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Reply to my post on Facebook

(68 Posts)
Alexa Tue 04-Dec-18 16:12:27

I had replied to an interesting humorous but meaningful Facebook post from my adult grandson, who has studied philosophy at university . In my reply I commented on the philosophical meaning which interested me.

This morning my son , his father, responded that it was supposed to be a light- hearted post. And I felt snubbed. I wonder if my son feels the young man needs to be defended or something.

Sorry if this sounds really trivial but I really do feel son has snubbed me on a public Facebook page.

Ilovecheese Tue 04-Dec-18 16:52:42

Could your son be a tiny bit jealous of you and your grandson having a discussion that didn't include him?

Jane10 Tue 04-Dec-18 17:23:11

I don't think you should take this personally. He's just wanting to join in on a thread that's open to all you Facebook friends. Don't worry about it.

FlexibleFriend Tue 04-Dec-18 17:34:28

Jeez people are so easily offended by everything these days. We don't know your son so can't possibly know what he meant. Not much bothers me and I know what my kids mean when they say stuff, other people are a bit of a mystery tbh. I'd say lighten up and stop feeling snubbed but hey a really novel idea might be to speak to the people concerned because they might actually know what was meant.

Luckygirl Tue 04-Dec-18 18:37:31

Bloody facebook! - stay away from it!!!

Day6 Tue 04-Dec-18 18:51:15

I only have 53 Facebook friends and these are people I really know and have contact with in one way or another. (ie: I don't 'harvest' people or odd acquaintances. Lots of my regular friends of my age don't do Facebook) I tend to post things I find interesting/funny/important and invariably I get no 'likes'. grin I talk to myself and hope my observations may have brightened or interested others.

I am 'snubbed' all the time. or the same three people may 'like' studd I post. It really is a waste of time really but I do like to pass on things I enjoy or notice as worthy of a re-read.

In your case Alexa I'd be very tempted to post something along the lines of "I know this isn't serious but that particular aspect of it interested me" Or leave it altogether. FB moves on so quickly. You were probably the only one who thought your son was being a bit starchy. But yes, it is annoying and slightly humiliating. Try not to take it to heart. (I am completely crushed to be ignored so often...ha ha! )

Iam64 Tue 04-Dec-18 18:52:37

Don't take it personally and don't respond. Not worth getting into some kind of family thing about facebook.

BlueBelle Tue 04-Dec-18 19:01:19

Totally agree with Iam64 s post don’t take it so seriously and definitely not worth getting in a lather about

Mycatisahacker Tue 04-Dec-18 19:18:00

Text your son and tell him not to be such an arse. I have 3 grown up sons and I would do that in a heartbeat as they would do to me if I deserved it. Thats family.

Did he respond on FB or personally to you? To be honest those philosophical posts make me laugh as it’s usually all about the poster and in a grandson age person that’s fine. Your son however should know better.

Shortlegs Wed 05-Dec-18 09:46:09

Yep, sounds really trivial to me.

razzmatazz Wed 05-Dec-18 09:47:46

Sorry but I cannot see anything to be snubbed about. It's like someone saying " It was a joke " about something that was said . If it was on Facebook he was probably laughing as he said it but you can't see that . Far worse things happen at sea. I would never feel snubbed about that and I' m vey thin skinned normally.

Rosieroe Wed 05-Dec-18 09:47:58

Probably if he had put a laughing emoji after his comment you would have taken his comment less personally. It was probably an off the cuff reaction to your post sounding rather pretentious. You need to follow up with a witty comment in return to make the point that you can be humorous too.

LuckyFour Wed 05-Dec-18 09:57:45

I agree with Luckygirl, keep away from Facebook, it's mostly photos of themselves doing nothing much and the occasional picture of a flower in the garden. I just delete straight away.

Skweek1 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:02:20

I have about 10 FB friends - practically everyone in the world is friends of my Brazilian adopted sister in Rio! She has family in Canada (her sister married a Canadian), all over Brazil and when she visited England in her early 20s she brought her best friend, who I also really liked, so I added her as a FB friend, and now I seem to have got her whole American Italian family ( tbh, one I don't like that much, because she's a staunch Republican Trump fan and heaven help anyone who disagrees with his POV!). For all that, it's useful to be able to keep in touch, laugh at the jokes, admire the DC and DGC and a nice way to hear new ideas. If I want to react in a deeper way, I'll send an e-mail or maybe even by old-fashioned snail mail!

Irenelily Wed 05-Dec-18 10:04:59

I agree with Luckygirl and Luckyfour. Keep away! My eldest daughter and I have never been on Facebook. From what we hear from other members of the family it is a wise decision. We have a family What’s App for keeping in touch which is fun.

Lancslass1 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:07:30

Why go on Facebook ?
Why not respond via text or email to a family member.

red1 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:11:21

some of us are thick skinned some of us the opposite, when you put a personal issue on a internet forum,including this one you are open to many differing opinions,some helpful, some not.I don't use facebook anymore ,even my sons stopped using it,his reason was that he was tracked at every move.As someone said a closed facebook is better, even better on a personal issue is a close friend you can confide in.

Mycatisahacker Wed 05-Dec-18 10:14:28

There’s nothing wrong with FB as long as you don’t mind scrolling hundreds of mindnumbing photos or peoples food or cocktails and that most irritating bloody little moving elf! grin

Nannarose Wed 05-Dec-18 10:16:57

I bet your grandson loved your response!
And it was probably one of those posts that can be enjoyed at different levels.

Chewbacca Wed 05-Dec-18 10:18:08

This is going to sound really radical but..... how about picking up the phone and actually speaking to your son instead of trying to understand the sub text in a Facebook post? If his post has irked you so much, ask him about it. hmm

grandtanteJE65 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:24:33

This isn't trivial as it's worrying or annoying you, Alexa, but try to shrug it off. Otherwise you risk making a mountain out of a molehill.

