It is so infinitely sad that a woman can hold a tiny baby and love it with all her heart, and then grow spiteful and vindictive towards the same baby when it grows up. I find it so hard to understand, and I feel so very sorry for all of you who've had this sort of relationship with your mothers. It bewilders me, such a waste of what should be real love between two human beings.
I had a close relationship with my mother. Oh she could be difficult, but was never directly negative or critical of me. Quite the opposite - she was always full of praise for my smallest achievements. She did have a nasty habit of trying to play my siblings and me off against each other - and even did this with her grandchildren too - but we were wise to her and we would report to each other what she'd said so she didn't get away with it!
My MiL was such a gentle soul, went out of her way not to offend or upset. She used to tell me I was the daughter she never had. (She did, in fact, have a daughter, who died of pneumonia at two and a half ). She was lovely and I often feel sad that maybe I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have done.