To expect some consideration

JessM,.. He is 14 - but I think he has been on facebook for longer than a year !
I just saw one on his facebook page again today - Its a zombie type girl and it says 'I live under your bed - I won't go until you share this with 5 people'

He is a sensitive boy who worries about things. I have tried talking to him but he is obviously too scared not to carry on sharing them.
I told him he should be more scared of me than those daft sharing email messages - He laughed.

I've had 2 batches of Herman which I thoroughly enjoyed as did my friends -but I always ask them first if they want to participate -don't just send it!
With chain emails I ignore /delete first one.If I get more I send a reply asking them not to send any more as all my friends dislike them so no-one to send them to.

Just wondered mine was Staffordshire.

That is awful maxgran - how old is he?
They are not supposed to have Facebook pages until they are... I think it is 13. But many are allowed to. Big pressure to be one of the crowd.
If these are school friends sending him these, then the school can quite justifiably get involved. They should have an ICT use policy and lessons on the subject - teaching children to stay safe online and to highlight that online bullying is not acceptable, whether it happens in school hours or not.
This is a kind of intimidation and should be banned or discouraged. Unless young teens are told not to do it, they will think it is fine.
Most workplace policies expressly forbid them.
So my recommendation is for this parents to speak the school about this.

School was in Middlesex

My step grandson gets these sort of thing on facebook. He always does what they tell him to and told me it scares him and he has to 'obey' just in case!
I have told him to just delete them but he is too scared.

Its one things for kids to send these things - but I cannot believe adults would be that daft. Its sad.

Where we're you at school?

When I was at boarding school, chain letters were banned and maybe that has always stayed with me because like you fellow GNers, I always delete them on e mail and anyway would have a job finding enough people to forward them to, who wouldn't do the same!

send it back to the same person 5 times or however many times they ask you to pass it on

People send these emails on because they are scared.
Your friend didn't send it to you to hurt you or wish you bad luck - she was looking out for number one because SHE is afraid ! ( despite her saying its just a bit of fun)
I have told friends NOT to send them to me - If they did after I have told them not to, I would probably have words with them.
If I do get any from anyone else - I just delete them and think no more of it.

A very good friend of thirty years sends me those round robin e-mails. I always delete them. I also have a friend who NEVER contacts me first but does seem pleased to hear from me when I contact her.

I certainly don't think your friend sent you the e-mail to wish you bad luck. But she was tactless I suppose.

There must be something you have liked about your friend. I think it's just a question of trying to work out whether the pros outweigh the cons.

Good luck!

barrow ignore the e-mails and ignore your friend she is very insentitive if you ask me these type of messages are more in line of what my 13yr old DGD would send not something from a grown women.

I am so sorry for your loss. Tough times shine a light on 'friendships' we take for granted and which turn out to be nothing of the sort. I like the idea of auditing friendships - a good wardrobe clearout/house clean/garden chopping is so good for the soul this should be added to the list.

Barrow,How dare she do this when you are understandably fragile. I had a "friend" like this and because she was a long- standing friend tried to keep the contact going. Someone suggested the idea of auditing friendships from time to time. when I did that with this friend I realised she took all the time, didn't respect me, didn't value me as a friend and offered no support. I decided that I would make no contact and suddenly recently she seems to have noticed and has started texting me and leaving messages. Too little, too late. You are worth MUCH better friends than this insensitive woman.As for chain mails..........

barrow these cascade emails are pernicious, just delete them. I always do, even when my sister in law sends them to me. They do not bring bad luck if you do not send them on. Just think, if everyone sent them on, the internet would be clogged.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling wobbly at the moment, keep reading and posting to Gransnet, it is a good community and there is always something to make you smile. And see your other friends, not this nitty one.

Hi kittylester yes I enjoyed Heman but didn't like the chain letter with it. You must have been lucky then

Herman sounds like yeast type sourdough thing. Will probably fizzle out!
I seem to remember there was a similar thing going on with ginger beer starter yeasty thing when i was a child.
I don't think chain emails are illegal - they do contravene many workplace IT policies though.
Barrow i agree that these emails are a load of nonsense and that not many people take them seriously. A lot of them require you to pass them on to a list of people - so I guess she just thought - who do i know who's on email and gave it no more consideration. Just plain thoughtless.
I hope that you will be able to shake off your upset on this one. YOu are bound to have wobbles at the moment and the mind will latch on to small things and start wobbling process.
Try to think about something nicer when your mind starts wanting to worry at this.

I don't think she was actively wishing you bad luck, but she was certainly being very thoughtless, particularly at such a difficult time for you. What nonsense these wretched round robin emails can be!

I would concentrate on the good friends and leave her to stew.

I agree with everything said about chain letters and emails. I also think that your friend Barrow is not a real friend! Move on

Herman is fine though! My grandchildren have been looking after Herman and passing it on to people who are happy to take it. One of their teachers said she thought she had put on a stone with all the slices of Herman she had been given. I'm sure theirs didn't come with a 'threatening' letter though!

My father used to say the Post Office invented chain letters because all the stamps needed to pass them on. I have received chain e-mails from friends and a really weird chain thing. Hard to explain but it is a sort of cake mixture called 'Herman the German' - you are given a small amount of thick cake like mixture in a plastic box, you add some ingredients to it over a few days - it has obviously grown larger by then - you use half for your cake and pass the mixture on to a friend. So that the original mixture starts with person A and ends up over the course of a few months with person Z. With the mixture came the receipe and a chain letter style message about breaking the bad luck by not passing it on. Needless to say I broke the chain.

Thank you so much for your responses - I do have other friends who are very supportive its just that I have known this one for many years so feel a bit sad to let go of the "friendship". I did discuss this with a mutual friend who said she had stopped seeing her because she considered her to be a "taker" and that wasn't real friendship.

I think I will not contact her and see what happens. Again many thanks for the supportive comments - I don't know any of you personally but its lovely to know you are there.

I have feeling they may be illegal

I too agree with everything above. I hate these stupid e mails and always delete them. She is no friend to you Barrow, so forget her. You are feeling understandably fragile and I'm sure you have other friends who will help you to feel better,(as well as us)

I feel that one of the sentences in you OP gives the biggest clue as to what to do, you said "We only meet up if I contact her first". I think that friendship is a two-way process and if only one person has to make the contact and arrangements then it's a very one-sided relationship and I would seriously consider whether it's worth continuing

Barrow, its amazing how certain thick skinned folks always seem to be able to plead huge sensitivity when one points out they have done something tasteless, senseless or just down right mean. Somehow they always manage to turn ones sensible and often tactfull comments about their action around to make YOU feel the thoughtless one. (Yup can ya tell ....has happened to me?) Dont fret about it one more moment, they are just not worth the agro.