Sounds hard, Aggy
You say: 'not saying hello or goodbye' - you can deal with that, by directly saying 'hello, lovely to see you, how was the journey?' or something like a direct question which she has to answer, somehow, so the lack of 'hello' is less obvious. As for 'goodbye', then actually saying 'oh, are you going, sorry, I haven't said goodbye properly'.
The lack of eye contact and lack of communication is probably something you will just have to put up with. The children's concerts etc - ask your son.
I don't think not having photos of you round the house is anything to worry about - you certainly can't change that!
'Not thanking us for presents' - not acceptable, and needs to be challenged, I think, politely, with you saying something about needing to know she received it, or did she like it.
Lack of concern over your health is again nothing you can do about, I don't think.
It sounds like you are doing what you can, on the whole. She might change and thaw out a little - hope so.