sjp you haven't married my ex by any chance have you,I used to think it was me...the coldness extended to the bedroom and I became convinced it was me who was fat ugly with nothing to say and worthless...example we had had lunch out one day I suggested a "little nap" before the children came out of school,in all seriousness he replied "oh we have a nice lunch don't spoil it" was deadly serious for years couldn't understand why I felt down and depressed he was such a quiet mild man and I loud and noisy and fun loving people thought he was lovely,but they didn't see his cold streak we were married for 26 years he turned his back on me once too often....I walked....