To feel like I'm bottom of the list ALL the time?

OK.

Make a list something like this

1. Organise some other dogsbody person to fetch FiL and take him back
2. Delegate starters and pudding to others.
3. Book yourself a facial/pedicure/ massage (or all three) a couple of days before
4. And if I all goes pearshaped pour yourself your favourite tippple and announce
'Who's doing Christmas next year' as you pull the crackers.

I posted this photo on another thread but I think it's very appropriate for you!!

Suzied the taxi is a brilliant idea! FIL won't ride in one but it could deliver his dinner. He won't come here at Christmas anymore as my (but not my husbands) DC and DGC are too noisy. Eldest DD drives and would drop dinner off as she won't be drinking and is good like that. As for having a cleaner (FIL could afford to pay), he won't have anyone in. Stubborn old man I'm afraid who is very controlling. He's not keen on me as I won't cuddle him

Book a taxi for FIL at Xmas and pour yourself a drink, - if he doesn't want to come the taxi can take the meal. get the kids to all be responsible for some aspect of the meal - veg/ pudding/whatever. If you were ill yourself they'd just have to cope. Your "me time" is important in maintaining your health, tell the kidsthis and I'm sure they'd sort something.

Caramac if your diabetes isn't well controlled, then it will be contributing to your grumpiness. One very good reason to make sure that you can keep exercising. If you become ill the rest of your family will have to make other arrangements, so it's in their interests to give you some more time for yourself.
Good luck

This is too much for one person to cope with.

Why can't either of your daughters collect your FIL enroute to your house and take him home after dinner. I'm assuming he is their Grandfather after all!

As for keeping the your house 'visitor ready' let friends and neighbours take it as they find it. Few houses are permanently visitor ready and most people don't notice or don't care.

You really should start putting yourself top of your list. It's nearly always the case of the willing worker being left to do the chores. Be a little less willing.

I hope you find some 'me time' soon.

"If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.

The trouble is that the busy person often does not know how to say 'No' and if they feel overwhelmed and say 'No' then everyone is shocked and surprised.

You need to re-assess what you can reasonably do and you need also to include looking after yourself and some gym time in that equation.

I was about to say that Sunseeker. Surely if you're doing all the food prep etc then someone else can sort out your FiL.
On a slightly different note would it be possible to organise some sort of home help for your FiL? To visit, clean and do his washing? Could there be any Local Authority input organised?

You sound a lot like my sister in law, who has taken on an awful lot of caring for everyone else, grandchildren, grown children and ex husband. You obviously have a kind heart and are putting everyone else first but you do need "you" time. If everyone is coming to you for Christmas could not someone else pick up your FIL on the way and then take him home again?

You are all right that extras have been added on over time. FIL no longer drives (too frail, poor vision) and DH unable to drive for a few more weeks following surgery. The gym is a fairly bespoke one with very small groups but session times are changed along with youngest DD work days changed beyond her control. She works 4 long days in NHS, pays 3 days childminder but due to rota I have DGC 2 long days pw plus other DGC one late night and alternate Saturdays when she can't buy childcare. This means i can only make 1 gym session a fortnight instead of the 3-4 a week I have paid for. Today I will be collecting FIL and his washing, wash dry and fold his laundry whilst he visits DH then take him back . His groceries are arriving with mine so I can take him, laundry and groceries to his house in 1 journey. I can't see a way out of it all. I could pay the childminder an extra day but I like having the DGC and I would still have 1 late evening, after work - feed and bath DGC - and that alternate Saturday. Perhaps I'll feel better when medication sorted but exercise was doing an alright job of that. On a positive note, my sons put the external Christmas lights up yesterday and carried my treadmill downstairs so hopefully I can do a few miles on that today.

As Luckygirl said all these commitments seem to have crept up on you bit by bit. I think you really need to sit down with your family and look at what you are reasonably able to do given your health problems. You will not be able to help anyone if you are ill yourself. Your family probably haven't realised how much you are coping with and I'm sure will look at reorganising things. Be honest, it's impossible to be all things to all people. Good luck.

Why do you have to give up the gym. Just ask your daughter to make alternative arrangement for those times and maybe a few other hours whilst you have so much on your plate.

The trouble is with people who are dependable and reliable is that they are always expected to be dependable and reliable. You don't elaborate on the circumstances which meant you "had" to give up your gym package, but it looks to me as though your daughter is taking the mick. Sorry, but she needs to take responsibility for her kids which includes appreciating why you may have other commitments which trump hers.

You seem to be doing a lot for others too; why, for example, do you feel "have" to take your FIL his dinner?

I can well understand your resentment, but you need to put your foot down.

Well - I do not think you are bottom of the list - I think you are top! - because you do it all so well.

I look after GC regularly while DD works and also have an OH with PD. But the rule is that I also have time to do other things that are important to me - singing, going for a walk/limp. My DD knows this and recognises that we are doing her a favour - and saving her a fortune in the process. Organise one thing that is important to you (e.g. the gym) and say to everyone that you are happy to help them all, but this is an immovable feast around which everyone must work.

Your DD CAN make other arrangements if she has to and she must. This situation seems to have drifted along, with extra bits added ad lib. Time for some organisation - sit these folk down and say you love helping with the GC etc but that in order to do that well you need this time for yourself and that you are organising it and that it cannot be changed. It is possible to be too accommodating. If you say what you need to say in a rational/let's sit down and sort this out way, then it need not cause bad feeling, especially if you emphasise how happy you are to care for them.