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New family boundaries

(104 Posts)
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MawBroon Wed 14-Feb-18 13:03:45

I am sorry you feel this way but it is really a matter for the new parents and your DIL in particular. It always used to be traditional for the maternal mum to “move in “ to help the new mum out in the “lying in” period.
One month is a very short time, and if your DIL and her mum are close, it is perfectly natural. Don’t fall into the trap of competitive grandparenting, you are the one who will get hurt.
If the other granny is there at the weekend, how about inviting them all to Sunday lunch?
Otherwise you are just going to have to be patient and understanding.
I don’t agree that the new parents OR the other granny are being uncaring or unfeeling. 4 weeks is VERY early days.
BTW you must have a very short memory if you think your DIL and her mum are “out and about” or having” a relaxing time! “ With a 4 week old baby? I was lucky to be out of my dressing gown and into clothes by lunchtime!!

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Ilovecheese Wed 14-Feb-18 12:53:03

I'm not sure that being at home with a month old baby is exactly 'relaxing'

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travelsafar Wed 14-Feb-18 12:44:48

Oh dear how unfeeling of the new parents not to see how hurtful this must be to you. Lets hope they' wake up and smell the coffee before its too late.' Also I think the other Gran is being totally uncaring too by way.

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Newbiedoobie Wed 14-Feb-18 12:35:18

How much time with grandchildren is too much?
My new granddaughter is only a month old, but from a week before her birth until now her other granny has lived with the new family for about five out of seven days a week. I feel sorry for my son who works all day whilst his wife and mum in law have been out or just had a relaxing time at home and then he often has to cook. Obviously I’m also not very happy because we aren’t getting much of a look in either, but mainly I’m worried the other granny is driving a wedge between them.
Other granny does live away so she has to stay with them or not be here, but I think it’s time she backed off and let them be a family. Am I being unreasonable?
I feel very impotent; can’t see how I can help the situation. I’ve offered to help in lots of ways, cleaning, cooking, looking after baby, getting groceries, but haven’t been taken up on any of them yet. Mum in law obviously helps with these things and I suppose it seems that she’s indispensable as no other help is accepted.
I wasn’t expecting it to be like this!

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