to expect people to say Thank you?

Oh dear, I thought this thread had died the death. Nevertheless, I still think that whatever the circumstances if someobody has put themselves out for you, a thank you is in order. You may think Please and Thank you have become so automatic that they are meaningless, but a world without them would be a brusquer and unfriendlier place.
I don't like to feel that I have "fished" for a thank you and I also have a nice family who can just be a little thoughtless at times.

No!
Whatever is the customary practice in your social/family circle is fine!
My goodness, we'll be giving thank you notes to the milkman next (if we're lucky enough to have one, that is.....)

Oh dear, I fear an enormous gap in my social education. Last week we went to my SiL's for lunch. I took flowers (florist not supermarket) and thanked her profusely with two kisses and a hug when we left. Should I have sent a note too?

Nice to be back, soop

I think that's my approach too, petallus.

gracesmum, I understand your feelings. I was just trying to suggest that a more relaxed attitude is less stressful. If the people who attend a get-together enjoy themselves, that's thanks enough for me, since that was the plan. Smiling faces are thanks in themselves.

That said, my sister fished for another thank you by text this morning. I gave her one because that's what she wanted, not because I, along with everybody else, hadn't thanked her already more than once. My sister-in-law, who chose to be in charge of four of the seven main meals, will not fish for more thank yous. Neither will my husband who took various parties out on trips and was always willing to be driver for those without transport. Both SiL and DH were happy to contribute their share of usefulness in the way that came most naturally to them, knowing that it was appreciated at the time.

I guess know I have a nice family

Bags Good to have you back.

I think a 'thankyou' has to be freely given on the initiative of the person saying it, otherwise what is it worth?

A habit of automatically thanking this person and that is of limited value because it is just that, a habit of the well-brought up.

I never demand a thankyou, pleased if I get one, usually fairly indifferent if I don't. If I was upset I would stop doing things for the people concerned.

I take your point, Bags and accept that I might have been oversensitive perhaps because if I hadn't set it up, my BIL would have made no effort to even contact DH on his annual visit to Europe and I sort of think siblings should especially after DH's poor health earlier in the year!!. I would also thank anybody who sent on something I had left behind as a matter ofcourse - not least to acknowledge safe arrival. MY DDs tease me because I always ask them to text when home safely after visiting us - and now they make me do it too - again, with motorway journeys or tubes and buses at night, it does help a Mum sleep more easily.Finally,after a family do I personally, would at least make a quick phone call/send an email/whatever to say Thank You because we all know how much work can be involved and it does make it all worthwhile as you stand in the kitchen clearing up well into the evening!

It was a lovely holiday, nonu, not least because we saw relations we don't see very often

ej, sending thank you letters to people who come to one's party seems excessive to me, though I know there is a new trend to do this. Surely it's the people who were invited to the party and who came along who should do the thanking? That's my view, anyway — thank the provider.

Love holidays , so invigorating

with friends we see almost weekly it is a 'Thanks for a great evening' as we leave. If it is a special event , or people we are less close to, then I send one of the many postcards I buy at exhibitions (and then wonder what to to with) with a short note of thanks! Staying with relatives for a few nights would be some flowers or a gift on arrival! DGC send thank you letters after Xmas and b'days to those they have not seen to say thank you to. DD took pics of the children at DGD b'day and used them for her to write thanks for coming to my party letters on the computeer..only write it once & copy so less arduous!

Glad to hear you back s and s

Just had a family get together in Anglesey (four generation spread, ten-bedroomed house). We thanked the people who did the work (booking the place, cooking the meals, clearing up, taking people on outings) as we went along. We shared the work so that no-one need feel put-upon. So, as regards my own extended family, my view now is that anyone who chooses to be upset because they don't get a thank you letter/email/phone call is doing just that: choosing to get upset. To which my response would be a shrug.

My own approach is to just tell everyone if something is too much for me and to ask for help. Having a sister and a sister-in-law who like being in charge also helps

If thank yous were not forthcoming at the time it would be a different matter of course. I sympathise with people in that position, but if I felt that people were ungrateful for something I had done – you can usually tell, even if they don't express it in words – I just wouldn't do it again. I don't do "being taken for granted". My self-respect is too robust for that.

Of course you are not being unreasonable to expect people to say thank you.
I would be very upset if my daughter had not taught my 10 month old granddaughter the 2 of the most important words in the language of every nation - please and thank you!

