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Simple manners

(35 Posts)
york46 Fri 14-Dec-12 22:41:23

Whatever happened to good manners? Today I was leaving a store with my grandson in the pushchair and stood back to allow a woman to come into the shop through the door. I went to take the door from her when she was inside but she just let the door go, thereby causing it to slam sideways on the pushchair before I could catch the door. She just sailed on oblivious to all. A very nice young man (a visitor to this country!) saw what happened and rushed over and helped me to pull the door away from the pushchair which was now jammed in the door to let us go through. She must have seen us, so why display such ignorance.

POGS Fri 14-Dec-12 23:52:29


I so agree with your sentiments. I do so dislike bad manners and I consider it to be a problem actually.

There just seems to be no boundary of common decency with so many people today. I also think it is very easy to forget there are many folk who have been brought up in a decent fashion but as with most things it is the bad happenings we remember and fail to notice the good.

Movedalot Sat 15-Dec-12 12:18:30

I would be cross about this but would have told her so. She needs to be made to think. DH had words with a guy on holiday who let a door go on a little boy.

Barrow Sat 15-Dec-12 13:50:19

I get annoyed at the people who, when you hold a door open for them, just sail through without acknowledging you - would a thank you kill them! I usually say something like "your welcome" but that usually goes straight over their heads!

I was in the supermarket this morning (where everyone was filling trolleys like there was going to be an invasion!) when a woman stood looking at the shelves with her trolley across the aisle so no-one could get by. I looked at the man waiting the other side of her and we both smiled and raised our eyes heavenward!

Consideration for other people is all down to good manners. I'm afraid many people these days are so consumed with their own lives they fail to look around at other people. I can't remember being as selfish when I was younger - maybe I was and didn't notice it and it is only now I have the time to stop and look around that I see it in others.

yogagran Sat 15-Dec-12 14:14:16

I wouldn't have been able to let this incident go without a sarcastic comment. People just don't seem to think sometimes

Lilygran Sat 15-Dec-12 14:38:37

Do you think people are ruder now than they used to be? I sometimes think they are but then again, I sometimes wonder if it's because I've reached the age of invisibility. But just after I've been left speechless by some outstanding example of rudeness, someone will offer to help me or hold a door open or otherwise be perfectly charming.

Barrow Sat 15-Dec-12 14:48:21

Yes but don't you find the people who are polite and charming tend to be older? i'm not saying all young people have no manners but a lot of them do seem to have had a good manners bypass

annodomini Sat 15-Dec-12 15:11:46

Not necessarily older, no. Help can come from young people too, both male and female. I am almost always offered help getting on and off trains and buses. Do I look specially helpless? I don't think so! I don't even have a walking stick! grin

HildaW Sat 15-Dec-12 15:13:59

It was a bit uncool 20-30 years ago to teach children manners. It was all that free expression, let them develop at their own pace stuff!. I ignored it and folks have always commented on how 'nice' my girls were. (they still are) Down to us to teach it by showing basic good manners in the home. If they dont see us saying thanks to our other halves, parents etc then how are they to learn?

Hunt Sat 15-Dec-12 15:58:12

I sometimes think we don't help ourselves by being a bit churlish. I have a friend who, when offered a seat in a crowded train, refuses to take it. That young man is unlikely to offer again as she has succeeded in making him embarassed. I always smile and say thank you thinking the while ''Blimey, do I look that old!''

Movedalot Sat 15-Dec-12 16:08:34

I agree with you Hilda, my 'boys' are frequently commended for their good manners. I think people have to be taught at home or at school or they just won't think about it. On the radio this week I heard about some sixth form boys who were having etiquette classes and they loved them. Shame it was necessary.

It also depends where you live. We are very fortunate to live in a place where people, both young and old, seem to have good manners even when they are driving. This morning walking back to my car every person I passed smiled and said either "hello" or "good morning". As my name implies I have lived in several places and they are not all like this!

Ana Sat 15-Dec-12 16:43:31

I don't remember actually teaching my daughter good manners, but she certainly has them! I do think personality comes into it as well as learning by example. Some youngsters are more eager to please, and naturally more considerate, than others.

Movedalot Sat 15-Dec-12 16:53:53

Perhaps Ana she just picked them up from the example of her parents? if you automatically said please and thank you she would accept that as the normal way to behave.

Ana Sat 15-Dec-12 17:16:00

Oh yes, I'm sure that was the case, Movedalot - I meant that I don't consciously remember instructing her in the art of good manners! I'm sure most children learn by example, and it's a pity that some don't seem to have been given the opportunity.

york46 Sat 15-Dec-12 17:16:57

Just a PS to my post - this woman was late middle-aged - certainly old enough to know better. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to remonstrate with her as I was just concerned to extracate my grandson in his pushchair from the heavy door as fast as possible. Thinking about this afterwards, I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't say anything!

Ana Sat 15-Dec-12 17:18:44

I find a loud "Thank you!" very satisfying in those circumstances, york.

yogagran Sat 15-Dec-12 17:29:13

I think Hunt has a good point, I was recently offered a seat on the tube. I was so surprised (thinking "surely I don't look that old!") that I thanked the young lady but said I was getting off in a couple of stops so was quite happy to stand. I should have accepted it - will next time

Movedalot Sat 15-Dec-12 17:53:49

I got on a crowded bus with a friend and 2 people offered her a seat which she declined. I turned to the younger one and said "I'll have it please, I'm 6 weeks younger than her".

maxgran Tue 18-Dec-12 12:02:57

Whenever I encounter those selfish people who block the aisles in Supermarkets I ALWAYS politely say something to them - Many of them were just not thinking and they do apologise but I have had a few who give me a scowl as they aggressively move their trolley out of the way so then I usually say 'There is no need to scowl - you are the one being a nuisance!'
(unless they look particularly scary!)

Anne58 Tue 18-Dec-12 12:17:54

When I hold the door for someone and they don't respond, I usually say "it's a hobby of mine, you know!" in quite a loud voice.

I also agree with a need for supermarket etiquette. The "leave your trolley in the middle of the aisle while you ponce about choosing you biscuits" is a common one, as also is the "stand in a group and have a conversation that stops me from reaching the cat food" technique. (This happened the other day, as I squeezed in to get my 6 tins of fish in jelly, I heard one party say to the others "but of course, they are not all spiritualists you know" , I mean what he hell was that all about?)

Actually the whole shopping experience that day was quite traumatic, I got trapped next to the hard cheese by a constant flow of trolley traffic and couldn't get out for ages, in the end I had to make what was probably an illegal manouver (sp?) and cut across opposite the milk.

Riverwalk Tue 18-Dec-12 12:26:27

Phoenix I hope the hard cheese was Manchego! grin

Anne58 Tue 18-Dec-12 12:29:01

No chance, various cheddar types and some Parmesan Reggiano, (well, it was Morrisons, after all)

Riverwalk Tue 18-Dec-12 12:35:17

Fair enough.

The problem with Manchego is that it's so gorgeous but so bloody expensive!

Do you not have Ocado deliveries in your 'hood? It would spare you the battle of the trolleys grin

Anne58 Tue 18-Dec-12 12:40:44

I can get deliveries from Waitrose, Asda and Tesco, which is quite good really when you consider that I live almost in the back of beyond, but sometimes need to be physically present in the store to make purchases!

jeni Tue 18-Dec-12 12:47:42

People who leave trollies in the aisle abandoned when I'm trying to manoeuvre around on my scooter are a pain in the a**e