Christmas - balancing act!!!

I imagine going to Disneyland is probably going to happen once and for the children will be another magical Christmas memory. DH and I hated but the children thought it was brilliant and lots of their friends have probably been, so go for it!

daisybel1 just tell your mum what's happening because there really are times when people just have to accept 'things are going to be different this year'. I wouldn't even beat around the bush, I'd just say, 'its happening because of x, y, and z, and on this occasion their needs outweigh yours'. It would take a real horror of a granny to not understand, and if she doesn't then all the more reason for saying, 'well I'm sorry but it's what's happening'.

As for granny going? Well I was in the Florida Disney with my brother and his wife for 2 weeks last year, it was magical by the way, so magical we are going again this year for 5 days after our Cruise, and I did see older people being taken around in wheelchairs but very few of them looked happy. I think they had perhaps been taken because no one wanted to leave them at home because of a situation similar to yours, or they had gone along thinking they would like it. Its a really tiring day when not in a wheel chair such is the level of excitement and plain daftness , a wheel chair wouldn't lessen how tiring it can be.

As it is you have a disabled son in law, a not very well daughter, a newish baby, and a squad of kids - I don't know how you'd add granny in to the mix and this comes from someone who regularly does Euro Disney with just one disabled person. And if its Florida you're going to, my goodness its huge and if I remember correctly the entire Euro Disney park fits into one of the Florida Disney Car Parks. It took us 2 solid weeks to do and see everything and it was the best fun I had ever had. It was Disney morning, noon, and night. I really only went along to spend time with my brother and his wife but all my reservations vanished the moment we drove up to the entrance and I loved it.

I hope you get this sorted. I do understand how it is to have to take a much loved older relatives needs into account, my very elderly sister in law lives with us but the reality is that unless the person has specific needs they really should be able to cope whilst others have a break, and not just when someone else in the family has a disability.

One last thing however - be warned that that Christmas time is probably the busiest time of the year to visit.

Here's to you all getting away on your holiday

Could never understand the appeal of Disneyland either jingl. It's just a big money making enterprise for over-indulged and over-fed children. Give the money to Children in Need instead and stay at home.

(Pulls duvet over head and pretends to be asleep)

School children get two weeks off school at Christmas. Why do you have to go actually for Christmas itself?

And anyway, Christmas is a family time. Why would anyone want to take children to a commercial, tacky, concern like Disneyland at such a special time of the year? Give the children some memories that will be worth having. Memories that involve a bit of family love and care for others.

I agree 100% with*rosesarered*. Present it as fait accomplis. If she has a tantrum, tough, you also have a life.

You should go with your daughter, but NOT take your Mother.You need to be able to focus on them after all, and also yourself.I would do as others suggest and present it as arranged fairly soon.

Good grief 81 is not old, your mother should be able to organise an alternative Christmas for herself. It is time to think about yourself and your DC and DGC and have a holiday to remember.

As soon as my children were old enough to have reasons to spend their Christmases elsewhere I let it be known that Christmas would be whenever we could get together, not just the 25th December (none of us is particularly religious). What with parents (now gone) and in-laws its always been complicated so we tend to have two or three celebrations over the Christmas/New Year period. Its true that you cant beat having small children in the house on Christmas morning but I'd far rather have happy relaxed visits that everyone is happy to arrange than insisting everyone puts in an appearance on a certain day at a certain time.
I think as long as you make arrangements to treat your Mum to something else either side of the holiday you have done your bit.

I can't see there is any option but to go! I would be quite firm about not taking your Mum too! I'm sure your daughter will really appreciate the help you can give her but that would all be diluted if you took your Mum along too.

If she has friends who will invite her, try to have a word with them before you tackle your Mum.

Lots of us on here have Mums (!!) who practice emotional blackmail and you will get lots of support - I have [nuff said!!]

I thought that too Nellie and we haven't even had the fair yet

daisybel1 Just go go for it! Work something out, even if you have to play the emotional blackmail game. When I first read the thread title I thought OMG who's on about Christmas this soon but I can see why now.

Oh I understand exactly how you must feel daisybel1.

Almost my last 10 years have revolved around problems with my parents ill health and my grandma. It has got so bad that I dread thinking about time away or holidays as I worry myself sick wondering who will look after them/do the shopping/visit/hospital appointments etc. My DH is very understanding although he does get extremely frustrated as I do have a younger sister and 2 much younger cousins who could/should help out but don't.

Having said all of this I would urge you to think about yourself and go. Do whatever you have to do. Tell white lies, arrange 3rd party help (carers) or whatever but please go. I can't tell you how often I regret the things I did not do and will never get the chance to do again.

I agree that the sooner you get it out in the open the better.

Tell her the situation; organise to skype and phone her and send loads of pics of the GC; then make a big deal of New Year. You MUST go!!!

Could you take her, and then just take her on very little trips round Disneyworld? Then make her comfortable back at the hotel with the television on and some nice things to eat.

I would think Disneyworld would have some wheelchairs available.

Can you postpone her Christmas visit to New Year?

Make much of how much help you will be able to give to your daughter and her family on their trip to Disneyland, and how much you will then look forward to being back in your own home and seeing her the following week for a delayed Christmas celebration.

Have all the arrangements clear so that it is set out before her as a fait accompli for her to agree with, rather than a vague suggestion that she can get up in arms about and make you change. Your daughter has as much of a call on you as your mother.

Why not be upfront with her and lay this problem at her door?

I know she's adept at emotional blackmail but you can be ready for that if you know her well. She might surprise you and if she doesn't ... Well you're no worse off and at least you've broached the subject.