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To feel sorry for commuting toddlers!

(46 Posts)
janthea Wed 05-Dec-12 11:47:10

On my way to the station every morning around 7.15 I see a baby around 9mths being taken in the car by his father to, I'm sure, a nursery/childminder. On the train there are a number of babies and toddlers with parents, again, no doubt being taken to nurseries/childminders. They looked so sad and bewildered, suffering the crowds on the train. It's bad enough when you are are adult dealing with rushhour and croweded commuter trains. Imagine how the poor children feel. sad

Greatnan Wed 05-Dec-12 11:50:52

I expect the parents have no choice - with housing, fuel, food etc. costing so much not many families can live on one income.
What a blessing it must be to those who have grandparents able to care for the children or those who earn enough to pay for someone to care for the children in their own home.

janthea Wed 05-Dec-12 12:15:21

Doesn't stop me feeling so sorry for them. One little chap this morning was standing next to me in the aisle of the train. He kept looking up at me with big brown eyes as if to say 'what am I doing here?@

Greatnan Wed 05-Dec-12 12:22:20

janthea -- I didn't mean to imply that you should not be sorry for them! So would I be. I used to have to get my own daughters up early, when they were 2 and 4, to take them to day nursery whilst I was at college, but I put them in a pushchair as it was only about a mile from home. (Ex-husband was comfortable, going to work in the car!

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-12 12:53:23

janthea I agree. My DS who lives in America had to take his two children to daycare at 7.30 in the morning before going off to work - DDil was a teacher and had to be at the school at 7am each morning!
She decided in the summer to give up her job, a very difficult decision for them both I know, but they all seem happier as a result, although they are worse off financially.

GadaboutGran Wed 05-Dec-12 18:49:31

As much as I tried to keep an open mind, it grieved me to see my 10 month old grandson being rushed every morning to be driven to his nursery & to return again in the evening when parents were both tired. At least he has breakfast at nursery so misses having his food spooned down him at great speed. I've nothing against working mothers (I fought for it as long as it was family friendly) but I do think the first 2 or 3 years need to be without all the pressures of full-time working life & one parent needs to be flexible for the real needs of th echild to be met.

Mishap Wed 05-Dec-12 19:13:25

I share those concerns - poor little scraps.

I felt very sorry for my first GC who used to be dropped at a barren-looking nursery from the age of 8 months. It broke my heart. Poor little chap was ill over and over again as the children shared bugs.

A young friend of mine who works full time (at work at 8am and home at 6.30pm) is thinking about having another baby - she barely sees the ones she has got! Funny old world.

harrigran Wed 05-Dec-12 19:24:36

I don't think I could bear to have children and then give them to someone else to look after. I know it means making sacrifices to stay at home because I did it even though I had a good job to go back to. I have been to my GC's nursery and seen the babies sitting on the floor crying, it really pulls on the heartstrings.

granjura Wed 05-Dec-12 19:43:23

Our grand-son was at nursery from a very young age- but i really think he did not 'suffer' at all,, and loved it most of the time. And grand-daughter has been looked after by a nanny from a young age too - and has thrived on it.

Our daughter does have the choice- as they could have managed on one salary. But she thrives in her job, loves it, has worked so hard to become a partner in her firm- so why should she give it up? Why should she be made to feel guilty for it. She is a brilliant mum - and always ensures that the children are really well looked after and that they have plenty to time at the week-end together. Some women do not work for the money - but because they love their jobs and feel it would be a waste to not build up on their years of study and hard work. And they love their children too. She has my utmost admiration.

Ella46 Wed 05-Dec-12 19:44:06

Oh don't! It breaks my heart that my dgd has to be woken up and taken in the car for well over an hour to nursery.
She hasn't been well since she started there. Coughs and colds alongside a bowel problem, ear infection, teething and now Noro virus!
I wish I could manage to look after her but I can't, so sad.

Ella46 Wed 05-Dec-12 19:45:26

Sorry granjura crossed posts!

