to expect people to say Thank you?

cant eat eggs!
Except caviar!

jeni that's my girl - only the best is good enough!

Years ago a friend of mine took in her father-in-law following an operation on his heart. He'd been told he shouldn't live on his own for a while, but needed taking care of with cooking cleaning etc.[he was a widower of long standing]. My friend moved her children around so he could have his own room. She cooked,cleaned,washed and generally behaved over and beyond the call of daughter- in- law duty. He was, as she described him, a miserable old sod; and it looked as if he was going to stay longer then the three months suggested by his doctors. Did she ever get a thank you for anything? It came to a head when the family took him to see a remote cousin of theirs for a Sunday meal. After he'd eaten he pushed back his plate and declared that that was the best meal he'd eaten in months!!! He was back in his own home by the end of the week.

I don't like to visit empty handed and if we have been staying with family or friends. Send a text thanking them for a lovely time....please and thank you ingrained in me as a child,also ingrained in to my lot...manners not clothes maketh the man my mum was fond of quoting ..think it was of her mums sayings

I was brought up to say please and thank you, my mother was pleased that if anyone took me out I would be well behaved and not ask for anything I pride myself that not only was I brought up properly but I brought my girls up that way too.

When we go to England to stay with family or friends I always make a card to take which says thank you and buy a little gift, even a bunch of flowers. When we go to dinner, a party, drinks with friends/family I always write or phone to say thank you. My girls always send a note of thanks.

My grandchildren here in France are not good at English and we have to write it out for them to copy although sometimes they insist of writing French and we send a translation! Still it is the thought that counts.

If you've been brought up to say please and thank you it is difficult to avoid doing so, as it becomes so automatic. It's interesting that we have so many different ways of doing it, but we do seem to do it. GillieB, I think it is common in most of Scotland, at least, to thank a bus driver. When we come home by train we try to sit in the front carriage as it's quicker to get out of the station and then, if the driver is leaning out of the window, we thank him/her, and very often s/he smiles in a surprised fashion as if s/he doesn't often have a thank you, which seems a shame.

Duck eggs- bigger, yolks yellower, lovely flavour, lovely coloured shells. What more could you ask? Don't forget to cook them for a little longer.' Thankyous ' brighten up your day.

My Nana gave me a book when I was but a wee lassie. '*Mind your P's and Q's*' She waited whilst I opened it and then asked...'What do you say...?'

Where I live in Cheshire, everyone seems to thank the driver when they get off the bus, so it's not just Scotland.

Same in Sussex and Dorset. And sometimes there's even time for a little chat! Perhaps that's one of the bonuses of being old(er). We speak to anyone and everyone without feeling self-conscious.

But fellow passengers are another matter. Last year I reprimanded a big group of teenagers on a train because the boys' behaviour was utterly appalling and their language re. sex makes 50 Shades look positively tame. They were hurling rubbish round the carriage, abusing each other, abusing "old ladies" (like me) and terrifying other passengers. The guard, I hate to report, disappeared from our carriage the minute this group of hooligans appeared - yet it was only a five carriage train.

So in the end I stood up and asked them all which primary school they all attended. Snigger. Snigger. Then I suggested some might remember which kindergarten they were at. More sniggers. I asked them to quieten down and tried, again, to concentrate on my book. But of course it was impossible, as a missile landed on my head a few minutes later.

I stood up again and told them all that their parents would be utterly ashamed of them if they could see them now and continued to stand there glowering until things calmed down a bit.

When the train reached Brighton I stayed in my seat, surveying these infuriating delinquents. But then, to my amazement, three girls stopped and apologised profusely for the boys' behaviour. And then two boys who had been trying to avoid the taunts of their peers were also brave enough to say how sorry they were.

So good manners do still exist. And it's up to adults, of all ages, to uphold high standards - even if you have to endure the indignity of having a polystyrene cup hurled at you every now and then!

Jack If they get away with it when they are of primary age, when there is still a chance of controlling them, they will continue and get worse as they grow older and stronger until they are bullying youths.

If all the adults in the carriage, plus the guard, had made a stand at the beginning perhaps they might have learned that it was not acceptable. There is now a culture where no-one dares to speak up alone and face abuse or claims of harrassment from their doting parents, who probably don't believe that their child could possibly be involved. Even taking a photograph to help identify them would probably get you into trouble these days.

One good thing about school uniform was that it made it easier to identify the culprits and make a complaint to the headmaster.

unfortunately speaking to the head does not always get results. There is a piece of Common land near our Secondary School, the children are allowed to come and sit there during the lunch time. When they leave ,the ground is strewn with all kinds of litter. A request to the Head to ,perhaps ,remind them to take their rubbish with them was met with,''It is not my concern what they do when they are out of school'' ! Our old Headmaster would have been down on us like the proverbial ton of bricks.

little tradition our friends usually text and thank me if have cooked for them, it is nice way to show you appreciated it!!

