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To leave the room

(70 Posts)
tanith Tue 02-Oct-12 16:39:55

OH has recently started a 3 day week , his choice and I am enjoying having him around more so we can not only go out and about but share some of the chores which I took on when I retired , he was still working a long day and I was fine about doing the lions share.
One thing that is really getting on my nerves is that when he has nothing to occupy him he has the tv on and watches 'rubbish', which is ok if thats what he wants to do but our house is small we have kitchen and living room downstairs so if the tv is on I either come upstairs and use the computer or read in the garden , but now as the weather is turning I end up sat at the kitchen table reading or doing soduko, sewing , etc with the door shut so I can't hear the tv . Today OH said it would be nice if you came and sat with me and watch tv and I snapped at him saying I really had no inclination to watch either day time tv or old movies.. he looked really hurt and went and sat back down.. Now I do sit with him in the evenings to watch some tv but usually leave the room as soon as he puts the tv on during the day and I know he does like to snuggle up on the couch when we are watching something but I've never watched daytime tv and find it such a waste of time I'd rather go for a walk , OH is not a walker so I can't suggest he joins me.

Am I being nasty? Love to hear different views

QueenReignForever Tue 02-Oct-12 16:42:10

sounds a wee bit unreasonable but if like my DP he doesn nothing but sit on a laptop or in front of a movie all day long then I see your point.

tanith Tue 02-Oct-12 16:44:29

No QueenReignForever its not all day , only if he has nothing else to do or we are not going out.

Ana Tue 02-Oct-12 16:45:08

I never watch daytime tv either, but OH, being retired, tends to have the news or cricket on for most of the day - even when he's doing something in the garden! We do have two rooms downstairs apart from the kitchen though, so when I come home from work I can do my own thing.
The trouble is that OH and I don't usually want to watch the same tv programmes in the evening, either, so it's a bit like a flatshare with the kitchen as the occasional meeting-place! confused

JO4 Tue 02-Oct-12 16:52:27

I don't allow the tv on during the day. Not that DH would want to watch it then. Is there nowhere you could put a separate television for him, out of the living room? Get him a comfy chair.

In the evenings DH and I usually watch tv in different rooms. He hates my soaps and I hate his Quest.

Marelli Tue 02-Oct-12 16:57:05

No, you're not being nasty at all, tanith! Your OH will know that you're not all that keen on TV, and that to sit and watch it along with him during the day would bore you rigid, but he still wants you to do so, because it makes for a nice and cosy life. He'll have looked forward to this for such a long time! However, you do have a different view on what is an interesting way to spend your spare time - and this isn't it! My OH is watching TV just now - and I'm on here! I occasionally look up and see what's on, but unless it's something that really interests me, it just goes over my head! Keep up having your own space - even if it is in the kitchen! You'll likely get into the way of 'merging' as time goes on. My OH sometimes seems to get annoyed with me because I don't sit 'just looking' at TV with him, but I can't do that! I have to have something on the go - such as knitting, book or laptop etc. smile

Bags Tue 02-Oct-12 17:20:06

Suggestion: get him some headphones and arrange the TV so that he can watch it wearing headphones but you can still sit in the same room doing something else. We don't have a TV but DH often watches films on his laptop, wearing headphones if I don't want to watch it as well.

crimson Tue 02-Oct-12 17:20:15

The S.O. comes to my house on Friday evening and stays till Monday morning. As soon as he comes in on Friday the telly goes on in the living room and this has been irritating me for a long time now. I can't do things like listen to cd's or Radio6 until the weekend is over. I tend to stay upstairs where the computer is. It's difficult to broach the subject [even though it's my house!]. I can't really read either when the telly is on in the background.

Anne58 Tue 02-Oct-12 17:24:48

I personally cannot be doing with TV during the day. I'm a Radio 4 addict, but I can appreciate that may not be to everyones taste, but at least it only involves one of your senses, i.e. listening which means you can also do something productive whilst being entertained.

tanith Tue 02-Oct-12 17:31:11

Its not just me then thank goodness, Bags he does use earphones when watching old movies and utube on his laptop , I might suggest he uses them for the tv too but not sure of the reaction.. He tends to be playing a game on the laptop and watching tv at the same time he just likes it on in the background all the time, its just a habit he's had for many many years.

crimson I have the same problem of not wanting tv noise on in the background while reading.

Mishap Tue 02-Oct-12 17:32:20

Totally understand the problem!

I found I had to separate out the two annoyances: 1. Him wasting his valuable last years watching c**p; and 2. me not wanting to be subjected to it!

I have decided that 1. is his own business - I bite my tongue; but that 2. impinges on me.

We have headphones so that helps; and also have an agreement that if I want to sit in there he switches the c**p off (unless it is something he is really keen on, in which case I do a bunk). We are lucky to have a conservatory to which I repair as needed.

