about familiarity--or patronising----from younger workers.

CaledoniaC Had exactly the same dental experience as you,but don't mind being called by my first name. I grew up in Yorkshire,so have no problem with being called 'love' ,or even 'duck' ,the local term of endearment. It's just 'darling ',' dear' and 'sweetheart' I don't like .As my 3 year old grandson says-------'I'm not sweetheart' I'm 'FRED'.

So long as you don't duck you're safe! I'm a lousy shot!

Wicked!

Or 'Like a Bat out of Hell'? (runs for cover...)

anagram yes, but I have strategy. I run them over and then apologise very sweetly and do my dotty old granny bit!
I'm thinking of fitting a stereo with 'Ride of the Valkyries' blasting forth at full volume to my scooter!
What GNers think of that for an idea?

I recently joined a local NHS Dentist after 30+ years at another surgery much further away, where I was always addressed as "Mrs S....." At the new one I was immediately called by my Christian name. This seemed rather too informal, since all the staff are under 30yrs old. However it's just something I have to accept I suppose.

Do people 'tut' at you as well, jeni? I've seen people be really rude to those in wheelchairs or scooters, as though they shouldn't actually be in the shop at all, and certainly not in their way!

I know I am when I'm in my wheelchair or mobility scooter. People walk right in front of you, shop assistants can't see you, in supermarkets two or three of them have a profound philosophical debate about ' what next door has been up to ' in the middle of the aisle and won't let you past!
Even worse. If you're with a friend people will talk over you and about you!
Fot heavens sake! At 5 7 and over 13 stone I'm hardly unnoticeable!

I am just happy to be noticed,.. I thought I had become invisible after I turned 50,...

Actually I think my dh did say I was dear? But I don't think he meant it in that way?

Nice one jeni

jeni

I have NO IDEA why nobody has EVER addressed me as DEAR,

Apart from in a letter?

Agree bags !

I think I'm far more likely to find formality shocking than informality. Formality is a screen for stuckupness pompousness. It's perfectly possible to be polite and respectful while being informal, and people usually are. It's also perfectly possible, and quite common, for people to be rude and disrespectful when being formal. Ergo, formality is not the issue: politeness is. You can tell if a person is being polite or not by their tone of voice and expression.

Therefore, I don't give a toss what people call me so long as they are polite/pleasant with it.

BUT, you can go easy on the "very mature" at 57, joan!!

Joan I think that use of first name terms in work is the norm here too - everywhere I have worked, including MDs of businesses and heads of NHS units. Surgeons in some cases may still stand on ceremony and want their honorary mr?

But terms of "endearment" at work are very much frowned on - I hope.

Here in Australia they are very informal and first names are used more, I think. In my last job everyone including the boss was addressed by first names.

The only time I was shocked by informality was at the University of Queensland as a mature (very mature - age 57) student doing German and French. One of the young lasses addressed a new lecturer as 'du' (ie thou). This is usually just used between friends and family, a more formal form of address being appropriate between student and teacher. I must have looked shocked, 'cos she then asked him if it was OK. He said of course it was! Then everyone used thee and thou in the lecture. I was flummoxed but went along with it. Anyway, this lecturer was gorgeous so I understood where the young lass was coming from!!!

Afterwards he got talking to me, and said that things had become less formal in Europe over the years. He also got talking to me about his wife - I think he wanted me to tell the young 'uns he was unavailable!! Another lecturer was just as informal, but one who was my age stuck to the formal form of address.

I think we sometimes venture into minefields with these matters.

I always think it is the way I am spoken to and not always what is said that matters. For me with 'love', 'sweetheart' etc..if it meant politely/kindly it's perfectly OK with me if it is used to undermine or, in the case of use of first name, part of a sales patter, I do not like it!
As a teacher in different schools children have sometimes called me by my first name and in other schools used my surname. What mattered was the mutual respect between us. I have had both my first and surname said in a rude and surly way to me and had some fabulous and positive relationships with youngsters who know me as Ms J as well as those who know me as E!

I just love it! It actually gives me a little warm glow to be called 'love', 'hun' or whatever. I would NOT like to be called 'dear' in hospital, though - in those circumstances I would feel it disrespectful.

I think that hits the nail on the head - if they know your name then use it and don't use "endearments" if they don't know your names then it's just being friendly.

I have absolutely no problem being called love, hun, ower kid or Uncle Tom Cobley.

I'll tell you this for nothing if I was lying trapped under a car or being pulled out of a fire I would'nt care what the firmen called me. If I was ill in hospital I would like to know they know my name or have empathy in doing their job they can call me what they like too. The last thing I would stress over is what I was being called.

Maybe this depends on your up-bringing. I was born in a little village in Somerset and all my friends and family are warm hearted folk and use my lover; cocker; darlin as a normal way of talking and it is the same wherever I have lived. Each area has it's own colloquialism, it is whether we like it or not part of the social history of our countries. I actually like it.

If I feel the "dear" etc is patronising, I respond by calling them "poppet". I think it is important though to recognise it when it is a regional thing. We went back to Yorkshire recently and I had forgotten how everyone says "love", including men to each other.

It depends on the situation. Generally I don't mind in shops or by delivery persons but I would object in a more formal setting such as a solicitor or a doctor. One thing I do hate people saying is 'Yes Dear' I always feel it means they are not really listening and/or they think what you are saying is not worth listening to.

Round here it`s mainly duck, sometimes darling, neither of which I mind.

Well, it makes me feel old. And I'm not!

Ooh yes, like madam!