Gransnet forums


All I want for Christmas??

(108 Posts)
3211123rjc Tue 04-Dec-18 13:28:47

The answer to myself is...some peace from what to do at Christmas. Each year I spend about a week of my life trying to second guess what is happening with the family, who is going where? Will we get to know anytime soon. I give up and then ask the question and get my head bitten off for asking too soon, as they are so busy they haven't given Christmas a thought. My thought is Christmas is no surprise, its the same date every year!! This year we are getting to have Christmas by ourselves, not by our choice, daughter having a crisis with work pressures and missed deadlines and just wants some space, depression has set in and wouldn't be much fun! Son is abroad, has just lost his job and can't afford airfare. Another son who is chef, hates Christmas. So, I am truly fed up, not with having Christmas to ourselves, but with worrying about the family. Can I move Christmas to another date please.

silverlining48 Tue 04-Dec-18 14:05:18

Children hey? Some Of what you say resounds with me, my dd is always stressed.
Enjoy your Christmas, and if you and your dh are on your own relish the peace and quiet and if you are surprised by the company of your children then .....hide behind the sofa tchgrin

3211123rjc Tue 04-Dec-18 14:12:33

Thanks for the suggestion silverlining, Sofa being pulled out from wall nowwink

silverlining48 Tue 04-Dec-18 14:16:05


Teetime Tue 04-Dec-18 14:23:42

All I want is for my son in law to have a peaceful death within the next few days(week) and for my daughter to find some peace and rest so she can morn her husband.

KatyK Tue 04-Dec-18 14:26:27

Teetime flowers

oldbatty Tue 04-Dec-18 14:31:35

Teetime, so very sad and a reminder of what is actually important and it sure as hell isn't matching crockery and prosecco advent calendars.

tanith Tue 04-Dec-18 14:48:50

Teetime flowers

sodapop Tue 04-Dec-18 15:34:12

Oh Teetime I'm so sorry for you and your family its heart breaking. I have been in that situation and know how you feel. God bless all of you thanks

DanniRae Tue 04-Dec-18 16:00:46

My love to you Teetime and some flowers x

Mapleleaf Tue 04-Dec-18 16:52:36

💐 Teetime.

EllanVannin Tue 04-Dec-18 17:28:56

It's the worst time of the year when you have someone in the family who's very sick, nothing else matters. All my sympathy and thoughts are with you all at this very trying and sad time x

Mycatisahacker Tue 04-Dec-18 19:27:09

Teetime just flowers and hugs.

Op hard as it is you can’t be responsible for adult children’s happiness. I have 5 adult kids wink and you can guarantee at any one time one of them is more needy than other ones and which one is a movable feast.

You know what we do? We say everyone welcome at ours and let us know by the 23rd for shopping.

And me and dh go to the local for lunch time drinks. We do a Christmas buffet, no big bloody turkey.

Lots of wine and Games.

Come if you want or suit yourselves we are happy either way. No pressure.

If you relax they will too

kazzerb Tue 04-Dec-18 19:41:55

For the first time in 34 years, I will not be spending Christmas day with my two children. My Daughter and I are estranged through the lies of a friend of hers and my Son is spending the day with his Son, aged one, his partner and her family. My Husband and I have splashed out on Christmas dinner, with champagne on arrival, at a lovely country pub. It's expensive but worth it. We will get together with some family over the festive season but I can honestly say, I'm looking forward to our day together.

Missfoodlove Tue 04-Dec-18 20:10:24

Every Christmas for 35 years I have had to accommodate parents/in-laws, this year is the first we do not have to comply with my domineering mother as she is in a home and my in laws are sadly no longer with us.
Quite frankly every Christmas has been a nightmare pussy footing around my mother trying not to say the or do wrong thing.
As Dec 25th has been a chore we decided to concentrate on any family get togethers and make them special so the focus was taken off the one day of the year that seems to cause so much stress.
I have told my 3 adult children they must please themselves at Christmas and not try to please everybody else as I’ve had to do for years.

