Gransnet forums

AIBU

Surprise Party Invitation

(64 Posts)
Grandmarnia Thu 22-Nov-18 21:26:17

If you received an invitation to a party headed "Surprise Party", would you assume that the birthday person did not know about the party and that it was err a surprise?
My husband attends a weekly art class and had a significant birthday on Tuesday. Invitations were emailed to all art class members from myself to attend a Surprise Birthday Tea this coming Saturday.
I have received some replies.
Today, my husband has come home from the art class asking me what is happening on Saturday? One bloddy woman has said "I've received an invitation to your house for a "do" on Saturday, are you looking for to it?"
I am so cross!
My AIBU is.. would I be unreasonable to email all the members again to say that I don't appreciate the Surprise Party now not being a surprise or do I ignore it.
Why would someone do this?
I have spent months organising this Surprise Party and have relatives travelling here, his old work colleagues are coming and I have managed to keep it all hush hush and now today this!

Witzend Fri 23-Nov-18 14:23:14

I have a Big birthday coming up and although I didn't want any fuss, and said so, I knew the family would think otherwise, and so worked out a plan that would not involve too much travel/expense for far flung family.

Told dh today of my plan - he said it's already sorted! He and dds have put their heads together and I've been told of their arrangements, which do sound v nice, and will mean seeing far flung family we don't see v often at all.

The only thing I'm insisting on, is No Presents! Presence is ample. I don't need or want anything, and certainly don't want anyone racking their brains.

BlueBelle Fri 23-Nov-18 14:22:12

Gosh Driverann I wouldn’t have liked that party embarrassing if you ve all got clothes on and even more embarrassing if they asked everyone to take theirs off I ve never really been to any surprise parties they don’t seem to happen amongst my group of friends

BlueBelle Fri 23-Nov-18 14:19:34

I too have never had a surprise party well on my 60th a small family do that I didn’t know was happening but am not big on surprises either I m someone who likes to be prepared and in the know
Like others I m sure she didn’t mean to let your secret out I think it would have been a good idea on your original email to have underlined Don’t forget this is a secret but of course that’s with hindsight
My grandaughter is arranging some short videos to put together for her mums forthcoming, birthday and sent me an email saying ‘don’t tell mum or even dad’

Urmstongran Fri 23-Nov-18 14:10:16

Oh my. I’d have felt mortified sitting there in my party clothes trying not to look. 2 naked people in a room full of clothed people! Gosh. Exhibitionists or what? Couldn’t they have just told you all?

driverann Fri 23-Nov-18 13:51:28

We don’t like surprise parties normally but friends of ours invited us to one and we could not make out what it was for because they had both invited us and we knew it was not their birthdays. However the ‘surprise’ was on the 20 of us who attended and such a hoot the best surprise and party we have ever been to. We were all chatting away with drinks and laughing about not knowing why we were there, then after being told “you’re soon find out” the host and hostess went out of the room then came back a few minutes later completely naked!!! Telling us Just to let you all know “ We have come out as naturist” The look on some of the faces will stay with me for ever. Fantastic night the best party ever. I would add they are still very good friends of ours.

BBbevan Fri 23-Nov-18 13:32:42

I remember a surprise party we went to,years ago. We all hid in the kitchen with the lights out. The birthday boy came home with a dreadful migraine. He went straight upstairs to bed, bypassing the rest of the house. We all crept out and went home .

NanaRayna Fri 23-Nov-18 13:19:57

I'd HATE a surprise party. When I get home I'm looking forward to putting the kettle on and making a visit to the bathroom while it boils for my 'putting my feet up' cuppa. Twenty or more friends and family making excitement when I want to breathe a sigh of relief and relax would be quite unwelcome!
Friends and Family - hope you are reading this!!

HellsBells Fri 23-Nov-18 13:12:23

My darling husband organised a surprise party for me - I did get wind of it partly by a so called friend asking me what i would be wearing - I think she did it on purpose! The week before an elderly friend said see you Saturday - his wife swiftly intervened telling him he had the wrong person - However it didn't stop my enjoyment as there were loads of lovely people i didn't expect to see so don't worry

amethyst67 Fri 23-Nov-18 13:12:05

My DH had no idea when we arranged a surprise party at home for him, in fact he had taken himself back to bed with flu. Panic set in, but we managed to dose him up, persuade him to get showered and dressed and come downstairs.
Thank goodness it was only 'man flu'.

I think your friend was just thoughtless and she will probably be feeling dreadful about it! I hope all goes well.

FlorenceFlower Fri 23-Nov-18 12:38:34

Lots of good advice here, hope it’s helpful. But I don’t think I have EVER been to a surprise party that was a real surprise for the surprisee!

Although on reflection, there was one surprise hen night I went to, and the bride-to-be was an hour late as she had popped to the shops first and also a bit annoyed that her fiancée had been keeping the surprise from her!

