Gransnet forums


about familiarity--or patronising----from younger workers.

(45 Posts)
trendygran Fri 06-Jul-12 21:10:00

Am I alone in disliking being addressed as darling or sweetheart by people who serve in shops /supermarkets.,especially those who are much younger.
Many are fine,but some aren't. As a widow it would be wonderful to hear those terms from a .'special' person, but it just isn't the same when simply paying for shopping. How do other '65 and Over' Grandparents feel about this?

numberplease Fri 06-Jul-12 21:20:52

If they`re obviously just being pleasant, and not malicious, it doesn`t bother me. Better than folk like my horrible neighbour calling me a stupid old cow, and meaning it!

Anagram Fri 06-Jul-12 21:24:04

There's a girl in my local supermarket who calls everyone 'Hun' (presumably short for Honey). I like it!
I also like being called 'darling' or 'love' - it actually makes me feel younger (although I'm only 61 not over 65, but can't see it makes much difference!)

goldengirl Fri 06-Jul-12 21:24:55

No you're not alone although for some they say it as a matter of habit I think. For me it depends on how it's said and also by whom. One thing that jars is being called by my first name by so called professionals eg nurses, receptionists whom I don't know and have never met before. That said my dentist insists on me calling him by his first name but continues to call me Mrs Surname inspite of the fact I've asked him to call me by my first name. All very confusing! In medical situations for example I would much prefer being asked how I'd like to be called - just out of courtesy if nothing else.

merlotgran Fri 06-Jul-12 21:31:52

Oh for the days when we used to be called Mr. or Mrs. Surname as a matter of course. It was so respectful and could carry real affection from people in the service industry who might see you regularly. I know I'm sounding like Margot from The Good Life but when someone I have never met before is over familiar I want to draw myself up, arch my eyebrows and reply, 'I'm NOT your love!'

whenim64 Fri 06-Jul-12 21:52:36

The funniest name I have ever been called by someone younger than me was Babycakes! grin

I don't mind what I'm called as long as it is not done in a patronising way. I love being called hen by a Scottish friend. smile

yogagran Fri 06-Jul-12 22:11:31

It may be illogical - but I'd rather be called Hun or something like that, than people using my Christian name without asking first. Quite happy for people to use my first name but I do like to be asked!

johanna Fri 06-Jul-12 22:13:30

For me, it very much depends on the situation.
If, in a local shop I get called darling or luvvie I don't mind.
However I have seen old ladies in hospital wards called the same and I find that disgraceful.
Psychologically they are already at a disadvantage: they are horizontal and the person talking to them is standing upright. And they feel vulnerable anyway in their old age, and then there is this "thing" all of 25 years of age calling them darling . Not good.
It is disrespectful.
I think there was something in the news paper re. this today.

AlisonMA Sat 07-Jul-12 11:14:36

Agree with johanna

Not really relevant but I enjoyed it so will share. Was in Sainsbury's in a university area with DS3 a few years ago buying wine amongst other things and the assistant asked him for proof of age (he was about 26) and I said it was me who was buying it. Totally straight faced she asked me if I was over 25! Good for her, great presence of mind.

Maniac Sat 07-Jul-12 19:06:16

In Bristol they call you 'lover'

jeni Sat 07-Jul-12 19:32:16

In the black country 'ower kid!'

Anagram Sat 07-Jul-12 19:33:45

What, even in shops, jeni? shock

Anagram Sat 07-Jul-12 19:35:25

As in:

You: "How much is that, please?"

Them: "That'll be £2.00 exactly, please, ower kid."


jeni Sat 07-Jul-12 19:37:16

Ow yes ower kid!

JessM Sat 07-Jul-12 19:40:35

Wish they would use terms of endearment round here. Surly, I find in the N home counties.

Anagram Sat 07-Jul-12 19:51:11

I must admit, I hate being called 'madam'. It's as though they've noted that I am of a certain age and think that's bound to be acceptable! hmm

jeni Sat 07-Jul-12 19:56:47


Maniac Sat 07-Jul-12 19:58:59

In Northumberland it's 'hinny' In Derbyshire it's 'ducks'.
I've moved around quite a lot .Any more terms of endearment?

Stansgran Sat 07-Jul-12 20:07:17

Flower and petal or pet in Durham

Nonu Sat 07-Jul-12 20:22:13

Like being called madam , Lets face it I( am of a certain age we should be happy they maybe see that , in France women are respected for getting older , w e shouldn"t be too hard on ourselves [smile

whenim64 Sat 07-Jul-12 20:41:09

Ooh yes, like madam! grin

Anagram Sat 07-Jul-12 20:44:28

Well, it makes me feel old. And I'm not! wink

numberplease Sat 07-Jul-12 22:38:36

Round here it`s mainly duck, sometimes darling, neither of which I mind.

ginny Sat 07-Jul-12 23:13:51

It depends on the situation. Generally I don't mind in shops or by delivery persons but I would object in a more formal setting such as a solicitor or a doctor. One thing I do hate people saying is 'Yes Dear' I always feel it means they are not really listening and/or they think what you are saying is not worth listening to.

Mamie Sun 08-Jul-12 08:39:41

If I feel the "dear" etc is patronising, I respond by calling them "poppet". I think it is important though to recognise it when it is a regional thing. We went back to Yorkshire recently and I had forgotten how everyone says "love", including men to each other.