Jalima1108 Tue 04-Dec-18 20:11:54

Teetime so sorry to hear that flowers I do hope that his end is peaceful and your daughter can begin to grieve.

GillT57 Tue 04-Dec-18 20:21:50

teetime. So sorry. X

lemongrove Tue 04-Dec-18 20:48:02

Teetime....hope that your SIL does have a merciful release very soon for the sake of all your family.💐

To the OP and anyone else tearing their hair out over Christmas arrangements, stop! Just say if asked about Christmas ( let them ask you ) you are all welcome, just let me know in time, for shopping purposes.
We do this every year, sometimes ( rarely) they all come, sometimes just one family, and sometimes we see them on different days Ch Eve, Ch Day and Boxing Day.
I refuse to get stressed about any of it, but if in danger of that happening then the Baileys comes out.grin

grannyactivist Tue 04-Dec-18 23:13:26

Teetime flowers
The waiting period can be a blessing in some respects (being able to say 'goodbye'), but also can be a very painful time. I expect you're feeling it most keenly because you're dealing with your own feelings whilst carrying the burden of a mother's pain for her child. What courage we must sometimes find! (((hug)))

Cherrytree59 Wed 05-Dec-18 01:38:42

My thoughts are with you and your family.
I wish you courage and strength xxx

morethan2 Wed 05-Dec-18 06:49:46

I’m so sorry Teatime Christmas can be difficult, but must be especially difficult for you and your family.
I would like my very ill dil and my son to enjoy what may be their last Christmas together, alas I don’t think that’s going to be the case. So I hope they muddle through as best they can with no disasters.

Applegran Wed 05-Dec-18 09:49:35

Teetime I am sending you love, and wishing for peace for your daughter and son in law. You remind us what matters.

gillybob Wed 05-Dec-18 09:50:43

I was going to write that I wish Christmas would go away for a few months and then I read Teetimes post about her son in law being so poorly. When everyone is fussing about Christmas shopping etc. It must be very hard to bear. Puts things into prospective though . sad

vintage1950 Wed 05-Dec-18 09:58:01

Sympathy to Teetime and morethan2. My own son-in-law was very ill a few years ago - fortunately recovered but things were looking very black for a while and we did all we could - which I don't think was enough - to support our daughter and grandchild. All the cheeriness of Christmas must make things feel much worse. Lots of love. flowersflowers

Marthjolly1 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:16:34

teetime and morethan I am so sorry for the sadness in your life and wish you and your families peace and comfort.
3211123 you have taken on the worries of all your children- it's what we mum's do. Christmas is just one day, hopefully you can have a family get together sometime in the new year when everyone will be more relaxed and really able to enjoy the day. For now just chill out and expect nothing - I've learnt that is the best way of avoiding the disappointment of not being able to make everyone's Christmas perfect
It just doesn't happen.

Pastel Wed 05-Dec-18 10:18:18

Teetime - I am in the same situation (DH) it is so hard and a a very lonely feeling. I just want Christmas over.

3211123rjc Wed 05-Dec-18 10:23:38

Teetime, may you and your family find some peace at this terrible sad time. To you all who have left comments, I take solace in knowing that you are all happy to share how you cope with this time of year. I have been retired now for a couple of years and I'm still learning how to say "no" to them all. They are the ones that feel guilty about not seeing me at Christmas, as I said it shouldn't have to be this hard. Regardless of what the family decide, we are treating ourselves to some very nice food and drinks, planning our TV entertainment, and looking forward to a Christmas day walk to the pub. That's me sorted. To you all, have the best time that circumstances will allow this holiday and good luck for the new year.tchsmile

Mapleleaf Wed 05-Dec-18 10:25:49

3211123, I think a lot of good advice has been given to you, and I think Marthajolly1, in particular, offers excellent advice. Good luck, and I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:30:49

Teetime and Pastel (and anyone else in a similar situation) I am so sorry to hear about this dreadfully trying time you are going through.

To all the others who feel Christmas is difficult: do your own thing. If you want to invite your adult children do so, if not enjoy a nice peaceful Christmas on your own.

winterwhite Wed 05-Dec-18 10:34:19

Teetime, more flowers. Look after yourself

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 10:38:25

No words pastel - just a big, gentle (((hug))). Talk to us if it helps. soop' kitchen is brilliant.

