To expect her to be on time!

I once wrote on here about a time I got very angry with a solicitor who was persistently late for appointments that I attended on behalf of a friend of mine. Eventually I gave him a very cross dressing down in front of one of his minions and accused him, quite rightly, of assuming his time was more precious than mine. He was never late again.
My father in law is often late and yet, although I sometimes feel frustrated, I never get cross with him because I understand his reasons. He wakes in the morning with a plan of what he would like to achieve and sets to work; if a phone call runs over time or there are unexpected interruptions he will still deal with them and if they cause him to be late then he will apologise.

I, too, have (had!!) a friend like that. It used to drive me crackers as she was ALWAYS, ALWAYS late and just used to say "you know what I'm like ..." And YES. It IS rude ... extremely!!!!!

At family get-togethers, I am always the first to arrive and my sister, the last, irrelevant of distance travelled etc. Nothings going to change so we all make a joke of it.

It's something we all live with!

I am a person who hates to be late. It causes me a great deal of anxiety. This is for everything in my life from meeting friends to catching trains/flights. I get very stressed especially if somebody else is accompanying me.
My dd is always late. I feel I may have contributed to this by constantly mithering her when she was young about being ready... hurry up etc...
There is no sense of urgency about her at all!! Drives me potty. Dgd seems has inherited her mum's laise fair attitude to time keeping ? getting ready for school is a mammoth task despite her young age (6!!)
I have to agree with others, if your friends lateness really bothers you and you feel unable to speak to her about it tell her you're meeting earlier & you be there at the time you think she'll make it!

My DD is very often late when we've arranged to meet which is very annoying but I'm pleased to see her so am indulgent BUT I know she is very punctual for her work where timing is vital and to be late would totally unacceptable.
I recognise this is a trait I used to have when I was younger until a friend told me she wouldn't put up with it. I was taken aback but it did make me change my attitude to punctuality. So maybe you should tell her and not be so indulgent. She may not realise how fed up you are with her behaviour.

I am dyspraxic and used to have great problems with time. I always fixed my meetings with staff for half past and put in my diary the hour so that I had 10 and they had 10.30 say. Now I am retired I fix GP appointments for fifteen mins past the hour and put the hour on my calendar. It works. Your friend needs to be helped to come up with a strategy that works. I would suggest too that you meet in a cafe so that at least you can have a coffee and use the free wiifi.

Actually I think I'd be tempted to give her a taste of her own medicine and let her do the waiting.

Of course then you'd have to skulk nearby where you can't be seen...and keep skulking for at least 20 minutes, providing you didn't get arrrested for suspicious behaviour/bored/achy feet/etc.

#howtobecomeastalker

how about you wait at home and tell her to text you when she's arrived at the meeting place and then you make your way to her?

I like that one!

I confess to being one of those who try to fit in too much before leaving.
I have realised that I need to focus on the time to leave, not the time to arrive. (That probably seems obvious, but wasn't to me, for a long time.)
Now I plan a generous amount of time for travel to the destination so that if I actually leave a few minutes later than I meant to do, I still get there on time.

I agree with those who say tell her you will meet her at 2.30 when you yourself intend to arrive at 3. That way you both arrive at the same time. In my experience this is the only thing that works with those who are chronically late.

Tell her by all means that she is driving you mad by her habit of always being late for every appointment, but don't expect her to change because you explain.

She. if she at all resembles the people I know who are always late, will just be exasperated by what she sees as your nit-picking attitude to time.

Don't get me wrong, please: I don't agree with her; her kind drive me up the wall too, but I have forced myself to adopt the lie about meeting times as the only survival strategy here.

There are basically two kinds of people in this world, we, who are always either on time or early, and the others who are always late.

What was she like with business appointments - could she keep time there?

Agree it's incredibly annoying. But I don't think it's necessarily because they think their time is more important, etc. Some people are just hopelessly disorganised - they dither and faff and never allow enough time to get themselves ready and get to wherever it is. To me habitual lateness is unacceptable in a reasonably intelligent adult, but unless there are really inconvenient consequences to themselves, I don't suppose anything's going to jolt them out of it.
I agree 100% with limiting waiting times with anyone who makes a habit of this. And I think I'd tell them - 'Sorry, but if you're late, I'm not waiting again,' and stick to it.

I think lateness is an irritation to a lot of people and particularly in the workplace. However .....we all have many flaws and imperfections and while many people fail in one area they shine in another. A good friend overlooks a friends worst traits and thinks about the positives that the friendship brings. Patience is one thing that some friendships need more than others.

My friend was notorious for being late for everything. It was very rude and frustrating especially if dyiur a punctual person. At her eulogy it was even made a joke of that she was in time for her own funeral. Bless her

The other thing you can do is agree your meeting time but say you have to leave at a specific time to and stick to it, even if it means you only have half an hour to chat. That way you tactfully make the point that your time is valuable too, and you can't run your day around an unagreed timetable that suits her convenience! That works for me and I can be notoriously late person at times, if not controlled!

