self-pity. I can't seem to stop!

katyK

jingle; I don't want to be no1; just want to be equal, and that's why it hurts so much .

Being. Not going. (iPad did that)

No you're not going childish. Perhaps a bit flaky.

I would keep on inviting them to yours. And I would complain if they don't come. Pussy-footing around never did any good to anyone.

katy--I understand, I think, what you are saying. I feel that we have behaved "well"--I never say anything negative about her or her family, we support ds and dil with money and practical help---but she behaves "badly" and gets taken out on treats!!
Like I said--I am feeling REALLY childish!

I don't blame you for feeling jealous. I would be too. I used to hate the thought of the other gran seeing more of my two than I did. It's only natural. We all want to be number one.

I would push to see more of your GS. Don't let her elbow you out. And I wouldn't worry about her depression or self harm. She's not your responsibility.

Can't offer any advice about the work and finances thing. Sorry.

The menopause can make you feel a bit odd. It did me.

I am glad things are going well for your other two. Perhaps your DD will have a baby soon. That will make you feel better.

Might be an idea to see your Gp about your menopause problems and also tell him/her of the worries you have with your DH losing his job. As for your DIL's family seeing more of your grandchild than you do, join the club. I was in tears over that this weekend as well. Make sure that your DH is getting everything he is entitled to with his redundancy package; take it to a tribunal if you have to and also find out what things you may qualify for in the future if he doesn't find another job [Citizens Advice might help with that]. You're not self pitying; you've got problems that you need help with; some greater than others, but it's often the smaller problems that tip you over the edge.

Jane--thanks for that! I have not been called young for a long time and it has made me smile! Glad your oh has made his own job. We have to do a lot of looking and changing in the next few months and I am not looking forward to it.
Having to sell this house and move makes me feel as tho we have failed.

ohdear - Sorry you are going through this. I think you will get some sound advice from the lovely people on here. I also think perhaps a lot of people feel as you do and are having all sorts of problems. My daughter's mither-in-law and her family stopped speaking to us after my DD's wedding day. She said they were left out of the arrangements (they weren't). She said some terrible things to my daughter about her and us. Her family ruined my only child's wedding day but now my DD is quite close to her and involves her in her life more than she does me. I have been quite shocked by this. I too get very jealous of my DD's relationships with her mother-in-law and also her friend's mum who she is also very friendly with. I am sometimes self-pitying as I too have had a lot of problems. Today for instance I have visited my hair replacement centre as I do every 6 weeks (I lost all my hair a few years ago). They take the system off and to condition it etc and I was sitting there this morning with a bald head, feeling SO sorry for myself until they came and put me back together again. I don't think you sound childish. Sometimes we can take so much before we crack. You have listed some very positive things in your post as well as the things that are making you unhappy. I can't really offer any solutions but I hope things improve for you. I know there will be lots of people on here who will have advice

jinglebelles--- I see her because every time we go to see ds and dil she is there. We never go if we are not invited and sometimes she is invited as well and sometimes she just turns up.
A couple of times we have invited ds and dil here and they have cancelled because she is "unwell". I am not very sure what that means.

No dh. She does have a younger son who will be leaving school next year. She is quite a bit younger than us--she is 43 and works part time.

So sorry you're feeling like this. What an onslaught of troubles for you but it's really good that you're also aware of the wonderful positives too. That's wonderful about your daughter. There's an old phrase that always helped me 'this too shall pass'. I truly hope it does for you. You're young, I bet in a few years you'll look back at this time and wonder why you were so worried. You'll find a job and so will your DH even if you have to make one. My DH has never looked back since setting up his own business. He was made redundant so many times in the bad old years. Good luck!

Why do you need to see anything of her? I would avoid her.

Has the other gran not got a DH to take her shopping? Is she on her own?