Teetime and * morethan* for you too.

dragonfly46 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:53:06

I second what Kitty says Pastel, I have found great comfort in Soop's Kitchen.

Pastel, Teetime and Morethan there is nothing I can say to make things better but thinking of you all and sending hugs.

321123 I would arrange next year to be away for Christmas and let the family sort themselves out. Dont let them think you are dependent on them and maybe they will find that they really miss seeing you and arrange things a little earlier the next year.

inishowen Wed 05-Dec-18 11:12:57

My son and family are going to his inlaws this year. Not a problem, but our daughter has just split up with her husband so she and the two children are coming here. It will be a big change for us, having so few here. Also it will be sad for my daughter.

mabon1 Wed 05-Dec-18 11:16:24

I want my daughter in law to have her last Christmas pain free and in peace with her husband and 10 year old son around her. Some of the people who post on this site need to get off their backsides and stop moaning about trivia.

Tamayra Wed 05-Dec-18 11:20:50

Sending you love & strength at such a difficult time 🙏💖🙏

Drwatfam Wed 05-Dec-18 11:21:01

I feel the same ... except my interest in Christmas is much reduced this year as I lost my Mum in June. She loved Christmas and all the fun has gone from it now. I've no longer got her to talk it over woth and laugh with .
So , the 4 children, in laws and DGC are rocking up over Christmas... at various times.
We've told time we will feed the masses and change bedding but have asked them to discuss arrangements about who comes when between themselves . Heck , the 4 kids range from 36 to 26. 2 even share a flat. You'd think they could talk to each other without using me ( Mum ) as a hub and director of operations .
Seems not though. I'm still getting questions.... and don't get me started on the " What shall I get for ..... " .
I am struggling to buy my own presents for everyone , never mind help them out. I guess old habits die hard and , maybe , I will feel better and back on the ball !

lizzypopbottle Wed 05-Dec-18 11:33:16

OP I live 300+ miles from two of my children and, in the past, when they're having a difficult time I've felt stressed and worried. It's made worse by the one who lives here getting steamed up because the others are worrying me! Lately, I've tried to convince myself that I can't help from this distance (other than moral or financial support) so worrying is futile. It doesn't change anything.

I should've just said, worrying is futile. It doesn't help anyone. Give yourself a break and look forward to a nice quiet Christmas. You never know. Things might change for the better.😀

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 11:48:05

mabon, sending you (((hugs))).

marionk Wed 05-Dec-18 12:04:34

Teetime’s situation puts everything into perspective for me - no more fussing about who is included and who isn’t for me this year.

Teetime Wed 05-Dec-18 12:09:12

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and pastel my thoughts are with you.

Or lovely son in law has now been taken off all interventions and has been made comfortable by some wonderful doctors and nurses in Ipswich Hospital. Our daughter and his children are with him.

Grandmashe43 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:46:04

Tee time, my thoughts and prayers are with your dear family at this sad time xx

eilyann Wed 05-Dec-18 12:50:14

Dear fil died after long illness Boxing day 1969. DF suddenly 27th Dec 1970. While our daughters were little we put on a good show - not that it was a show - we enjoyed every minute!But now that we are 20 years older than each of them when they died, we prefer Christmas Day quietly on our own --- then Boxing day at one or other of their houses all hell breaks loose!
teetime so sorry. You and your family are in my prayersflowers

annodomini Wed 05-Dec-18 12:54:29

Teetime, wishing you and your family a peaceful Christmas. And for all grans, I wish you the Christmas you wish for yourselves whether full of GC and fun or quiet and reflective by yourself or with a partner. I'll be with the family and hope to see most of the GC.

austin23 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:56:36

Dear Teetime💕😢 my thoughts are with you & your family my husband & I had the same issue my Father-in-law passed in his sleep 1 week today, it’s really hard arranging his funeral when all the shops are covered merry & bright! I’m not a bah hum bug person but My husband & I are spending a very quiet & reflective time this Xmas after the last 2 years of caring of elderly parents , god bless you all 🙏thanksthanks

allsortsofbags Wed 05-Dec-18 13:47:28

Thoughts and Hugs to anyone who is having a hard time and especially at this time of year.