Elegran Tue 02-Oct-12 17:40:15

Crimson I think I would be asking why he wants to spend his weekends watching my TV in my house while ignoring me. He could stay home and do that!

tanith Tue 02-Oct-12 17:42:36

I did wonder whether I should invite him to join me at the kitchen table with either a book or some sewing grin

Anne58 Tue 02-Oct-12 17:51:02

I did recently meet an older couple who had both taken up very detailed cross stitch, and had actually become quite competitive over it!

Stansgran Tue 02-Oct-12 18:08:55

Tanith I have exactly the same problem-I do go and read lying on the bed in the evening when it's a programme I hate or 24 hr news or motor racing. I don't say anything but during the day he has learnt that I clatter very loudly if I am doing chores and he has turned the TV on for no good reason-I just wanted to see the weather/news -is a poor excuse in my opinion and if we are all going to live to our 90s I'm blowed if I am going to watch daytime tv unless it is reruns of Montalbano . I do ask what are we watching if the tv is turned on in the daytime and we are sitting together. Perhaps if he wants a cuddle on the sofa suggest you both move to a more comfortable place and tell him you've looked forward to lots more of a good time now he is retired. Might get him out gardening

baublesbanglesandb Tue 02-Oct-12 18:12:55

My parents used to spend their days in separate rooms as Dad liked to watch news & sport and Mum didn't. Their solution was to rearrange the furniture in one room so that Dad could watch, wearing earphones, and Mum could sit with her book without being distracted. It worked a treat.

Granny23 Tue 02-Oct-12 18:13:25

Obviously what he needs is a dog or cat trained to snuggle when he feels lonely NB It does not have to be a real, live one smile.

JessM Tue 02-Oct-12 18:16:12

I think you need to negotiate a compromise don't you. Such as no TV unless he is actually watching something. Or no TV between certain hours. He is adjusting to having more free time. And you are used to having the house to yourself more.

Greatnan Tue 02-Oct-12 18:33:06

I am surely not the only person who enjoys a lot of daytime TV - the antiques shows, the property shows, travelogues, history, 'Wanted Down Under', wild life, science, 1940's films........I often record them when I am going out walking. I get so much pleasure and information from TV. I am almost always watching or listening to Radio 4 when I am surfing or posting. Thank goodness there is nobody to tell me I am watching rubbish.
Is there some sort of intellectual cachet attached to not watching daytime TV?

crimson Tue 02-Oct-12 18:42:34

I wonder if it's a 'male' thing in that, at homework time I found that teenage boys tend to work with tv's and radios on in the background, whereas girls tend to sit in a quiet room. Of course, I'm only going by experience of my own children but my son had a tv in his room whereas my daughter never did. Greatnan; I find some tv programmes are like old friends. When I was first divorced I used to re watch recordings of Channel 4 racing, even though I'd actually thought that I would embrace being on my own when it happened.

tanith Tue 02-Oct-12 18:44:46

Maybe I don't look hard enough Greatnan but it always seems to be repeats sometimes years old or property programs, quiz programs and of course he loves the shopping channels, all of them! , I'm not a fan of old movies either, OH will watch the same movie time and time again , he must of watched Spartacus 100 times to my knowledge and any Norman Wisdom or old episodes of Minder etc etc not often something I'm interested in . I prefer to search out things on the net that I'm really interested in or watch the odd program on catch up tv.

Stansgran I like your thinking grin

JO4 Tue 02-Oct-12 18:45:27

Granny23 you any good at knitting? You could offer. grin

Grannyknot Tue 02-Oct-12 19:05:30

How weird. My DH also has taken to putting the TV on during the day and I have to stop myself from reminding him about his long standing rule of many years, of no daytime TV. hmm. In my house it's an amalgam of almost everything that other people have said: a 'flatshare' arrangement with me coming down from upstairs when I feel like it (and hassling him "what are WE watching next?" or I read or knit in the same room (I can zone the telly out) or sometimes he will come into the lounge to find me holed up on the couch, remote tucked out of sight and immersed in a movie of MY choice grin.

gracesmum Tue 02-Oct-12 19:09:44

You said you liked his 3 day week because you can go out and about more and share chores. So why aren't these happening? Adjusting to both being at home isn't easy - we do not all share our DH's interests (mine loves solitaire on the computer - yawn! I go on GN on my laptop - easy!!) So some negotiation is required. Plan a morning or afternoon activity you can both enjoy - garden centre? walk to the park? shopping? cup of coffee?? and accept that in the other part of the day you each do what you prefer. I do not think it is necessary to have "company" for watching TV unless you both want to do so. Or just say - this doesn't interest me - shall we see if there is something else? Or you watch this if you want - I'mm going out to see so-and so/book a cruise/spend some money/go on the razzle grin You need a strategy.

HildaW Tue 02-Oct-12 19:11:36

I sometimes put a bit of daytime tv on when I'm having a 'coffee-break' I would not dream of expecting OH to stop what hes doing and join me.