I have just caught up with this thread and as many of you guessed there are several parallels with my own sad story. The description of BPD fits my daughter exactly. Along with my other daughter, who was professionally involved in drug/alcohol treatment programmes in the UK , I did a lot of research and came to the conclusion that addiction to prescription painkillers had probably just exacerbated a lifelong problem and caused paranoid delusions. Unfortunately, there seems to be little prospect of any treatment, especially as the sufferer is usually not willing to admit that they have any mental health issues. At least my grandchildren are all adults, but they have had to cope with some very difficult behaviour from their mother and had to miss their cousin's wedding because they were too afraid to defy her.
Although there was no practical advice anyone could give me, I did find it a great relief to be able to talk about my problem here and I was comforted by the sympathy and support I received.
I also considered speaking to my ex son-in-law but I decided that it would be the end of any possibility of getting through to my daughter. Her children are not in any physical danger, as she is not violent, just spending a lot of time ranting and raving about the 'abuses' she thinks she has received from myself and her sister. I am not sure what I could have done if the children had been much younger and in any danger.
Her oldest daughter has the support of her fiance and his parents which has given her the courage to confront her mother but she admits that had she still been living at home it would have been much more difficult. I spent a couple of hours this week chatting to the second son, who is 21, at the holiday home that my other daughter has rented whilst they are in the UK. Talk about the elephant in the room! We talked at length about the problem of unemployment in his area, and his sports, but we did not mention his mother. Still, he knows I love him and I am interested in his life so that just leaves the eldest son and youngest daughter. It was very weird to be a few hundred yards from the house where I spent 17 months helping them and to be unable to see her but I was fairly sure that I would not have been allowed in the house. She is still inventing 'crimes' I am supposed to have committed.
I am not even going to try to offer anything other than sympathy and understanding as I don't think it is possible to understand the situation completely without personal knowledge of all concerned.