Why do I have such a DIL?

I obviously misunderstood what was to be said on here and not. I have not written about what I have been asked not to. It is your forums and I must of done something very wrong. I am not from the UK and here in the US, a forum is somewhere you go and talk to people. They understand, not always agreeing with you, but do the best they can.
It is sort of an airy of your troubles. And knowing someone else is going through something similar. That you are not the only one going through such things.
Why did I pick this forum, I did not realize that it was in the UK, until lately. And, when I was reading some of the threads, everyone seemed to really care, not be judgmental and harsh. Let the person try and explain.
It was obviously my fault and it will not happen again.

Although it wasn't actually you that the bit about reporting was aimed at, msmac, but those who had expressed doubts about the seriousness of your posts on the thread.

Oh right! I thought you meant you had had a private e-mail. JulieGN was trying to help. As we all were.

Oops, my mistake - crossed posts and obviously crossed wires!

As msmac says she thinks someone reported her, it seems more likely that she had an email from GNHQ. Which of course you ignore at your peril!

There, now you all know. Is this official enough?

JulieGransnet (GNHQ) Sat 13-Sep-14 20:37:54

Hi all.

Many thanks to those who have been in touch. We'd prefer it if you report anything that you're worried about rather then say it on the thread. It can often be upsetting for people who post asking for help if others assume their problem isn't genuine.

msmac. We're so sorry to read about the problems that your grandson is having. We do urge you to speak to the NSPCC, www.nspcc.org.uk, they have a phone line which is 0808 800 5000 and it's open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you think that he's in immediate danger, you need to call 999. If you're not in the UK, you need to call your emergency police number.

We hope that you manage to find a way to help him.

GNHQ.

Well if it was only another member they are of course entitled to their opinion, as is anybody but there is nothing "official" (as far as I know) about any of us, so whether you heed their "advice/request" is entirely up to you. A PM telling one of us to stop writing about a topic would be like a red rag to a bull to me - and quite a few others I imagine!!

Oh my gosh!

Take no notice then.

(Sorry HQ)

No, the post was from someone on here. And thanks again for everything to everyone.

the "wishing me well" sounds familiar.

msmac, I guess that is all we can do, for you and^ yourgrandson - wish you well. Please keep trying to help him.

Sorry - another case of crossed posts.

Still don't read it that way Ana I took "post" to mean letter i.e. from a Child Protection agency or S S in the US. I have never been aware of any censorship of that sort from GNHQ.

Oh, I forgot. I am not giving up. As I stated, I have contacted his teacher, dentist, doctor so that they may watch out for any unusual/abusive situations. Therefor, an actual documented incident can be given to the stubborn CYS people. I am still trying, but I am getting no where, yet.

I will try and answer a few questions, then I am finished with the problem (teeth) on here due to the fact I had a message asking me to stop talking about it. I am going to respect that and no longer talk about the teeth etc. I do not feel it is necessary to say who sent it. It would not change the fact that it was sent.
I asked when I went to the CYS (child and youth services), at first I called and then I went to the office, that if I wrote a letter, if anything would help. They still contend it is hear say, I have no direct knowledge of it happening. It was told to me by my grandson and son. My son said it didn't matter to him, he felt his child had not been hurt (yes, there was a discussion between him, my husband and myself) but to no avail. My son said he stood there while my dil held the child and you know the rest. he is not going to inform on himself for not helping the child. My son takes her side in all and will not see anything different. My husband and I have tried to talk to both of them, him alone, but the has changed and is not the son we used to know.
He was a friendly, helpful person, not anymore. He seems to hate the world. He has not let anyone from his side of the marriage ever meet his children and my gs will be 6 next month. We have a large family and the gc have a great grandmother that they have never met. Only her side counts. He doesn't initiate talking to us. I guess he hasn't figured out communication is a two way street. He didn't even let us know when the new baby was being born, we found out through a friend. She is 1 1/2 months old now. The reason I don't talk about him is that he is pretty much, not in the picture, he defends everything she says or does. He has no ideas of his own. When we ask him a question, he tells us to talk to her. You can't get through to him. And he is our only child. So, we have lost our son and gs. Maybe, it will be easier for you to understand how hard it is. Both my husband and I are miserable, but both coping.
I truly appreciate the nice words and thoughts people have given me. Thank you for reaching out.

Right at the end of msmac's last post, Soutra...

That wouldn't have occurred to me do you reckon?

Soutra it sounds as though msmac has had an email from GNHQ asking her not to talk about it. [shrug]

I have wondered why you have focused on your DIL in your thread title and only seem to blame her for the situation. Your son must share the responsibility for how his children are treated and especially with reference to the physical abuse you have cited. I am also wondering why you do not want to say more about your grand son's treatment at the hands of his other grandfather. To give up or accept this behaviour must break your heart and your husband's so why are you giving up ?

msmac I assume that all the reports that have been made were verbal rather than written. Would it help - and would you be willing - to write a letter to the various agencies - police, child protection, etc. - detailing what your gs has told you and asking that the matter be investigated?

What do other Gransnetters think? Details of a phone call can be ignored or "lost" but if a person sends a letter by recorded delivery (I assume there is something similar in the US) and keeps a copy of the letter/letters and evidence that it had been sent, the authorities will know that there is a record that msmac had passed her concerns to them - and I suspect they will want to demonstrate that they have investigated the matter properly.

I do hope you can get some help and action on this. Are there any US charities that could assist with support and legal advice?

Who was the post from, asking you not to talk about it?

Thank you very much.

Mrsmac...my heart aches for you.
I wish you some sort of peace.

I totally agree. I have called and talked to different people. Not one person will agree to go and at least check the home. I don't know what to say, I am so thankful that you are giving me information, but without the co-operation from the correct people, what can I do?
I originally wrote on here because my dil won't let my hubby and I see the gc/only saw the new baby once-for 5 minutes. yes, we went to hospital after someone else told us about the birth, her family was there and we were not well received.
She uses the our five year old gs as a pawn, now you can see him, now you can't. I am coping as best as I can.
As for the other subject, I do not want o continue with it, as I can not get any help here, no matter what the law says, someone tells you is the correct way...they just won't do anything. I have set other plans in motion, I am not just lying down and forgetting it. Also, last time I posted, someone, I think reported me-I got a official looking post stating not to talk about it and wishing me well.
So, I guess I won't do that.

msmac your point about the authorities not approaching the child without proof, as they would be violating the parents' rights has been conveyed to you in an uninformed way. Yes, police who wrongfully arrest are personally liable - it is the same in both UK and USA. However, fair reason to investigate is not wrongful. (I've just checked with a child protection officer who trains professionals who work in child protection across many states and in the UK.

Here is the relevant passage from your national guidelines for child protection officers in the USA:

'In some jurisdictions law enforcement may be called upon by child protective services to investigate allegations of child abuse, to officially place a child in emergency protective custody, or to assist with such placement. Officers in such situations need to know the laws in their State. Failure to understand their legally mandated roles and responsibilities could result in:
✹ A child being left in a dangerous situation.
✹ A child being removed illegally.
✹ The officer and the department being placed in a situation of civil liability.
However, if a mistake is to be made, it is better to err in the attempt to safeguard the physical well-being of the child.'

To reiterate, it is not wrongful to investigate an allegation of child abuse, and the physical well-being of the child is paramount. Exactly the same in both countries. It is wrongful to fail to protect a child by ignoring complaints to the authorities.

A lot of agencies have "record" of me calling and reporting, but are unable to act at this time, so they say. So, I wait and try to get more.
Thanks for answering.