Mollycoddled children

Youngatheart123 I so agree. Just look at all the television ads for "kill every germ" cleaning products, and "OMG" bacteria! Everything has bacteria on them our digestive systems are full of them. No wonder anti biotics are failing to work. Yes basic proper hand washing after using the toilet and being careful about food safety is important. But television advertisers are contstantly brain washing younger women with guilty messages which imply you are failing to care for your children properly by not using their products. Just watch these adverts carefull and look at the expression and tones of voices used by the actors. Its very insidious advertising and quite frightening.

I haven't had chance to read all the messages but I completely agree with you Maxgran, I had a similar conversation with my DS and DIL only a couple of weeks ago, and they were aghast that I should suggest they let my 9yr old GD play outside (within sight) and to let her walk to her Grandfather's house which is in the same road!!

She has recently had her birthday and was given a notepad (not the paper sort lol) which means she has access to the internet, I think this is far too young, on the one hand they say they are keeping her safe by not letting her go outside alone, but then letting the whole world into her bedroom when on the internet.....it seems completely back to front to me.....but what would I know?

My granddaugher, who's 5 now, has been a sickly child on and off. Nothing serious or diagnosable, just more colds than she should have, more bugs than she should have, that sort of thing. The solution was simple but tok my daughter a long time to see - she sterilised EVERYTHING! Abby wasn't allowed to 'catch germs' so her immune system was weak. Recently, and because as Abby gets older she's naturally exposed to more muck (!) she's a much healthier little girl. Many parents mollycoddle for all the right reasons - my daughter got her sterilising-overload advice from a mothering book!
PS my daughter is a wonderful mum!

My son and his wife are firm rather then strict with their very small girls. Food is always at the table, TV off, a reasonable amount has to be eaten before dessert. At weekends they will have at least one evening meal with all the family. [As I said the children are young at 10 months and 3, so bed is at 7pm.] The 3 year old eats so well when she is with as she puts it 'my family'. If they go out for lunch they are expected to behave, no running around being a bother to the staff and other customers.
We had a party at a local restaurant for a 90 year old lady. There were 6 children present from 7 years down to 9 months. All behaved beautifully, I was very proud of them.

You not seen the news tonight? Tim Yeo......

pardon?

Is that JO or Yeo?

Tell DS he has got to sort it out with her. You can't have your grandchildren being brought up to be unhealthy. That's not fair on them.

Is your DS a man or a mouse? They are his children too.

rosie when we stayed in France, albeit ten years ago, vegetables were served as a separate course.

We've just had a week away in a holiday house with all four of our DGC plus DS and DiL. My DD had to work so we took her two, in loco parentis.

They have been brought up to sit at table for their meals and not get down until the meal is finished - if they want to leave the table they can do so ask but then that is it - they don't come back for more. If they are hungry between meals they can have a piece of fruit and or water to drink. They have beautiful manners and eat a wide range of food at ages 10 and 7.

DiL has a different take with her two, aged 9 and 7. She is forever giving them snacks "to keep their energy levels up" so they are never really hungry for a meal and consequently complain they "don't want it", or they "don't like it". Snacks can be all sorts of things including crisps, biscuits, hot chocolate and marshmallows (yes - given an hour before the main meal). They are active girls but getting rather solid and it is not surprising!

I say nothing though, not wanting to cause any argument or upset but when they stay with me on their own, I am much stricter (?sensible?) and follow DD's system, which in fact was mine too when bringing up our two. DS did broach the subject slightly with me but said he and DiL were not on the same page on this , and other disciplinary matters so I said he had to sort it with her and I couldn't comment. It is a concern though I really don't see what I can do if I want to keep a harmonious relationship going - as I do.

We have just returned from France with the family and DGD (4) and found that hardly any restaurants we visited offered children's meals. We didn't want the usual fare that one gets over here - just smaller portions of whatever (rather unwilling to spend 15 euros or more on a plate of food that's way too big for her so half going to waste)

Two restaurants did. Both had a choice of pasta or steak hache and frites. The latter was very nice - clearly fresh meat not a processed burger in a bun that one might find here) but not a vegetable in sight. In fact DGD actually asked for fruit and veg so we ended up buying some for her in the local supermarket.

