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advice please a.s.a.p :) who should walk daughter down isle if her dad not able to!??

(29 Posts)
bikergran Sat 20-Oct-12 14:20:20

got a bit of a predicment..daughter is getting married.
her dad (DH) is not able to to do and doesnt fele up to it so is quiet in agreement for his son to do it..(smart man and will stand up the the job) i have spoke to my mum DD gran whos seesm to think that DD grandad should do it (my dad) he could do the job ok.. but my DD would like DH son to do it (any advice please) needs to be sorted by tea time ..sad hate to offend my mum n da but she seems to have it in he head that we should stick to our side and not DH side... ?? thanks all I know ist down to DD at end of day but!

JessM Sat 20-Oct-12 14:25:21

Why not you biker - it often happens these days.

kittylester Sat 20-Oct-12 14:28:13

Agree Jess but, otherwise, DH's son, standing in for his father, if your daughter is happy that way - it's her day after all. What does the bridegroom think?

Ana Sat 20-Oct-12 14:32:18

DH is DD's dad, after all, so his son is really on 'your' side, surely? Of course it's up to the bride to make the final decision.

soop Sat 20-Oct-12 14:42:08

I agree that DH's son would be ideal. It is up to your daughter to make the final choice. I hope that you have a very happy day. flowers

Barrow Sat 20-Oct-12 14:49:57

Yes I agree with what others are saying, the son would be my choice in the same circumstances.

janeainsworth Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:10

biker I think it's a lovely gesture of family love and solidarity for your DH's son to walk your DD down the aisle.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. Don't worry about your mum and dad - it's not their right to stick their oar in like that. They may grumble - don't take any notice grin

MiceElf Sat 20-Oct-12 15:24:23

Why don't both of you do it? It's common in France and Italy.

gracesmum Sat 20-Oct-12 15:26:41

I think it is the bride's decision and if DH's son is agreeable that would make you, hid dad and the bride, happy. Hope it is a wonderful day.

BTW I was very worried DH would not be well enough to walk DD up the aisle in August as he had had 2 bad weeks before, but proud as punch that he made it. (short aisle, fortunatley!!)

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 15:45:27

A widowed friend gave her daughter away (isn't 'giving away' an archaic idea!), despite having two sons who would have done it if asked. Nobody saw this as unusual.

JessM Sat 20-Oct-12 16:26:40

Very sexist idea. Escort would be more polite and eliminate that line in the service.

crimson Sat 20-Oct-12 16:54:36

My daughter wouldn't have anyone walk her down the aisle. Said she wasn't anyone's to give away [don't know where she gets it from wink. But it is sad if the person you want to do it isn't able to.

bikergran Sat 20-Oct-12 17:13:12

ok thanks all I knew you would all ahve good advice smile was all supposed to be sorted by tea time but unfortunatley one person hasn't yet been able to make it..yes I would like to see DH son stand mum and dad were bad mouthing my furture son in law last week.,but then suddenly seem to think that my dad should stand in! think it hasn't helped as it has been a short relationship and now getting married (not for any perticular reason) but they are both 30 and old enough to know whats what.....ok thanks again all and thankyou for you well wishes ....its been difficult anouncing it to my parents and small family as we tar everyone with the same brush and still having trouble getting over DD last relationship! which has caused us lots of heartache over the last 7 yrs.... hopefully we can move on smile

margrete Mon 22-Oct-12 13:23:42

Anyone can do this. A widowed mum could do it. This happened when my younger daughter got married in 1993. Her Dad had died the previous year. I was told it was 'correct' for me to do it. Various males made the offer - her godfather, several friends - but she'd have none of it. 'It was my Dad's job, he isn't here, no one can take his place'. So the upshot was, she walked down the aisle alone. No one batted an eyelid. So, the answer is: anyone can do it, or no one.

HildaW Mon 22-Oct-12 14:56:22

There's a lot to be said for couples eloping!

Is this a church wedding? If not, in a civil ceremony the whole 'giving the bride away' is not really part of the ceremony, and can take any form. My daughter (having a very simple parents only wedding, simply walked into the room with her soon to be husband!

HildaW Mon 22-Oct-12 14:59:35

My other thought is that weddings seem to bring out allsorts of hidden agendas and that certain folks just like to have something to gripe about! So, when alls said and done its for the Bride and Groom to settle and then for everyone else to shut up, put a smile on their faces and wish the couple lots of joy.......hell! there's so much unpleasantness about, we need to wish any young couple joy and just let them get on with it.

Mamie Mon 22-Oct-12 15:09:59

My grandma gave my mum away at my parents church wedding in 1937!

whenim64 Mon 22-Oct-12 15:12:17

You can do what you like these days. I recently gave my brother away, his wife had two matrons of honour, her son walked her into the ceremony. They built the whole ceremony around who they wanted to participate then, or later at the reception. Let them decide and then everyone can applaud their choice and celebrate with them smile

angiebaby Mon 22-Oct-12 23:58:04

biker i had a big wedding buisness in the north some time ago,,,i have done hundreds of weddings. it is a nice ideah to walk your own daughter down the isle and give her away,,,,,in fact i was at a wedding yesterday where a bride had her twin boys of 17 walk her down the isle,,,it was lovely.. all the best.

nutmeg Mon 29-Oct-12 11:25:42

My husband had died before my younger daughter married and she chose me to accompany her ,and take her in to the ceremony. I was delighted to be asked. I also have a friend who was widowed before her younger daughter married and she walked her daughter down the aisle..I don't see why it has to be a male, it should be the closest person to the bride, preferably the person who has cared for her all her life.

Nonu Mon 29-Oct-12 11:30:13

Go with what feels right , especially your daughter , it is her big daysmile

jO5 Mon 29-Oct-12 11:37:28

Her grandad.

Greatnan Mon 29-Oct-12 12:20:08

I would have been happy to 'give away' my daughter but I think she wanted a traditional look so she chose her Father-in-law to be, and I looked after the five young bridesmaids so I sat in the choir stalls at the front.

felice Mon 29-Oct-12 14:06:35

My DD got married in April, her Father lives now in another country and is not much good at keeping in touch, when she had not heard from him about the Wedding she asked a dear friend who has been like a Father to her for 10 years to give her away. The EX then one week before the Wedding had a bit of a tantrum, saying he would not come to the Wedding if he could not walk her down the aisle. He then of course announced that he had no money to come over,,,, nothing new there. dear friend and I discussed it and decided to pay for his flight etc.
On the day of the Wedding dear friend went with her to the Commune for the civil service, signed the Marriage book then handed her over to her Father to walk her down the aisle in the Scottish Kirk here.
She made a point of our friend being in all the photos, and very much part of the Wedding party.
it was a happy compromise and made DDs' day extra special.

jules1 Mon 29-Oct-12 17:47:30

If she is close to her Grandpa I think that would be the end of the day the Bride should choose though.