Ana Wed 05-Dec-12 20:04:13

I know how you feel, Ella. My twin GDs were at nursery from 7 months old - I could only have them one day a week because of work. Now they're at school but still have to stay at the after-school club until DD finishes work, which is sometimes as late as 6, and I do feel so sorry for them having such a long day, with hardly any time after they get home to do more than eat a quick tea and go to bed. But needs must and they're used to it - I'm probably worrying far to much!

Greatnan Wed 05-Dec-12 20:10:09

My children certainly didn't suffer from going to a day nursery. I had four years at home and I think I would have had a breakdown if I had not be able to start my degree when I did.
My daughter started nursing training when her girls were 2 and 3. There was a creche at the hospital where she trained and they loved it so much they used to want to go there at weekend. They have both grown up to be happy and well balanced. One is just finishing the second year of a nursing degree and one is in the second year of a degree in biomedical sciences. They are both engaged to fine young men. They have both told me they have been inspired by their mother's work ethic.
Not every woman wants the same things out of life, and I don't feel anybody should be made to feel guilty because they choose to work.

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-12 21:36:26

Greatnan I don't think the point of the OP was to make anyone feel guilty.
I also think children benefit from nursery education.
But I do wonder about the quality of life for the children and the parents, when the children have to leave home very early in the morning and don't get home till 6 or 7 in the evening, every day of the week.

Ana Wed 05-Dec-12 21:50:29

Yes, that's my concern too, janeainsworth. It's a way of life for my DD and her children, and has to be so for financial reasons, but it's not ideal by anyone's standards. Sometimes the girls look so tired.

merlotgran Wed 05-Dec-12 21:50:31

Do we have to stick rigidly to the point of the OP? A discussion about nursery education, parents working long hours and children not getting home until it's nearly bedtime is bound to involve the word guilt somewhere along the line.

Greatnan Wed 05-Dec-12 21:54:16

I agree, I was not referring to the OP. It would be good if employers could recognise that people can be both good employees and good parents, by making provision for job-sharing, and flexible working, but unfortunately in a time of high unemployment there is little incentive for them to do this.
One solution I have heard of is for two or three mothers to combine to pay the wages of a nanny in one of their homes. I know there are many legal aspects to this but they can be dealt with.
And, of course, we all know that a huge amount of child care is given freely by grandparents - unless they are themselves still involved in their own working lives.
I wonder how the increase in the average age of mothers when their first baby is born will affect child care. Could it be that grandmothers will be older and therefore possibly retired and more available? I certainly could not have offered child minding when I became a grandmother at 42.

Ella46 Wed 05-Dec-12 22:10:07

It certainly hasn't done my gs any harm. He was in the nursery from about 7 months I think, and he's a bright, socially adept, charming boy of nine now.

Personally, I was lucky to stay at home with my children, although we were very hard up for about 10 years.
Young people don't have the same priorities these days.

merlotgran Wed 05-Dec-12 22:11:47

Apart from DS's two children, and they live too far away for me to offer help, my DGCs are now all at secondary school. I'm relieved I no longer have to child mind in the holidays as I am now caring for DH and do all my mother's shopping, washing and cleaning. I'm glad I was able to do my bit when I was in my late fities and early sixties as I think I would now find looking after small children exhausting.

Ana Wed 05-Dec-12 22:29:06

But Ella, you're still worrying about your GD having to be taken to nursery every day, even though you know your GS had no problems...confused

merlotgran Wed 05-Dec-12 22:48:16

Priorities or options, Ella?

Ana Wed 05-Dec-12 23:06:02

Quite, merlot!

harrigran Wed 05-Dec-12 23:54:20

My youngest GD is happy at her childminder in the village instead of the early morning car ride to nursery, she gets to stay in bed a little longer and therefore not so grizzly. I feel sorry for eldest GD on the days she has to go to breakfast club and after school club, means schhool day is 8am to 6pm.

Greatnan Thu 06-Dec-12 00:39:33

harrigran, does she say she is unhappy with the situation?

harrigran Thu 06-Dec-12 00:47:46

No Greatnan she doesn't complain but she always looks tired, she hardly eats and is very thin so probably does not have a lot of energy.