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Cross wife

(77 Posts)
SJP Wed 11-Jul-12 21:34:55

Is it unreasonable after a day's work and a long commute home to expect my husband to at least to acknowledge I am home and engage in some conversation about the day rather than carrying on watching the news on TV or reading the paper! Tonight after a particularly full day I arrived home called "Hello" and was greeted with silence as he was watching the 6 p.m. clock news. So mad I went for a long walk to cool off! angry

Mishap Wed 11-Jul-12 21:49:06

Hope the walk cooled you off! I know how you feel - my OH "thinks" for 30 seconds or more before replying when I speak to him - conversation does not exactly flow along!! It's just a habit and I know he means nothing untoward by it.

Anagram Wed 11-Jul-12 22:10:56

If I enter the room when OH is watching the news, he has the immensely annoying habit of doing that up and down waving thing that means 'keep quiet'!
Yet he thinks nothing of striding into the room, already talking, when I'm trying to watch something. angry
Otherwise, he's not bad! wink

vampirequeen Wed 11-Jul-12 22:58:58

My ex could ignore me for days.

kittylester Thu 12-Jul-12 05:24:12

SJP it's not unreasonable at all. In fact, I think brew or wine is in order too!

Anagram are we married to the same person? grin

Bags Thu 12-Jul-12 06:25:27

Have you tried throwing his favourite mug at a wall?

Greatnan Thu 12-Jul-12 07:18:57

Leave 'em!

petallus Thu 12-Jul-12 08:36:05

I can identify with SJP. It's not really easy to cope with in my opinion. Can be soul shrivelling over a long period of time.

absentgrana Thu 12-Jul-12 08:46:25

I think it's the brain switch with which all married men are equipped. It flicks to ON the moment a wife opens her mouth – even just to day hello.

Bags Thu 12-Jul-12 08:46:37

It may be deliberate belligerence on the man's part, or it may be a certain lack of social skill, for which there may be reasons (think mild autism). In either case, there's no need to put up with it because it is, as petallus says, soul-shrivelling. If I start talking to DH and he carries on reading or something, I stop in mid-sentence and look at him until he looks up. He used to object to this but I told him I need to know if he is not only hearing me but actually listening and that if I get no eye contact response, then I think he is being rude. Some people have to have such things explained to them because they don't just know them by instinct.

Annobel Thu 12-Jul-12 08:58:30

I think one of my DSs has inherited this habit from my ex. Otherwise he is quite nice. wink

Ella46 Thu 12-Jul-12 08:59:02

I think women have unreasonable expectations of men!! We expect them to be as perfect as us! grin

Expect nothing and occasionally be pleasantly surprised wink

Ella46 Thu 12-Jul-12 09:00:16

Failing that.... LEAVE 'EM!

whenim64 Thu 12-Jul-12 09:24:43

I used to do the same Bags. My ex-husband had the annoying habit of glancing at the newspaper, then folding it up and passing it across to me without either speaking or looking at me - I think he expected me to take the paper off him. I just left him to it, and would not respond unless he turned round, looked at me and spoke to me. It's arrogant to assume your spouse is waiting on your every move. Grrrr! grin

nelliedeane Thu 12-Jul-12 09:26:50

I had one like that......and when he did speak he used to address his remarks to the space where I stood in the kitchen wether I was there or not,so he obviously wasn't seeing or hearing me....I left him ...and traded him in for a younger model grin

whenim64 Thu 12-Jul-12 09:36:32

That's the best way to treat 'em nellie. Carelessness by men who think we have been put on this earth to pander to them is slow death for a relationship. Their choice! grin

petallus Thu 12-Jul-12 10:02:53

Bags I recently started doing exactly what you describe, stopping in mid-sentence if DH is fiddling with his phone or reading when I'm talking to him. He often looks somewhere else during a conversation and I have started objecting to that also.

I feel better for making a stand. I should have done so before now; we've been married for 45 years!

AlisonMA Thu 12-Jul-12 10:07:37

Not quite the same but in the old days (1960s) when somehow it was reasonable for us both to work and come home at the same time but he would sit and read the paper and I would do all the housework (days long gone) I cured him. He used to nod his head and say yes without listening to what I said so one day I told him I had seen this really lovely coat and wanted to buy it, he said 'yes' so I did! It was much more expensive than anything I would normally have bought. After that he paid attention. Perhaps you could adapt this strategy?

Now he only ignores me if football is on TV and I understand his passion for that so keep away.

kittylester Thu 12-Jul-12 10:12:08

I'm not leaving mine just for that- the good far outweighs the bad and I 'm sure I'm not quite perfect either! grin

nanaej Thu 12-Jul-12 10:12:34

Oops! I am often the ignoring one. I can get so absorbed..and also he will still be there to talk to after the item I am listening to /reading is done!!

My DH has the annoying (to me) habit of reading 'interesting' bits form newspaper..that I have already read or m waiting to read for myself!!

I wish he was perfect like megrin

Maniac Thu 12-Jul-12 10:15:41

My ex used to come in after an exhausting day (teaching Adults) and go for a rest whilst I was preparing the evening meal after caring for home and 3 children.
I left him eventually!

whenim64 Thu 12-Jul-12 10:18:58

Maniac [smile[

Annika Thu 12-Jul-12 10:20:23

Getting ready to go I asked my DH what he thought of the shoes I was wearing, he looked up and said,
'yes they look great, are you ready to go now'
The problem with this is I was wearing one flat black shoe and one red one with a small heel, all I wanted him to say which one looked the best, but he hadn't even noticed they were odd shoes ! hmm

Butternut Thu 12-Jul-12 10:22:28

I can become absorbed too, nanaej - and loath being interrupted. I'm afraid J. gets the blank stare from me.
However, to balance, J. is wont to go on, what is known in the family, as 'mental walkabout' and simply isn't present for a while. I know when he comes back and know how to bring him back if what I have to say is important. Otherwise I just leave him to it.
It works for us. smile

Butternut Thu 12-Jul-12 10:24:14

...there are times however, when I jump from a great height screaming like a banshee !