OP as others have said worrying about our AC goes with the territory of being a parent and it is harder and more impactful at certain times of year, Christmas being one of those times.

Teetime wishing you and your family peace at this sad.

Also peace and kindness to anyone in a painful situations.

There are so many people with so many difficult life situations that trying to just get through the day is hard enough without the big Christmas fuss and expectations everywhere we turn.

Not having the Christmas or Christmases as we once had is a reality for lots of people and the best we can do is be kind to ourselves and those around us and get through the days.

It's A Day. It's a day and it has whatever meaning we choose to give it.

Sometimes it is hard when we have to change the value, meaning, significants we place on "The Day" harder still when those changes are not of our choice or in our control.

Many of those changes, be they in family relationships, bereavement, estrangement, hurt.

Dealing with hurt when expectations around Christmas are so high just puts us under more pressure.

I really, really do feel for anyone who has lost or os facing the loss of a loved one at this time of year because the pressure to be Jolly and Festive just makes things harder.

May all those who need a kind word, wise advice or support find what they need be it here on GN or among friends and family. Take Care all.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 13:55:06

Never worry worry, till worry worries you.
Let them all get on with it. You fed clothed and nurtured them, saw them through education and into their adult years. You can't baby them forever and you can bet your bottom dollar that they're not thinking about or worrying about you.
If they're savvy, they won't make the same mistakes twice and will live life their way. If they stumble, let them pick themselves up. You worrying is not resolving it? Be realistic. Pay attention to yourself, your OH and indulge yourselves. Have fun and let them sort their own lives out.

vickya Wed 05-Dec-18 13:56:16

My best wishes and hugs too for those who have sad family situations around Christmas this year.

Some years I was not able to be with husband and then not with children either and one year I helped at Crisis and really enjoyed it. I met very nice people, the other helpers and also the clients. I was also a hospital radio dj for some years and did a radio programme over the Christmas season. I felt if I was not having a wonderful family time I might as well help make other people's Christmas better.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 14:15:31

While it's very sad that some GNers are going through a traumatic time so near to a period of celebration for many, to berate others for posting 'trivia' is rather silly. Are we, who are not beset by worries, not allowed to be happy and frivolous in our remarks, or do we have to be sober and wear a mantle others wish to see us wear.
Whilst I commiserate with those going through difficulties of anyvand all kinds, it doesn't and shouldn't impinge on my outlook and excitement at the coming Christmas festivities.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 14:16:59

any and blush

suttonJ Wed 05-Dec-18 14:21:41

Missfoodlove....I had the same experiences as you over the years. Pressure from mum to 'celebrate' exactly as she wanted. I have told my adult kids that I will never put that sort of pressure on them. If one is not religious, then 25 December is just a date on the calendar.
Enjoy each day in your own way.

Theoddbird Wed 05-Dec-18 14:29:26

I am yet again having to spend it with family. I so want a peaceful day on my own. All I get is you can't spend Christmas on your own. I don't see it as any other day that I am on my own....hahaha. Enjoy your day and try not to worry. They will all get through their problems. Enjoy your day.

minxie Wed 05-Dec-18 14:55:46

I’ve e told my adult children. I never expect them to see me on Christmas Day. Especially as one of them is In their new home. It takes the pressure off everybody and if they come to me. It’s a bonus, chill and makes some special plans for yourselves

hulahoop Wed 05-Dec-18 14:58:09

To you all you are having a horrid time 💐There are no words . I lost my sister last year near Xmas it was a release for her she had been ill a long time I took comfort from this .

Bellanonna Wed 05-Dec-18 15:09:42

Virtual flowers and hugs for Teetime and pastel. Mabon I think you need some too. Don’t be too harsh on people starting lighthearted threads. Gransnet needs a mixture of subjects and this one was fine. I’m genuinely so sorry for the worrying time you’re having.

