Gransnet forums


Myabe a topic for mums net really! how do you deal if your in charge and GS/or GD doesn' want to go to his dads?

(7 Posts)
bikergran Sat 07-Jul-12 10:12:44

GS (age 5 almost 6) has started lately, not wanting to go to his dads! my DD is sometimes working and therefore I have to do the switchover (GS dad comes to pick GS up from DD house) he was adamant he wasn't going last Tues and started crying , but when dad arrived he went off ok (I didnt make fuss etc) GS has little sister to play with when he gets there but his dad is not what you call the "playfull type" tends to buy him DVD etc and thinks thats it... Daughter is hopefully starting to form a new relation ship and this "new person" playes games and interacts with GS so therefore GS is thrilled to bits,, hence doesn't want to be go to his dads,(we realise this is what my mum calls the "honeymood period" so everything is ok with the new man at this moment.) I am due to hand GS over to his dad at 2pm today but again GS is firmly fixed that he is NOT! going. I am taking him to feed the hens and to make sure the new man is out fo the way beforehand (in the nicest possible way of course) DD is will have gone to work, Just wondering has anybody else had this situ....there is no court oder or anything like that it is mutual agrement that GS goes to his dads Tuesdays and 1 night every weekend.... whilst I realise we have to think of the welfare of GS we also have to relsie that his dad wants to see him and is entitled to. (we are not questoning that) . Also with GS going to his dads it does give Daughter a bit of a breather which we all need at some time..hmm

Mishap Sat 07-Jul-12 10:32:39

Phew! - I do not know how people deal with this situation. Arrangements are made for little children that they may not like but they get shoved around anyway. We can all see why Dad wants to see him and know that having a relationship with him is healthy in the long run - but he needs to put some effort in and create a situation where GS enjoys going - I am not suggesting showering him with treats (a slippery slope!) but simply giving him attention and love.

Maybe that could be presented to his dad in a positive way - "Little * is bringing some books/toys with him today that he loves and he is looking forward to sharing them with you." Hint, hint!

I do wish you all luck with this - it is so difficult for you all. The problem is that children very speedily cotton on that they can manipulate this situation to their advantage - kicking up a fuss about going to Dad's will start to get a reaction.

j04 Sat 07-Jul-12 10:36:24

Well, wait and see if he goes off ok this time, like he did on tuesday. Perhaps try not to talk about it before hand. Just tackle it once dad arrives to pick him up. Then his dad can sort it out if he plays up. He probably won't though. You don't want to meet trouble halfway. smile

bikergran Sat 07-Jul-12 21:55:09

hmm dad decided he wasnt picking GS up at 2-00 pm as arranged! decided he would come for him at 4-30! (daughter siad he sounded like he was hungover...) I did offer to take him to his dads at 2-00 and dad of course was happy with that (so what it boiled down to is ! he couldnt be bothered to make the journey of approx 8/9 miles to pick his son up! so...told him not to bother and me and GS had a great day at Blackpool water park/ a walk on the beach/a paddle in the sea and tea on the way home smile

whenim64 Sat 07-Jul-12 22:05:19

It'll be a phase, but if he is seeing the new man and likes him, your DD and new man could both encourage him to see dad, and remind him of what he enjoys doing with his dad.

petallus Sun 08-Jul-12 13:26:30

Surely dad should be making a bit of an effort as well though!

whenim64 Sun 08-Jul-12 13:59:01

Absolutely Petallus. Having been in a similar position where ex-DIL was alienating her son from his dad, I know what a world of difference it made when she 'gave permission' for son to be able to say that he wanted to see his dad. Poor kid trying to please everyone! They all need to sing from the same hymn sheet. smile