Makes me little angry when we gave a cheque substantial for wedding present and can see has been cashed but no thank you!!

maybe it will come in time!

I do think that is necessary. My nephew ignored cheque I sent to his 3 little ones a few xmas ago and it was last one I sent I am afraid.
Good manners are important surely?

Just as my last whinge about my in-laws, our teenage Singaporean niece (BIL went home and she has stayed on with aunts for another 12 days) left the "pen thingy" from her Gameboy under my desk- found it on Sunday. If anybody had rung to say Thank you or even that they had got back safely, I would have told them but anyway I bundled it up and posted it first thing on Monday.
Have I heard from them/her? What do you think!

That really is rude, gracesmum!

Oh Hunt how times have changed. At school we were always told that if there was any complaint from the public about us and we were in school uniform there would be hell to pay.

How extremely ungrateful of them, gracesmum.

I am a big fan of good manners, which help to make the world a civilised place. I'm sure it was only my early training that prevented me from socking on the nose irritating people in the past - the sarcastic teacher, the horrible boss, the bitchy SIL and so on.

Good for you, Jack. I'm saddened by the way we as adults allow ourselves to be made miserable by the bad behaviour of others. However, there are times when even a mild remonstration has provoked a furious attack, so it's always going to be a judgement call.

At our local multiplex cinema, I was helping a friend down the very steep steps, when the press of people trying to rush out became quite scary. Without thinking, I used my teacher voice to call out 'I want everyone to stop pushing now!' and to my amazement, it worked!

Of course you are not being unreasonable to expect people to say thank you.
I would be very upset if my daughter had not taught my 10 month old granddaughter the 2 of the most important words in the language of every nation - please and thank you!

In a world where everything seems to have a cost, we all need to remember it costs nothing to be polite.

Just had a family get together in Anglesey (four generation spread, ten-bedroomed house). We thanked the people who did the work (booking the place, cooking the meals, clearing up, taking people on outings) as we went along. We shared the work so that no-one need feel put-upon. So, as regards my own extended family, my view now is that anyone who chooses to be upset because they don't get a thank you letter/email/phone call is doing just that: choosing to get upset. To which my response would be a shrug.

My own approach is to just tell everyone if something is too much for me and to ask for help. Having a sister and a sister-in-law who like being in charge also helps

If thank yous were not forthcoming at the time it would be a different matter of course. I sympathise with people in that position, but if I felt that people were ungrateful for something I had done – you can usually tell, even if they don't express it in words – I just wouldn't do it again. I don't do "being taken for granted". My self-respect is too robust for that.

Glad to hear you back s and s

with friends we see almost weekly it is a 'Thanks for a great evening' as we leave. If it is a special event , or people we are less close to, then I send one of the many postcards I buy at exhibitions (and then wonder what to to with) with a short note of thanks! Staying with relatives for a few nights would be some flowers or a gift on arrival! DGC send thank you letters after Xmas and b'days to those they have not seen to say thank you to. DD took pics of the children at DGD b'day and used them for her to write thanks for coming to my party letters on the computeer..only write it once & copy so less arduous!

Love holidays , so invigorating

It was a lovely holiday, nonu, not least because we saw relations we don't see very often

ej, sending thank you letters to people who come to one's party seems excessive to me, though I know there is a new trend to do this. Surely it's the people who were invited to the party and who came along who should do the thanking? That's my view, anyway — thank the provider.

I take your point, Bags and accept that I might have been oversensitive perhaps because if I hadn't set it up, my BIL would have made no effort to even contact DH on his annual visit to Europe and I sort of think siblings should especially after DH's poor health earlier in the year!!. I would also thank anybody who sent on something I had left behind as a matter ofcourse - not least to acknowledge safe arrival. MY DDs tease me because I always ask them to text when home safely after visiting us - and now they make me do it too - again, with motorway journeys or tubes and buses at night, it does help a Mum sleep more easily.Finally,after a family do I personally, would at least make a quick phone call/send an email/whatever to say Thank You because we all know how much work can be involved and it does make it all worthwhile as you stand in the kitchen clearing up well into the evening!

I think a 'thankyou' has to be freely given on the initiative of the person saying it, otherwise what is it worth?

A habit of automatically thanking this person and that is of limited value because it is just that, a habit of the well-brought up.

I never demand a thankyou, pleased if I get one, usually fairly indifferent if I don't. If I was upset I would stop doing things for the people concerned.