MagicWriter2016 Wed 05-Dec-18 15:35:21

So sorry to read about your predicament teatime, death is never easy, if they go suddenly they leave their loved ones shocked and wishing they had had time to say all the things they didn’t get to say. But then if it’s a long drawn out illness, we wish it would end so our loved ones can be in peace! I hope your son in law gets his peace sooner rather than later.

As for the OP, I think this time of year kind of magnifies any problems our family are already having. We see everywhere in the media, how wonderful Xmas is, how all the family come together and have the best time ever, everyone gets the presents they want and the table is heaving with beautifully cooked food. But the reality is usually a lot different. Try and just enjoy your day alone with your hubby and watch whatever you fancy on tv, have a tipple and eat some of your favourite food xx

Mollyplop Wed 05-Dec-18 15:54:22

Wise words indeed. Everyone has stuff going on in their lives but as you rightly said, we need lighter threads to keep us smiling.

anitamp1 Wed 05-Dec-18 15:58:24

Teatime. Thoughts with you. You truly do have something to worry about. The rest of us should count our blessings.

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 16:04:08

I k ow &teetine*, morethan and mabon, have the most awful times going on for them but the problems others are facing can't be discounted either - they could just be the final straw.

It's not a competition and I think everyone deserves kindness!

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 16:05:20

And I've got a new phone.

kwest Wed 05-Dec-18 16:14:27

We often used to move Christmas to another date when my daughter was managing a hotel and my son was trying to fit in with his prospective in laws plans. It was still lovely to spend time with them and we could also have a lovely time on Christmas Day reading our new books and having lots of little treats.

Hollydoilly10 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:39:43

I have had 2 Christmases by myself and they are great. I can do what I like eat what I like and eat chocolate in my dressing gown if I want to.
I have come to realise that Children especially when they are grown have to live their own lives and have cultivated a life I like and want.
I realised that had my mother interfered with my life in the way I wanted to (Help) with theirs I would have been very angry.
Trust that the lessons you have taught them will help and relax and enjoy your time at Christmas.
We can only change our own lives not that of our children.
When I stopped trying to organise their Christmas they have come to include me more - not necessarily on Christmas day but all around the holidays.

Dukeybabe62 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:48:23

Oh Teetime, your post bought tears to my eyes.
We should all remember what is important at this time of the year
Wishing you and your family strength and peace

Dukeybabe62 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:49:04


mabon1 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:52:50

If it's not trivia about not making the bed whilst waiting for the cat to move is then what is?

You can celebrate and be excited as you want Gabriella but people should stop moaning about the cat on the bed!

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 17:02:01

It was my cat on the bed mabon - it was light hearted.

I have (or have had) lots of large (ish) worries in my life and will no doubt have more. One of my ways of dealing with things is to be light hearted- which obviously irritates some people. Another way is trying to fix things - which irritates other people.

Everyone deals with things differently!

Marydoll Wed 05-Dec-18 17:07:44

Mabon, Bellanonna is right, you need some kindness too. flowers.

Marydoll Wed 05-Dec-18 17:10:59

Kitty, my way of dealing with things is to be facetious, it doesn't always get taken the right way and sometimes gives the totally wrong impression of me.
As you say, we all deal with things differently.

Teetime Wed 05-Dec-18 17:26:45

Our lovely son in law died peacefully this afternoon...thankyou all so much for your kind thoughts. David would be the first person to want everyone to be happy and enjoy life... I love to share the humour and fun on here. Keep smiling xxx

jacq10 Wed 05-Dec-18 17:31:45

I feel so sad just now and yet comforted by Gransnetter's posts. My DH of 49yrs passed away very suddenly last week and we are now arranging his funeral. It is heartbreaking to read of youngsters losing one or sometimes two of their parents and parents having to grieve for the loss of a child. My parents died in their 60's and my DH and myself were so thankful we were able to enjoy his long retirement and DGS growing up - so many don't get that chance. My thoughts just now are with teetime and family.

