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Best friend or not?

(18 Posts)
Ylil Sun 23-Dec-12 19:03:18

I thought I had a best friend but over this year she has not been there for me, even when I lost my sister. We are both on Facebook and she now refers to someone on there as 'my best friend'. So should I ditch her? She hasn't been in touch with me for months despite saying last time I rang her, I'll phone you soon.

cheelu Sun 23-Dec-12 19:06:55

I think it all depends on how long you have been friends and previous to last year was she a good friend to you--It sounds to me like something has changed between you both, if you do not know what that is you could just have a chat with her and ask a few questions.

Barrow Sun 23-Dec-12 20:46:55

I used to have a friend like that, for several years she was continually ringing me, emailing and texting. Then she met a different group of people and I was dropped. I emailed asking what the problem was but never received a reply. She didn't even contact me when my DH died.

I rarely think of her now except to think if she treats her new friends the same way she will probably find herself without any friends at all.

cheelu Sun 23-Dec-12 21:22:55

So true and very wise thinking Barrow....

vampirequeen Sun 23-Dec-12 22:13:19

I had a friend like that a few years ago. Some people just treat friends badly.

Marelli Mon 24-Dec-12 10:08:03

I've just picked up on this thread and am wondering if I've been a bit hard on a 'friend'. I'm putting her in inverted commas because I'm not that sure if she or I have been real friends to each other.
Her DH and mine worked together many years ago and we did socialise a bit in those days, but they didn't have the sort of money worries that we had, and it sort of tailed off. Eventually the friendship picked up and as by this time, we'd moved north, they used to come and stay with us for holidays. Her DH died about 5 years ago and for the succeeding years, she used to come on holiday by herself. Now, this is where some of you may think I'm really mean and horrid: she never, ever helped towards paying for anything while she stayed and this could be for as long as 2 weeks at a time, which left DH and I seriously out of pocket! When she phoned in the spring I knew she was hoping to visit again, so I slipped into the conversation that we no longer have a car - to which she replied, "How will I get from the airport then?" I suggested that she came up by train, and we would meet her at the little station here in the village.
Well, to cut this story short, I haven't heard from her again! DH thinks it's because she's realised that as we now have no car, we won't be driving around the countryside with her, and although we'd be able to use our bus passes for all over Scotland, hers won't work here, and she'd have to pay fares for every journey. I must add here, though, that she is very well-off, but rather careful in her spending!
Now I've started to wonder if she's ill - or worse., and my conscience is pricking me. Maybe that's why she's not been in touch (no Christmas card, either). I think I may bite the bullet and phone her. confused

Nonu Mon 24-Dec-12 10:17:25

Marelli , just do it , you will feel better afterwards !


Marelli Mon 24-Dec-12 11:02:37

I think I will......was going to do it straight away, but the postie came in for a cuppa....I'll do it now, Nonu.

Nonu Mon 24-Dec-12 11:17:08

Let know how you get .x

Nonu Mon 24-Dec-12 11:17:47

On . [tpyo]

crimson Mon 24-Dec-12 11:37:18

Marelli; you touched a raw nerve with me when you mentioned that, at one time your friend was a lot better off than you were, the reason being that one of my best friends is very well off and I'm not exactly struggling but have to be very careful with money. I find it a bit difficult to deal with. I hasten to add that the problem is all on my part and I'm just very oversensitive about it.Difficult to know what to think about your friend. Is she the sort of friend that you can not see for years and then feel as if you've only parted yesterday or would you feel awkward seeing her again? The former, to me are the proper friends. If she's one of the latter perhaps best to leave things as they are. It's not as if you haven't been a good friend to her in the past.

Marelli Mon 24-Dec-12 14:37:56

crimson, I think you're right. I've been going about like a blue-a....d fly (once the postie had left, full of tea and mince-pies). Had to nip along to the shops, then phoned my lurking friend - the Edinburgh meet up GNs have met her - and mentioned my post on this thread. Lurkio wink, is a friend who I could pick up with after many years away from each other, and it would have been like yesterday that we last met. She thought I shouldn't contact her - if there had been something wrong, her family would have let me know.
She and her husband never did see how we couldn't afford this and that in those days (70's). It was a pride thing on our part that we used to scrimp to go out for a meal with fact, now I remember, he offered DH a jacket of his and when DH tried it on - not really liking it - her DH said "A fiver ok?". My DH felt obliged to take it and pay the five pounds, or look as if he couldn't afford it. It is a pride thing, isn't it? Our real friends know and love us, warts and all.
You know something? I'm not going to bother about it any more! Thank you! smile

crimson Mon 24-Dec-12 14:49:18

Good for you. Besides, if she isn't contacting you then she's obviously not worrying about you is she?

Marelli Mon 24-Dec-12 14:54:23

I hadn't thought of that, crimson! grin

crimson Mon 24-Dec-12 14:57:25

It all sounds a bit Abigail's Party'ish smile...

granjura Mon 24-Dec-12 15:09:08

I am a bit concerned Ylil - as you seem to be int he wars on several fronts all at once - your OH, your sister and now your 'best' friend. Could it be you are feeling very low at the mo and it is making you hyper-sensitive. No offense meant. Hope things get better soon and that you'll find yourself in a more positive mind and able to get over those hurdles flowers

Ylil Mon 24-Dec-12 17:02:14

Granjura, I did post somewhere else that I'd read back and yes it did sound as if I was in a bad way. I'm not, I'm just trying to get rid of the bad as in the bad year I've had so I can move on in 2013 with a fresh start. I'm not a depressive type, quite the opposite, and have found getting my negative thoughts out and in the open has helped. It also has helped reading the responses I've had which help with the 'therapy' for want of another word.

I'm feeling better every day after my op, getting stronger which is a good sign. Hubby has been hugely different since the first few days, he's come good!

granjura Mon 24-Dec-12 19:17:42

Excellent news - onwards and forwards sunshine