not to want my grandchild to stay for three days......

No shooting down grace it's a point well made and very true.

purplehat I have babysat for over a week, taken a four year old twice to visit her cousins via a plane ride for up to ten days. She was fine as she is an easy child who knows me well and was missing her cousin. They do get easier as they get older but to babysit a two year old for three nights and four days is a big ask. I think parents want too much, while they go off for a break they expect you to look after an anxious two year old, he won't just be anxious overnight, you have days to fill. Why don't they take him with them?

We are the Yes generation, yes I will look after your child while you take a much deserved four day break, yes I will offer free babysitting services while you pursue your dreams, yes I will endlessly sit at your house while you party on and it does goes on and on.

Faye - yes! Exactly.

yes i will store the accumulated junk of your childhood in my house fore 20 years.
I fairness... all i have is a load of waterford crystal in boxes and a few books, both of which date from emigration not childhood.
The waterford crystal I could use - but what would I do with waterford crystal...
But I know people who are still keeping toys etc, 20 years on.

gracesmum
Thank you for that wisdom, a brilliant post. I am feeling just as you describe, wanting to be a super gran. (1st GC now 4 days "late.") I must be aware of this. I would love some "hands on" but being 2 hrs away doesn't help!
I need to keep reminding myself this will be their baby but I am still very excited.
However at 64 with a creaky back I know I haven't the energy I did. My DD had to walk a lot at 2 when my back problems started as I found pushing her about was uncomfortable. The wear and tear is a lot worse 31 yrs on. Using a push chair on the hills where my DD lives would be a real problem.

Ana your final sentence sums it up perfectly.

I wonder why purplehat has not come back to this thread?

Maybe purplehat has her grandson with her and if my experience this weekend is anything to go by, the laptop stayed firmly locked away as did DH's iPad - and in any case I didn't have a moment!!
Seriously , they arrived at lateish lunchtime on Saturday, having slept in car on the way down so no chance of afternoon nap, but youngest DD and SIL were with us for a couple of hours, then DH and I walked them (baby in buggy) to the playground, Will played happily between the two wendy houses and on the slide then we walked home (Will's pace at 27 months suits DH with his 2 sticks!), tea (fish fingers and chips for Will - can be picky eater - also known as line of least resistance, cauli cheese for Toby who is a "champion" eater!) bath time, story time, bottle for Tobes and they went to bed at 7 like angels. Supergran had sussed it again! Or so I thought.
Fortunately I went to bed shortly after 9 as Will then woke up at 11.30, 1. 30 and 4.30 - at which point, on the basis that is you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I crawled into the other end of his bed and we dozed through to 6 at which point I could accept that it was "Morning time Gwanny" As long as I had DH as the extra pair of handss, e.g. reading to Will or playing with him so that I could get a shower during Toby's morning nap, I was fine and it went very well. After they were collected at 12, we all went off to lunch at a pub and from there they went home, I collected Grace from kennels and WENT BACK TO BED FOR 2 HOURS !! One day and one night was the perfect time - short enough to cope with equanimity but good quality playtime. I actually miss them today, but know that 1) I need my sleep, 2) DH has his limits, and this weekend was about right and 3) what made it ALL worthwhile was the plaintive cry of "I want gwampa" as Will was loaded into his parents' car!! That's is what it is all about! We need to be needed and love to be loved

Is it really only me who doesn't want to be supergran? Never wanted to be superwoman mum either. I forget which famous (eminently sensible) woman said it, but whoever it was I agreed with her then and still do: Other people can be superwoman, thanks!

Come on, own up, you others! (obviously no-one has to own up, but I honestly don't believe I'm the only gransnetter who accepts her limitations and her reduced energy levels as she ages, and whose kids wouldn't make unreasonable suggestions in the first place!)

Gracesmum Your post was spot on, we are the "Of course I can" generation.

A couple of hours with my dgd (11months), and I'm shattered. Also, being on my own, when I have to go to the loo, I have to take her with me! (I put her in the bath!)
Not ideal.

Wouldn't miss it for the world though!

It was Shirley Conran, Bags, in her book 'Superwoman' - the one where she said life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
Being Supergran was forced upon me by my daughter's illness and I did it as well as I could but I was very glad to high tail it back to France once her case was settled.
My older daughter felt that having brought up her own six children she had no desire to start again with grandchildren. Her DIL appears to have forgiven her for being able to leave them and emigrate to NZ. She talks to them on Skype and is very generous with gifts, but , like me, she has no need to be physically close to them - just as long as she knows they are well and happy.