Framilode Wed 05-Dec-18 17:42:27

So sorry tee time and jacq. No words but many thoughts.

NanKate Wed 05-Dec-18 17:47:15

Teetime Morethan Pastel and anyone else facing the prospect of losing someone close to you and your family, my deepest sympathies. We are always here for you to share your feelings. 💐💐💐

We are spending Christmas with our DS and two young GSs 7 and 5. We are going to find it very hard to explain to the boys that their mother will not be spending Christmas with them, as she will be with her new man. However comparing my sadness for the boys with those of you losing family members, I realise things are better for us than for others.

grannyactivist Wed 05-Dec-18 17:50:09

Teetime and jacq10 - my condolences. flowers

It can be easy to overlook self-care when times are fraught with emotion, so please remember to take a little time out to allow yourselves to grieve and look after yourselves.

Saggi Wed 05-Dec-18 17:51:07

To lighten the mood humbug to matching mum always insisted on it as did my gran, and my husband thinks it’s ‘oh do proper’. So .... unbeknownst to anybody I’ve gone out and bought 8 different dinner plates this Xmas and won’t the stuff shirts all feta surprise when the dinners eaten and all the plates can be seen in all there ‘different’ glory. My husband is cringing at the mere thought of it!!! Good enough reason to do it!! My hippie/funkie daughter will thouroughky approve ...not sure about my son. The grandkids won’t even notice!! Hahahaha ....roll on Xmas...I do all the prep and my rules.

Willow500 Wed 05-Dec-18 17:57:37

Teetime my condolences - such a sad day for you all flowers

So much sadness - thoughts are with all of you going through dreadful times.

kitnsimon Wed 05-Dec-18 18:35:50

good for you kazzerb !

mumofmadboys Wed 05-Dec-18 18:48:15

Sorry you are going through such hard times Teetime and Jacq10. Thinking of you both and my prayers for hope and courage for the future.x

Marydoll Wed 05-Dec-18 18:48:40

My condolences also, Teetime, jacq10 and any others experiencing loss. GN is a sad place tonight.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 19:02:03

For once, I agree. No cats (or any pets) on beds, however, you must allow that some posters don't have your mindset and each of us has differing levels of what is and is not worthy of posting on GN.

ValC Wed 05-Dec-18 19:03:39

So sorry teetime, at least he's at peace now.. My good wishes go to you and your family at this sad time.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 19:06:15

There will be sunshine and smile to be found in the memories.

Izabella Wed 05-Dec-18 19:13:34

Teetime - my heartfelt condolences.

Phoebes Wed 05-Dec-18 19:13:55

I started reading this post feeling a bit sad because we won’t have our daughter and her husband with us for Christmas. Then I carried on reading the posts and was saddened by how difficult Christmas is going to be for so many Gransnetters. I’m so sorry for you all. I just had an e-mail from an acquaintance as well, and her husband is about to pass away after a prolonged battle with cancer. It’s awful when a bereavement happens, but so much worse when the whole world is celebrating all around you.

bikergran Wed 05-Dec-18 19:27:35

Thoughts to anyone who is suffering with their own personal others have said in various posts.

Christmas is not all Joyful .Christmas is blended with sad thoughts , happy thoughts, thoughts of Christmases past.

Take care everyone

glammagran Wed 05-Dec-18 19:29:35

Deeply sorry for you family’s loss teetime. And to everyone else with family illness to contend with. 💐

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-18 20:05:55

My condolences too, to you both teetime and jacq10.

morethan2 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:25:11

Condolences to you and your family Teetime

Grandmashe43 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:46:10

Condolences to Teetime and Jaqui, such a sad time for you and your dear families x

KatyK Wed 05-Dec-18 20:46:16

So sorry teetime

KatyK Wed 05-Dec-18 20:58:57

Jacq flowers

lilypollen Wed 05-Dec-18 22:04:34

OP. I totally sympathise. Eldest broke up with girlfriend earlier this year, not his fault so doesn't want to know, says he's going abroad (even though he adores his niece/nephew) Youngest juggles emotions but ends up going with DIL to her parents for Xmas lunch, though coming here later. DH and I will be at the family seat for lunch. I think down to the pub but that will be bittersweet as we don't have our loyal 4 legged friend now.