I am also on time for arrangements and hate to be late. But most of you all have negative comments about the people who are late. Just a thought here. I have a friend who is also very late and I think it's because she always tries to fit too much into the allocated time that she has and then is always running late. A niece is also unable to get to places on time. On asking her about this she said that she feels that she can stretch time and if she has to be somewhere at half past whatever she leaves home at that half past whatever. Something else is going on with these two and I think it's to do with perception of time. Neither of these two would think their time was more important than ours but are unable somehow to manage their time successfully.

I'm a punctual if not early person. As far as I remember I've never been late in all my adult life. I HATE people who are always late and think nothing of it, it's "just the way I am" , well it's bloody rude . I have a similar friend , like yours not just five or ten minutes late but half an hour . I got so fed up standing in the cold like a lemon, the last time, I went home. She was furious for a while but it made the point and she is never on time but within my patience time.

I hate lateness, I would not stand around outside a shop etc but arrange to meet in a coffee shop where I could sit in comfort, have a coffee & read my book/newspaper.

I am always early for appointments & meetings with friends. Don't make light of it.

I don't get so irritated if some-one is coming to my house, DD is rarely on time when she comes to me but with my two DGSs it's excusable, DGS2 is only 4 months old

I agree with Broadwater..it is plain rude...nothing more to be said! My aunt used to do this to my frail elderly uncle and he used to get very frustrated. When he died she, his own sister, turned up one hour late for his funeral! I arranged the funeral and I was absolutely furious with her...we had to go ahead without her, and she didn't seem the least bit bothered.

I used the half hour trick for years with my ex. He never cottoned on!

This is indeed a vexed subject with me. I abhor lateness on a regular basis but......having said this......I tolerate it regularly when the end result is meeting up with my son. No, he certainly wasn't brought up like this but is now an adult and 'manages' his own life. Drat! People who are persistently late tend to think that their time is more precious than mine. I think they are disorganised and have a little touch of misplaced self importance. At the end of the day, if I know their bad habits and am prepared to tolerate them for the resulting meeting, then I simply adapt. I find a meeting place that I am very comfortable in and I go well prepared entertain myself until they arrive. Doesn't irritate me but does make me a little bit sad.

Only you, OP , will have a true sense of your friend's personality. I think it a bit much for others to wade in with criticisms of her and to attribute all sorts of negatives to her. You feel she has been rude, but that's not the same as 'vain', 'selfish', etc. And as others have pointed out, she may have a problem. I hope you are not persuaded to think worse of her than needs be.

I'd always meet her inside a nice cafe and take a book or kindle ! I'd also not arrive till at least fifteen minutes later. I'd also text to say you'd arrived, and ask politely when she's going to get there. I'd def have a coffee. Maybe even say will u just go if she's running very late? She won't change tho, so evaluate this friendship. If it's important to you, I'd just take it as part of her personality and always arrive a little late. If it's not an important friendship, just don't meet so often or tell her it upsets u.

I have the opposite problem - a friend who is always early. No matter what time we arrange to meet - and I get there on time - she is always there, looking at her watch, looking anxious and aggrieved. She invariably says 'oh, we just missed the number....'. We live in a big town. There is no shortage of buses. I have tried getting to our meeting places 5 or 10 minutes early (difficult for me, because of commitments), and she is always there ahead of me. I asked her once if she camped out at the bus stop overnight so she could always be there first. She just looked bewildered. It used to really irritate me, I felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty - 'in the wrong'. Now I just get there at the agreed time - if she wants to waste her time waiting round, so be it.

There is only one word to describe regular and sustained unpunctuality and that word is arrogance.It is a clear statement that the other party considers their time to be much more important than yours.Maybe in your case it harks back to the days when she was your boss. She needs to be reminded that those days are over.It is definitely not a matter to be laughed off.Is this person a true friend?

It has been really interesting and helpful for me to read all these comments so thank you to the OP for asking the question and thank you to everyone who has commented. I have a cancer group in my house and have been the organiser for 2 years now and have been happy to do it until recently.
One of the group who is a retired teacher is always 30-45 mins late for every single meeting and this really drives me crazy. She also takes days to reply to emails and sometimes I have had to phone her up for a reply because she simply hasn't bothered.
This is why I have now said that someone else can do the organising and they can send out reminders - I feel that in a self-help group, if people make a note in their diaries of the date of the next meeting, they shouldn't need to be reminded but she particularly asked to be reminded. I also think that people should offer to bring cake/biscuits and not have to be asked each time but she never offers to do anything.
Sorry to be so grumpy but I have been feeling that I am being "used" by some of the group! And hearing how others think about this sort of carelessness really helps.

I wouldn't arrange to meet her outside shops and etc any more, just have her around to your house where as you say it doesn't matter as much. Or - how about you wait at home and tell her to text you when she's arrived at the meeting place and then you make your way to her?