My father was a very fair man - he showed the same complete lack of interest in all four of his children. He never attended a prize-giving or parents' night at my school and when my fiance asked for his permission for us to get married, as I was
18, his only reply was 'I don't care what you do but you are not living here'. He died when I was 18 and whilst I was sorry for my mother, who adored him for some reason, I could not pretend to feel any grief myself. He was a stranger.
My feelings towards my mother were completely different, but I have no regrets because I know I was a very good daughter, taking her on holiday every year until she was too demented, and ringing her every day even when I lived abroad. I never needed any financial or child care help from her - I just loved her.
I wonder if my estranged daughter will regret the way she has treated me if she should outlive me. Probably not, as her delusions are so strong that she believes she is completely in the right in spite of all the proof her daughter has given her that she is wrong. There is nothing I would not do to help her, but I have now accepted that every kind and loving act I have done throughout her life has been somehow twisted into something evil. Several of us know that not all bad mother-daughter relationships are the fault of the mother.