Gransnet forums


scheduled sleep overs

(12 Posts)
Lita Fri 14-Sep-12 17:57:43

My boyfriend & I moved in together June 29,2012. He wants his granddaughter to stay overnight once a week even during week. We both work. I feel that he's asking too much; that our relationship needs attention. He lived with his 25 yr. old daughter, her boyfriend and granddaughter (one week on/one week with her father). Others moved into a condo, we moved into 'new' house. Is it unreasonable to ask that his granddaughter stayover on regular basis? thanks.

Elegran Fri 14-Sep-12 18:07:27

Does your relationship need his exclusive attention seven days a week Lita ? When you were living apart it did not get it, but you both developed it enough to know that you wanted to be together.

Your boyfriend had become used to seeing his grand-daughter frequently and had become very fond of her. Can you not spare him to her once a week to keep that relationship alive and warm too, or do you feel that it is taking something away from you?

You are there with them too, and can become a part if it. Love expands to fill the people available to it.

ninathenana Fri 14-Sep-12 18:32:04

I think it depends partly on the age of the child. Is she old enough not to need constant attention??
Could you maybe compromise, say once a fortnight.

janeainsworth Fri 14-Sep-12 18:40:27

If you look at other threads on this forum, you will see that there are many grandparents who are denied contact with their grandchildren.
The stories are heart-breaking.
Once a week is not so very much.
Don't try to come between your boyfriend and his grandchild. If there are practical difficulties try and find a way around them.

tanith Fri 14-Sep-12 19:22:46

I don't think its an unreasonable request to have his granddaughter sleepover once a week, I'd see it as a good thing for everyone concerned. You live together surely you don't need constant attention for 7nights every week, you should be happy that the man you've chosen is kind and attentive to his family members as well as yourself . Its what grandparents do of course spend time with the children, join in and enjoy it too. You never know you might enjoy it.
Maybe in the future you'll both want to take the grandchild on a holiday.

Lita Fri 14-Sep-12 19:36:45

thank you for all your comments especially ninathenana. The granddaughter is only 6 so does need attention.

Lita Fri 14-Sep-12 19:37:48

I will add that my boyfriend teaches at the same school as his granddaughter so he sees her every day.

Greatnan Fri 14-Sep-12 19:52:36

It is probably a good idea to give the full story in your first post, so there are no misunderstandings.

Lita Fri 14-Sep-12 19:59:40

thanks this is new to me smile

glassortwo Fri 14-Sep-12 20:40:14

lita hello, smile your partner seeing his GD at school is not the same as having contact at home with her and at 6 they dont need that much attention not like a baby, they are quite independent especially girls. But it is good for them both to be able to continue to nurture what seems a very strong relationship. There is the rest of the week where you both can strengthen your relationship but please dont come between the two of them as there is nothing like a Grandad/Granddaughter bond.

crimson Fri 14-Sep-12 20:41:58

Can't help but feel this is possibly more complicated than it seems. I could [and am] probably wrong. Is having the child stay over for the sake of giving her parents some time together?

vampirequeen Sat 15-Sep-12 21:28:04

I don't see how you can say no to them without seeming mean and lacking understanding of his relationship with the little girl.

Do you join in with these weekend stay overs? We have two children aged 4 and 6 who live with their mother during the week and come to us at the weekend. At first I wasn't sure because I did my young children stuff 20+ years ago when I had my girls but actually it's lovely. When you spend time with young children you begin to see the magic in the world again. We bake, garden, go for walks and have midnight adventures. We search for the three bears in the woods, have leaf fights in autumn and I can't wait to make my first snow angel in winter.

We still have our own time .....the children go to bed around 7pm.