worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

I would absolutely not leave a child in his care or in the kitchen whilst cooking if he is so lax.

I don't blame you for being angry with him and he's probably angry with himself so just thank your lucky stars your DGC wasn't hurt and don't labour the point or your DH will completely lose his confidence around the child.

Keep an eye on things though.

I am keeping my eye on things, frankly I just do not trust him, he is too laissez faire about the whole child caring thing. I worry about his driving these days, he has a few dings in the car and rages about stupid drivers huh!! When we take GS out in the car he races around does not indicate and shouts at others, so now I am going to drive. What sticks in my craw is that I am a nag and anything that happens eg hot coffee cups left around etc. is my fault.

In what other ways would you say your DH is casual around the two year old?

x post

Ignore my post about cutting him some slack then. The man sounds like he's enjoying winding you up.

A good way of getting out of childcare by the sound of it.

Poor you. You have one of those men who does things wrong and blames anyone but himself.

Are the parents aware of things?

Other ways he is casual, well he allowed GS to go up the steps on his own from front door to drive, then DH wandered over to car, GS of course ran up the road, nearly got hit by a neighbours car as he came around the corner. No I have not alerted the parents am too worried they will not let us have him anymore. I just feel so alone in this grandparenting thing.

Was he so casual with his own kids?

well you ARE alone !! I wouldn't let him near the child unless you are there . I am afraid I would alert the parents to the situation , and try and get OH to the GP for a Memory Test

He was not around for his own kids, worked long hours so all childcare was left to me. I know men are more rough and tumble with children but his defensiveness to me is inexcusable, to blame me for a child running into the road that I had to chase and flag a car down or blame me for a frying pan is imo. unreasonable.

I would alert the parents too. But first I would tell him that I was going to do so.
It might make him think twice or three times about his actions, but sadly, the conversation might not go that way at all.

I did threaten to tell the parents because I was worried that just made him angrier, I know I will lose contact with GS if I do this DIL is pregnant with second due in five weeks so needs our help, what to do.

I'm afraid that the safety of your GC is paramount
For goodness sake put your GC first he is an innocent child!

Tell the parents that your DH is no longer able to look after a toddler.

You could still take your grandchild on outings by yourself or look after him at the parents house.

So sad for you but you would never forgive yourself if anything happened to your GC

Your GC has already had at least two lucky escapes!

I agree with aggie. His behaviour and excuses towards you must be infuriating, but your priority has to be the child and you would never forgive yourself if you dropped your guard and an accident happened. Poor you . What a situation.

You need to take responsibility if he won't. Are you able to mind your DS at his own house and leave granddad to burn your house down to his own devices. Either that or you take over the driving, or send granddad off to golf.

Sounds like you've two toddlers to look after. Ditch the grumpy one.

Sorry X posts Cherry

Yes, he's an idiot and shouldn never be left alone with the child.

But all this 'losing contact' worry is getting out of hand and is in itself worrying...

I think you are right, I will just take full responsibility for GC`s DH is obviously not cut out for it. I do worry about him anyway can be so forgetful, losing things and blaming me forgetting things and blaming me, so it is best I take charge.

I have similar problem in that my H leaves his tablets within reach.

If mine had tablets he would leave them next to a packet of smarties I swear.

I am sad I thought grandparenting is something we could enjoy together.

I would never ever ever leave him alone with the toddler If he's always been like this didn't you realise he would be a liability and a danger or has this only happened lately ...if the latter could it be a case of the start of forgetfulness and bad judgement in other words dementia

this is lately he seems to think toddlers have a sense of danger which they do not. I do worry about dementia, doesn`t everyone these days.