harrigran Wed 05-Dec-18 23:40:33

Teetime my condolences on the loss of your lovely son in law flowers

harrigran Wed 05-Dec-18 23:43:47

jacq10 So sorry for your loss flowers

crazyH Thu 06-Dec-18 00:39:08

Jacqui and Teetine, so sorry 💐💐
Since my divorce, I hate Christmases.....I go with the flow for the sake of the little ones. My ex lives with his new wife in our town...we all live near each other and so the family dynamics are getting too much especially around this time. On top of that, my older son is in a right royal mood over something I said in the summer.....he is so full of angst. I feel like hiding from everyone from Xmas eve to Boxing Day - Sheer bliss if I could do it.

Pythagorus Thu 06-Dec-18 07:07:40

What I would like to do is fast forward the last week in December! Failing that, just turn up,the heating, fill the fridge with lovely food, put the télé on, have Xmas day in my pjs and please myself! Lol! It’s not going to happen ......... I will be going out to a nice hotel with friends for lunch and the. On Boxing Day, I am in charge of charades and games! Another day with friends ........ but before the. I have to do cards, wrap presents ....... all the usual malarkey! Hey ho, it will soon be the January sales!

Gingergirl Thu 06-Dec-18 07:13:34

All our problems are relative but important none the less. Christmas is a horrible time when you’re worrying about the family and can’t do anything to help. I’ve concluded that the only thing you can do is to distract yourself so arrange to do some nice things around the festive may not feel much like it but it’s better than just sitting fretting. And if it all falls flat on Christmas Day because you’re just at home without them, remember it’s only a day...and start to make some plans for the next day...and week...and the new year...hoping things will improve for everyone. It just rolls like this sometimes.....

Bathsheba Thu 06-Dec-18 07:16:47

Teetime and jacq I'm so sorry for your losses, they must be so very hard to deal with when all around you people are being jolly and festive. My heart goes out to you both, and to Pastel and morethan and others who are going through such difficult times. (((hugs))) and flowers for you all.

sluttygran Thu 06-Dec-18 08:22:36

So sorry for your troubles. I hope this grief soon passes for you and your daughter. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be. thanks

In reply to our OP, I used to have problems every Christmas with who was going where, and when, and with whom, so I’ve backed out of it.
I get in some supplies, and make it known that whoever wishes to visit is welcome.
If they can’t manage it, I look forward to seeing them when they have time.
It’s worked very well, no conflict, and the whole family usually manage to visit at some stage over the festive season.
There are four small grandchildren who clamour to see Nana, because they know there are treats in store - kids, eh? grin
This year I’ve been invited for Xmas lunch at my DD’s home, which is a step forward as she has severe OCD. and rarely manages visitors in her home.
I know it sounds silly, but this is a ray of hope to me after watching her suffer this debilitating mental disorder for so many years.

Anyway, whatever your arrangements, your joys or sorrows, I hope you all have a peaceful Christmas and a New Year full of happy days.

ditzyme Thu 06-Dec-18 09:58:22

Moving dates wouldn't make any difference, all those women who feel stressful would still feel stressful, though it might be better in warmer weather I suppose!

3211123rjc Thu 06-Dec-18 11:09:25

To TeeTime, Im so sorry to hear of your loss, nothing that can be said will take the pain away.

My husband lost his daughter to suicide about 6 years ago now, when she was 39 and left 3 children behind, with no father either, and he gets up every morning, puts one foot in front of the other and gets through his day, but still has a tear at certain times of year, hasn't forgotten but pain is just a little duller now.

To the rest of Gransnetters, sorry my trivia has niggled some, not my intention, having worked in a 3 9's service for 27 years, I am only too aware that there are others with bigger problems and not just at this time of year either. However, to be able to have just a little laugh is not a sin, even when your whole world is crashing at your feet. Merry Christmas

EllanVannin Thu 06-Dec-18 11:43:03

This is so very sad.