I was secretly delighted

That's a shame great as I've always admired the way French children are brought up. I was amazed when staying with French families how the children tucked into their vegetables. And how they were able to converse with adults.

I am sorry to say that some French restaurants are now offering children's meals - i.e. chicken nuggets and chips. Traditionally, once weaned French children eat the same food as adults, just smaller portions.
There seems to be a McDonalds
on the outskirts of every town (but they are useful for me because they have free toilets, and nobody challenges me when I use them. I would rather starve than eat their food.)
When I went to live with my daughter, I found that the children were making their own meals - each one different. I quickly established that we had one family meal,all at the same time, which saved a great deal of money and was much healthier. They did seem to like having a proper meal, instead of noodles, frozen pizza, microwave chips, etc.
They did not even have a dining table, so everybody sat with a meal on their knee - I soon put that right.

Adding again to this thread. There are some parents who seem to want to slow their child's maturity. I have neighbours who carry their two and a half year old everywhere, unless he is in a buggy. He's carried out of the front door and into the car. Carried around the side of the house until they get into the garden. Carried to the end of the road when going to their shop. It is quite rare to see him actually walk. He can walk and and run.[ You see celebs doing this with their enormous children on one hip with legs dragging down either side of the parent. Someone likened it to a sort of 'I have a child' trophy.] Children need to walk for simple exercise, but also to learn the rules of walking in the street. Another baby is due this week, going to be interesting to see how he reacts to this, he screams a lot anyway so ear plugs in.

Another thing I find strange is special meals for children at home. As soon as mine were weaned they shared our food, eating the vegetables mashed up at first and meat chopped up naturally. Now it seems most families cook two completely different meals.

My two had a great outdoor life when we lived in Norfolk - near the common and not far from the playing field. There were plenty of children their age around and we hadn't quite reached the video games era, so there was every incentive to go out to play. When we moved north there was a sports club round the corner where they played tennis, squash, cricket, hockey, snooker.... and discovered under-age drinking - as I learnt many years later.

I think things started to change in the late eighties/early nineties, perhaps? That's when it seemed to happen with my adult grandchildren and their friends, I think. My children seemed always to be outside, although my eldest was more of an 'insider'! My son was out from breakfast-time till evening - racing in for food only, and usually taking it away with him! They played in the fields and the woods, and I never really felt afraid for their safety. My grandchildren (the older 2 are in their 20's now) hardly ever went very far, preferring to be inside playing, though when they came to me they were greatly encouraged to get outside! When I think back to my own childhood, it was rarely raining, and all my summer dresses were faded! I seemed to be playing outside most of the time, often on my own as I was an only child...but never a lonely one!

I very much agree with most of what has been said and do agree that it is not easy to state your opinion on grand childrens' freedoms to their parents. I would like to say something to both my son's about their children but prefer to stay quiet and thus remain on good terms.
I'm worn to a frazzle as we near the end of the school holidays. I enjoy my my GC's company but am finding it more and more trying as I get older and they do too. In my opinion they are at a stage when they should be out and about with young people of their own age.
For all the freedom I had from a young age, I feel very fortunate. I was outdoors more than in and on the days that I wasn't playing with friends I would be messing about in the garden on my own - a happier childhood I can not imagine!! and Summer holidays consisted of maybe 1 or 2 weeks away and for the rest I was left to my own devices.

I think the volume of traffic is a major reason why parents are unwilling to let their children do things on their own. We tend to forget how few cars were on the road when we were young and played on bikes and roller skates in the street.

There has always been a risk of abduction but it has always been slight. After a girl from my junior school was abducted and murdered we were all a bit nervous for a week or two. Then life went back to normal – for us not her family, of course. However, all the children in the school did their best to show their sympathy to her little brother by playing with him, sharing sweets and so on.