Another friend’s husband arranged a surprise 50th party for her, and when asked if she had known in advance, said of course she did, how did anyone think that the house would have been so tidy and organised, with enough food, drink, etc, to go round?

I would let it go, your husbands friend was not being malicious, and I think that most people would like a bit of warning so that they can prepare themselves mentally AND get their very ‘surprised’ speech ready!

Hope it goes well, do let us know what happens, please. ???

Buffybee Fri 23-Nov-18 12:30:39

Some people are so dim!

Nanny123 Fri 23-Nov-18 12:26:29

I would be gutted too.

My two daughters who were teenagers at the time arranged a surprise party for me with help from several of my friends. One of my “friends” got a bee in her bonnet about something and took it upon herself to phone me up and tell me what was going in. Luckily I didn’t let my girls know I knew about the big surprise.

I had to make sure I was surprised when they revealed on the day that we were going to a hotel for dinner and staying overnight (they had even packed me a bag)
And how surprised I had to look I was when I walked into the room where everyone was waiting for us.

I would never tell them that I knew the look of sheer delight on their face was priceless to me - but I have often wondered how I miss out on that thrill of being “surprised” on the day

Looking back I think my friend wanted to spoil the surprise.

scrabble Fri 23-Nov-18 12:24:05

I hate surprise parties. A friend of mine walked into a surprise party for her 60th and said can I go home and change.

gustheguidedog Fri 23-Nov-18 11:29:53

Hi Chuck, as my username suggests, I am blind and so, therefore, must use the computer with specialised audible software. Personally, if it was me I'd be telling your husband, "Oh damn perhaps she has the wrong date, do you know her email so I can give her the correct date?" Then when you have her details you can send her an email telling her the party has been postponed till the following day - when she arrives you can say oh Surprise sorry it was yesterday!

Take care chuck and have a great day

Aepgirl Fri 23-Nov-18 11:26:37

Spot on Dora. However, I can't think of anything worse than having a surprise party arranged for me - I bet my hair would look as if I had just slept in it!

Jane43 Fri 23-Nov-18 11:18:54

Good advice from Dora. Some people are so thoughtless.

Busset135 Fri 23-Nov-18 11:18:52

I helped organise a surprise party in France earlier this year.Trying to keep it quiet was a nightmare I didn't talk properly to my cousins husband for about nine months

Margs Fri 23-Nov-18 11:10:00

Oh dear! As Oliver Hardy often said to Stan Laurel "Here's another fine mess!"

dragonfly46 Fri 23-Nov-18 11:06:26

As someone who hates surprises I would let it go.
I am sure whether he knows or not it will be wonderful.

Urmstongran Fri 23-Nov-18 11:02:51

A couple we know are walking into a surprise party tonight actually. We we’re invited but said we’d be in Spain at the time of the party. We met the couple involved a few days before we flew out. We knew to keep quiet about it. Then during the course of the evening, the wife said to me ‘so and so said a few nights ago ‘see you at your surprise party!’.’
I thought it odd. That lady had ruined what had been a lot of forward planning. A slip up? Hmm.
Tonight the couple will be getting ready for whatever they’ve been told but the wife does know now. She’s keeping it to herself and plans to act surprised. She’s not told her husband so he will be genuinely surprised!
I still had to act dim (not difficult for me) as I didn’t want to validate what the other lady had let slip!

123kitty Fri 23-Nov-18 11:01:34

Mentioning the event to your husband was probably done accidentally and not maliciously. Let it go. Enjoy your husband's party. Have fun.

Kim19 Fri 23-Nov-18 10:58:07

Why not further 'sideline' him by suggesting and reserving a favourite eatery for tomorrow? This, of course, will be cancelled by you later but unbeknown to him. Just trying to think what I might do to to convince him there had been a mix up!

annep Fri 23-Nov-18 10:57:00

I'm sure the lady who "blabbed" didn't mean to. I could easily have done it myself. I think a coverup lie is best which you seem to be doing ok. But reminding everyone about coming and just adding Dont forget its a surprise seems ok to me.
Stop worrying. Enjoy the party. It sounds great.?

Lindaylou55 Fri 23-Nov-18 10:55:13

I have organised a surprise party for my mother in laws 80th next weekend. One of my husbands aunts can't hold her own water so we are not giving her, her invite till next Friday. We know she will be available as she has no social life, but does have a big mouth lol

tickingbird Fri 23-Nov-18 10:44:43

I’d be fuming i must admit and i don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be annoyed. If it was me i would send another email reiterating the fact it is a surprise and could everyone please refrain from mentioning it to him.

Also Nanabilly i think getting so worked up about keeping a surprise party secret that you vomit is frankly, extreme. I wonder why it causes you to have such a physical reaction. It just shows how complex we humans are