Hi Katek I have lost many close family members over the last several years, including my husband and both my parents. My husband's death was particularly sudden and traumatic. These loved ones were hugely important in my life. However, the actual anniversaries of their deaths may pass by unmarked because I think about and talk about the people I've lost quite a lot so I don't feel guilty if some days go by without consciously remembering them. Perhaps it's time for the memory of the tragic nature of your mother's death to recede to some extent (of course you will never forget) and for you to remember good things about her life. I often say to my children, "Your dad would've liked this, said that, done something...in these circumstances." or, "My dad always used to say..." or "Your Nanna would've had a good laugh at this..." In this way, the people we've lost are still with us because we remember the good things, fun, laughter, advice etc they contributed to our lives. Perhaps I'm particularly resilient in this way but maybe you could give yourself a break and plan something happy to do on the next anniversary of your mother's death. Maybe you could do something she liked to do but try to do it with a positive mindset. Or, don't be shocked, maybe you could try not marking that date on the calendar at all. You shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying that particular day because, after 16 years it really is just a day and you probably remember her most days and certainly not only on that one day every year. If you can't let go of that particular day, at least try not to judge or blame your family for remembering her in their own way.