As far as the children in my family are concerned, they all have jobs to do, such as emptying the dishwasher and helping the four-year-old get dressed, and if they don't do them, pocket money is docked. I taught the older girl how to iron – her mother doesn't do ironing, just saves it all for me. I also taught her how to make pastry. The eldest boy mows the lawns at home and his grandfather's lawns with an electric mower to earn extra pocket money.

My 3 girls all travelled to school, on their own but with a crowd of others too so none of them were ever alone. I dropped them at the station, they got on the train to Edinburgh, got on a bus, crossed a main road at the lights and walked to school. All done in reverse in the afternoon. The whole journey took about 35 minutes. DD1 started at 10; DD2 started at 8 and DD3 at 7. Occasionally there was a hiccup - delayed trains etc. but I was there to sort it out and pick them up; there were no mobile phones and it taught them to be independent from an early age. Other Mums used to deliver their little darlings right to the school gate and pick them up in the afternoon until they were 17 or 18 and were horrified that ours travelled on their own. My lot knew the rules and they stuck to them (so far as I know ). They all agree that it was good for them and I know they will let their own children be as free as is possible at the right time for them. I was an only child and far from molleycoddled; I am, in retrospect, amazed at the amount of freedom I was given as a child and it has done me no harm.

I had a similar experience maxgran with my sister.We used to walk over a mile home together from junior school.One day we decided to see if we could walk to Gran's house in the opposite direction.We dawdled in the park,played on the swings and eventually found her house. She was surprised but not angry and gave us peaches and evaporated milk for tea.She then walked us home and warned us to put a book in our knickers, in case we got smacked!We had no car or phone and Mum was very relieved to see us.No search party though, just 'Wait til your Dad gets home'.

When I was 11 I used to travel into Manchester with my friend. It was over half an hour on the bus. We also used to walk miles to the Cinema on a Saturday morning ( from the age of 10)
I used to be in charge of my younger brother who was a year younger. We had a few scrapes on these trips, one being my brother falling into a shallow boating lake. I took him home, wet through, and got a real ear bashing from my mother but she didn't stop us going again. She viewed it as an experience that we would have learned something from.

We were wary of strangers in those days and wouldn't hang around if an adult spoke to us,.. but these days, because children are around adults all the time with their parents, I think they would stop to chat to an adult who spoke to them if they were alone.

It is said that this generation of children are virtual prisoners in their own homes. I think there are two avenues of worry:- traffic, lot more then there was when we were childen and of course 'stranger danger'. There are no more strangers or paedos now then there was years ago. Just that they are more mobile. Like nanaej I too travelled from Darlington to London to visit my g/parents on my own at 11 years of age. There was a dining car in those days and Dad tipped the dining steward to keep an eye on me - I had a great time with a seat in the dining car being fed all sorts of titbits by various stewards. My brother and I were free to wander all over the place whether we lived in the country or city [we moved a lot]. Mum never walked us to school other then the first day. When I was 11 and a half we lived in Hong Kong. We lived on the mountain next to the Peak. A driver picked me up in the morning and took me to the Ferry - over the Ferry to catch the bus to my school [St.Georges] at the back of Kowloon. On the return journey my Dad picked me up at the Ferry. All this freedom meant that both my brother and I had confidence when travelling and if we got lost did not panic but found it an adventure.

Totally agree maxgran. Yes it hurts to be told you can't do something you want to do but it happens all the time in adult life....you have to know how to deal with it.

We've gone from a society that didn't have time for it's children to one that is now so child centred that it's damaging the very children it's supposed to be supporting. I don't know anyone who likes to be told 'no' but that's life. We can't have everything we want.

We need to find some sort of happy medium where children feel loved and cared for whilst no expecting instant gratification no matter what the cost.

maxgran - you are right and I have to admit to having been a mother who couldn't bear to see my children upset or disappointed, even when they deserved it. My chickens have come home to roost in a big way.