:34

She is just a silly, thoughtless woman, and she can't bring you bad luck, Barrow. Just forget her and the e-mail.

Anagram Mon 25-Jun-12 15:03:20

I agree with the above replies. You don't need an inconsiderate and insensitive 'friend' like that. A bit of fun, indeed! These round robins are a menace and can cause unnecessary stress and anguish. Like you, Barrow, I would never pass one on.

ayse Mon 25-Jun-12 15:08:20

Perhaps initially she didn't think and so sent it on. However, I do think she has been very insensitive and I'd go along with the idea that she isn't a real friend. How very upsetting.
On a more general point I rarely send those type of emails on anymore. You know, the ones that are threatening although I do send them back to the sender. Apparently they are used in phishing to find out others email addresses. At least that's what I've been told.
All the best

Annika Mon 25-Jun-12 15:38:35

Before the days of computers/ emails or even text messages there was the 'chain letter'. I remember mum getting one saying that if she didn't pass it ( I forget the amount) on to other people bad luck would head her way.
I think there was some sort of organisation or radio station where you could forward these letters on to , in the hope that you had made sure that bad luck didn't come calling.
As for those sort of emails thats what the delete button is for wink

HildaW Mon 25-Jun-12 15:49:14

Barrow, its amazing how certain thick skinned folks always seem to be able to plead huge sensitivity when one points out they have done something tasteless, senseless or just down right mean. Somehow they always manage to turn ones sensible and often tactfull comments about their action around to make YOU feel the thoughtless one. (Yup can ya tell ....has happened to me?) Dont fret about it one more moment, they are just not worth the agro.

yogagran Mon 25-Jun-12 16:03:07

I feel that one of the sentences in you OP gives the biggest clue as to what to do, you said "We only meet up if I contact her first". I think that friendship is a two-way process and if only one person has to make the contact and arrangements then it's a very one-sided relationship and I would seriously consider whether it's worth continuing hmm

Ella46 Mon 25-Jun-12 16:12:04

I too agree with everything above. I hate these stupid e mails and always delete them. She is no friend to you Barrow, so forget her. You are feeling understandably fragile and I'm sure you have other friends who will help you to feel better,(as well as us) flowers sunshine

jeni Mon 25-Jun-12 16:19:27

I have feeling they may be illegal

Barrow Mon 25-Jun-12 16:25:35

Thank you so much for your responses - I do have other friends who are very supportive its just that I have known this one for many years so feel a bit sad to let go of the "friendship". I did discuss this with a mutual friend who said she had stopped seeing her because she considered her to be a "taker" and that wasn't real friendship.

I think I will not contact her and see what happens. Again many thanks for the supportive comments - I don't know any of you personally but its lovely to know you are there.

dorsetpennt Mon 25-Jun-12 16:37:02

My father used to say the Post Office invented chain letters because all the stamps needed to pass them on. I have received chain e-mails from friends and a really weird chain thing. Hard to explain but it is a sort of cake mixture called 'Herman the German' - you are given a small amount of thick cake like mixture in a plastic box, you add some ingredients to it over a few days - it has obviously grown larger by then - you use half for your cake and pass the mixture on to a friend. So that the original mixture starts with person A and ends up over the course of a few months with person Z. With the mixture came the receipe and a chain letter style message about breaking the bad luck by not passing it on. Needless to say I broke the chain.

kittylester Mon 25-Jun-12 17:25:55

I agree with everything said about chain letters and emails. I also think that your friend Barrow is not a real friend! Move on flowers

Herman is fine though! My grandchildren have been looking after Herman and passing it on to people who are happy to take it. One of their teachers said she thought she had put on a stone with all the slices of Herman she had been given. I'm sure theirs didn't come with a 'threatening' letter though!

Mishap Mon 25-Jun-12 17:45:47

I don't think she was actively wishing you bad luck, but she was certainly being very thoughtless, particularly at such a difficult time for you. What nonsense these wretched round robin emails can be!

I would concentrate on the good friends and leave her to stew.

JessM Mon 25-Jun-12 18:01:23

Herman sounds like yeast type sourdough thing. Will probably fizzle out!
I seem to remember there was a similar thing going on with ginger beer starter yeasty thing when i was a child.
I don't think chain emails are illegal - they do contravene many workplace IT policies though.
Barrow i agree that these emails are a load of nonsense and that not many people take them seriously. A lot of them require you to pass them on to a list of people - so I guess she just thought - who do i know who's on email and gave it no more consideration. Just plain thoughtless.
I hope that you will be able to shake off your upset on this one. YOu are bound to have wobbles at the moment and the mind will latch on to small things and start wobbling process.
Try to think about something nicer when your mind starts wanting to worry at this.

dorsetpennt Mon 25-Jun-12 18:14:58

Hi kittylester yes I enjoyed Heman but didn't like the chain letter with it. You must have been lucky then

NannaJeannie Mon 25-Jun-12 22:59:22

barrow these cascade emails are pernicious, just delete them. I always do, even when my sister in law sends them to me. They do not bring bad luck if you do not send them on. Just think, if everyone sent them on, the internet would be clogged.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling wobbly at the moment, keep reading and posting to Gransnet, it is a good community and there is always something to make you smile. And see your other friends, not this nitty one.

Sewsilver Mon 25-Jun-12 23:14:55

Barrow,How dare she do this when you are understandably fragile. I had a "friend" like this and because she was a long- standing friend tried to keep the contact going. Someone suggested the idea of auditing friendships from time to time. when I did that with this friend I realised she took all the time, didn't respect me, didn't value me as a friend and offered no support. I decided that I would make no contact and suddenly recently she seems to have noticed and has started texting me and leaving messages. Too little, too late. You are worth MUCH better friends than this insensitive woman.As for chain mails..........

Nanban Tue 26-Jun-12 07:59:04

I am so sorry for your loss. Tough times shine a light on 'friendships' we take for granted and which turn out to be nothing of the sort. I like the idea of auditing friendships - a good wardrobe clearout/house clean/garden chopping is so good for the soul this should be added to the list.

glammanana Tue 26-Jun-12 11:26:11

barrow ignore the e-mails and ignore your friend she is very insentitive if you ask me these type of messages are more in line of what my 13yr old DGD would send not something from a grown

petallus Tue 26-Jun-12 12:40:50

A very good friend of thirty years sends me those round robin e-mails. I always delete them. I also have a friend who NEVER contacts me first but does seem pleased to hear from me when I contact her.

I certainly don't think your friend sent you the e-mail to wish you bad luck. But she was tactless I suppose.

There must be something you have liked about your friend. I think it's just a question of trying to work out whether the pros outweigh the cons.

Good luck!

maxgran Tue 26-Jun-12 14:24:43

People send these emails on because they are scared.
Your friend didn't send it to you to hurt you or wish you bad luck - she was looking out for number one because SHE is afraid ! ( despite her saying its just a bit of fun)
I have told friends NOT to send them to me - If they did after I have told them not to, I would probably have words with them.
If I do get any from anyone else - I just delete them and think no more of it.

ChrissieR Tue 26-Jun-12 14:32:07

send it back to the same person 5 times or however many times they ask you to pass it on grin

MaggieP Tue 26-Jun-12 15:33:51

When I was at boarding school, chain letters were banned and maybe that has always stayed with me because like you fellow GNers, I always delete them on e mail and anyway would have a job finding enough people to forward them to, who wouldn't do the same!