In a world where everything seems to have a cost, we all need to remember it costs nothing to be polite.

How extremely ungrateful of them, gracesmum.

I am a big fan of good manners, which help to make the world a civilised place. I'm sure it was only my early training that prevented me from socking on the nose irritating people in the past - the sarcastic teacher, the horrible boss, the bitchy SIL and so on.

Good for you, Jack. I'm saddened by the way we as adults allow ourselves to be made miserable by the bad behaviour of others. However, there are times when even a mild remonstration has provoked a furious attack, so it's always going to be a judgement call.

At our local multiplex cinema, I was helping a friend down the very steep steps, when the press of people trying to rush out became quite scary. Without thinking, I used my teacher voice to call out 'I want everyone to stop pushing now!' and to my amazement, it worked!

Oh Hunt how times have changed. At school we were always told that if there was any complaint from the public about us and we were in school uniform there would be hell to pay.

That really is rude, gracesmum!

Just as my last whinge about my in-laws, our teenage Singaporean niece (BIL went home and she has stayed on with aunts for another 12 days) left the "pen thingy" from her Gameboy under my desk- found it on Sunday. If anybody had rung to say Thank you or even that they had got back safely, I would have told them but anyway I bundled it up and posted it first thing on Monday.
Have I heard from them/her? What do you think!

little tradition our friends usually text and thank me if have cooked for them, it is nice way to show you appreciated it!!

Makes me little angry when we gave a cheque substantial for wedding present and can see has been cashed but no thank you!!

maybe it will come in time!

I do think that is necessary. My nephew ignored cheque I sent to his 3 little ones a few xmas ago and it was last one I sent I am afraid.
Good manners are important surely?

unfortunately speaking to the head does not always get results. There is a piece of Common land near our Secondary School, the children are allowed to come and sit there during the lunch time. When they leave ,the ground is strewn with all kinds of litter. A request to the Head to ,perhaps ,remind them to take their rubbish with them was met with,''It is not my concern what they do when they are out of school'' ! Our old Headmaster would have been down on us like the proverbial ton of bricks.

Jack If they get away with it when they are of primary age, when there is still a chance of controlling them, they will continue and get worse as they grow older and stronger until they are bullying youths.

If all the adults in the carriage, plus the guard, had made a stand at the beginning perhaps they might have learned that it was not acceptable. There is now a culture where no-one dares to speak up alone and face abuse or claims of harrassment from their doting parents, who probably don't believe that their child could possibly be involved. Even taking a photograph to help identify them would probably get you into trouble these days.

One good thing about school uniform was that it made it easier to identify the culprits and make a complaint to the headmaster.

Same in Sussex and Dorset. And sometimes there's even time for a little chat! Perhaps that's one of the bonuses of being old(er). We speak to anyone and everyone without feeling self-conscious.

But fellow passengers are another matter. Last year I reprimanded a big group of teenagers on a train because the boys' behaviour was utterly appalling and their language re. sex makes 50 Shades look positively tame. They were hurling rubbish round the carriage, abusing each other, abusing "old ladies" (like me) and terrifying other passengers. The guard, I hate to report, disappeared from our carriage the minute this group of hooligans appeared - yet it was only a five carriage train.

So in the end I stood up and asked them all which primary school they all attended. Snigger. Snigger. Then I suggested some might remember which kindergarten they were at. More sniggers. I asked them to quieten down and tried, again, to concentrate on my book. But of course it was impossible, as a missile landed on my head a few minutes later.

I stood up again and told them all that their parents would be utterly ashamed of them if they could see them now and continued to stand there glowering until things calmed down a bit.

When the train reached Brighton I stayed in my seat, surveying these infuriating delinquents. But then, to my amazement, three girls stopped and apologised profusely for the boys' behaviour. And then two boys who had been trying to avoid the taunts of their peers were also brave enough to say how sorry they were.

So good manners do still exist. And it's up to adults, of all ages, to uphold high standards - even if you have to endure the indignity of having a polystyrene cup hurled at you every now and then!

Where I live in Cheshire, everyone seems to thank the driver when they get off the bus, so it's not just Scotland.

My Nana gave me a book when I was but a wee lassie. '*Mind your P's and Q's*' She waited whilst I opened it and then asked...'What do you say...?'

Duck eggs- bigger, yolks yellower, lovely flavour, lovely coloured shells. What more could you ask? Don't forget to cook them for a little longer.' Thankyous ' brighten up your day.