No Bags you are not alone! I tell my children that I can't cope with things and they understand at once.
I have had to tell them details that illustrate that I'm not as young and active as I was though!

Bags, I thought I had more than owned up that I do not regard myself as supergran!!
That was meant to be ironic!
But I still stick to thinking we love to be needed and need to be loved (to paraphrase what I said before)

I've always found the going to the loo bit the most problematic; except when the eldest was @2 and he had a playpen. I used to ask him very politely if he would mind going in his playpen while granny went to the loo and he used to walk into it and close the door. I then used to thank him profusely and let him out. It worked a treat. When the youngest one was here last year I had a cardboard box in the bathroom that I used to put him in.

Part of the human condition, gracesmum, . Other animals too, c/f cows wailing when their calves are taken away, sheep ditto with lambs, monkeys and apes who are orphaned often growing up with personality problems, etc. There's a famous experiment that was done with monkeys or chimps (I forget which), that showed that the babies who got the most cuddles (mummy love) thrived the best, regardless of food intake, i.e. those that were fed and housed as well but deprived of cuddles, didn't do so well as the loved ones.

grace this all sounds so familiar, yet like ella I wouldn't miss it for the world.
as a minimum....
I have my grandsons every Sunday night, the 2-year old stays all Monday, and it's all systems go in the morning getting the 6-yearbold to school with all his paraphernalia. I have my granddaughters (15 months and nearly 3) on Tuesday plus the 2-year old grandson. Friday take older granddaughter to story telling session at lunch time, pick 6-year old up from school, feed him and take him to Apple Club.

My choice. Not super-anything. I have my reasons and I enjoy it.

GD2's childminder is on holiday next week and DIL asked if I would stand in, I volunteered Monday but no way was I giving up my trip to Edinburgh on Tuesday/Wednesday as I already have a room booked.

It does help if you genuinely have other commitments- the "Gosh I'd love to but......" sounds much more convoncing

Even convincing

I refused to do overnights with dgs1 until he was 3 and understood what was happening.I did the same when his younger brother was born but,although I look after them on a regular basis[twice a week]I dont really encourage overnights even now when they are 6 and 3.7.

One of my gs said he would like to stay with me when he was four. His parents brought him the 30 miles to my flat and went home. They had been gone for only a few minues when he started weeping and wailing uncontrollably. No mobile phones then, so I had to wait until they got home to ring them and they turned round and came back for him.. None of us wanted to make him so unhappy. He was a teenager next time he came.
He wasn't being stroppy - he was genuinely afraid of the separation from his mum for the first time.

I was seriously feeling that "empty nest" feeling when my daughter had her son so I am almost grateful to have him though he is exhausting.he was ten weeks the first time I had him overnight and have had him at least one night a week since. the only thing is I do not sleep well i keep getting up to check he is ok. but two nights is my absolute limit he is tiring and still only twelve months old .
my hubby takes himself to the spare room as he is still working .

Nanadogsbody - I feel tired just thinking about your schedule! I hope it is appreciated.

Thanks for all your interesting comments - and thanks especially to those who understood that the issue was that the parents would be a long way away and we had no back up for emergencies. It's not to do with not being able to cope for a few days. We have no concerns about coping, apart from knowing that we will be exhausted!! And if we did agree, we would definitely want a few dry runs of one night stopovers. But - we have no extended family anywhere near us, no friends with whom we could leave GS even for a very short while if we had to. As parents we all try to develop reciprocal local support networks - friends, relatives etc on whom we can call in an emergency. As grandparents that sort of network isn't always available - it isn't for us. My question was whether I was being unreasonable not to agree to the plan because of those concerns. If the parents had been only a short distance away, then no real problem - apart from two collapsed grandparents at the end!!

Love your comments, Specki4eyes :-))

I would actually have more back up here than at DD's house, in that I have lovely neighbours - most of them grannies themselves- aand if we had a repeat of DH's "blues and twos" in the wee small hours, I could call in a favour. I can also wheel the buggy round to a friend to "introduce" the little men to give me a change of scene and I am at least at home in my own kitchen. On the plus side of being in their house when DD and SIL were in New York, , we had the toys and stairgates and their own beds - but then again, at ours, "Granny's rules" apply. It is 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. I would suggest that you might investigate some back up near you - friends are usually delighted to have a visit from little people and even you are seriously worried that one of you might be taken ill other GPs(grandparents not doctors!)) are often only too happy to help out. Good luck! It would be a shame to miss out on the pleasure of CBeebies in bed at silly oclock!!