Is your son interested in philosophy, or is he perhaps jealous that you and your grandson share an interest that he doesn't?

Rocknroll5me Wed 05-Dec-18 10:26:51

I think you are right to feel peed off. After all notifications on Facebook are public and we all know that to be dismissive of a family member or a friend in public is a no no. Don’t think think there is much you can do about it though except temporarily seethe and and get our support.
I have a quite disagreeable SIL in person but he is always supportive and friendly online and that does a lot to keep our relationship on even keel. So it’s not trivial, he is telling you to back off. And that hurts. It’s sll about boundaries physical and virtual. As someone else said he is standing between you and your grandson and wanting to direct the communication. Your wisdom will dictate. We learn a lot everyday. Overall though it is about manners but also that massive gulf that children have in not recognising their elders brains when it doesn’t suit.
Great forbearance needed.

ReadyMeals Wed 05-Dec-18 10:50:55

You don't really know who is at the bottom of this though. For all you know (OP) it could be that the grandson whinged and moaned about your comment until your son felt forced to say something to keep him quiet. Or maybe it was the DIL or who knows. Social media makes people criticise other people's behaviour in a way they would never do face to face. I'd let it drop just for the sake of peace cos facebook stuff has a way of escalating that, like I said, would never happen in the room together.

sarahellenwhitney Wed 05-Dec-18 11:03:57

Alexa. Your son needs to get a life and you do not have to justify what you did to him or anyone. What happened to freedom of speech?

mabon1 Wed 05-Dec-18 11:09:13

Forget it.

NemosMum Wed 05-Dec-18 11:11:32

Think very hard about what you say on FB! I (try to) restrict my contributions to 'liking' friends' photos of gardens/pets/babies/pretty landscapes, and my posts are on similar topics. It's lovely to see photos of friends and family, and I'm happy to keep in touch that way, but it's no medium for debate! In future, Alexa, if you have an interesting point to make about a post, it might be better to send a private message. There is always the suspicion that the third party (your son) is fighting another battle with you under this guise. I wouldn't pursue it if I were you. See if he says anything else, but for goodness sake, don't carry on family business in public.

grannytotwins Wed 05-Dec-18 11:17:03

Delete the comment and ask your son why he felt it necessary to contact you about it. I know I would be very upset if it were me and would go over and over it in my head until I understood what had caused the upset.

lizzypopbottle Wed 05-Dec-18 11:19:52

Alexa I hope you can get over your hurt feelings quickly. Text has no intonation or facial expression so can often come across as cold and critical when that's not meant.

On a sort of similar theme, I commented on an ideal home post that showed a Christmas living room with stockings, tree and presents all really close to a roaring fire. I suggested it was a dangerous scenario. Back came the replies along the lines of, 'It's only a photo, lighten up!' etc. My response was Monkey see, monkey do! Perhaps I am too serious and analytical.....but that's me and I'll still comment 😀

ReadyMeals Wed 05-Dec-18 11:25:11

Ah yes delete the comment was good advice from GrannyToTwins. If your son's reply was connected under your comment, then it will delete yours and his reply, which will even things up.

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-18 11:26:10

Lizzy I once made the mistake of commenting on a ScaryMommy post 😱
My comment was very mild but I was quickly shot down in flames grin

notentirelyallhere Wed 05-Dec-18 11:29:25

Facebook is such a nightmare, it's so easy for something to be taken the wrong way. Probably the comment about something being intended to be light hearted was said jokingly but of course, how would one know?!

I can be quite a serious person and I can imagine responding to the philosophical side of a post with interest. However, it seems to me nowadays that everything has to be light hearted and delivered in just a few words or even syllables or the dreaded emoticons. No one thinks anymore, grumble, grumble. I'd forget about it, OP, or reply in kind if you can be bothered!

susieq3 Wed 05-Dec-18 11:30:41

Alexa, this is the sort of thing my son would. It is thoughtless and hurtful. Let it drop or you may find it goes on and on.

Reevangel Wed 05-Dec-18 11:33:25

I've learnt my lesson with my daughters generation on FB, I use messenger if I want to comment on something. Normally they don't like long comments. I would ask your grandson if your comment was ok?
There's a whole lot of nuanced etiquette that needs to be explained to us older generation. Your son is being an idiot.
Talk to your grandson.

Minerva Wed 05-Dec-18 11:33:59

I wonder how many youngsters have grandparents as Facebook Friends. I’m on Facebook because I admin a health group and also keep an eye on one of my offspring abroad which was her idea. I can connect too with relatives my own age living at some distance and living more interesting lives than mine.

Two of my three adult children opted out of FB years ago. I would love to be linked to one Daughter in law who didn’t opt out, so that I could see some of the beautiful photos she puts up but I wouldn’t want to embarrass her by inviting myself.

I absolutely wouldn’t dream of inviting myself on to my grandchildren’s FB however much I adore them and would be curious to see what they say to friends. It would feel like snooping. They would have to say yes but I can’t believe it would be what they want.

Mycatisahacker Wed 05-Dec-18 12:02:48

I agree with ^chew* as I said upthread I would ring my son and ask him what he meant. We don’t do sweep under the carpet In our family. That festers.

Golightly Wed 05-Dec-18 12:05:51

I hate the way people sometimes use public Facebook timelines for personal statements/messages; I have a DiL who does this and it has caused huge problems in our family. I now never make a personal comment and find grandchildren do not always appreciate us oldies commenting so only do so if it is something nice to them. I will do a like if I find something amusing.
Use private messaging if you can't phone or see them personally.

Mycatisahacker Wed 05-Dec-18 12:07:34


Honestly I wouldn’t worry as the youngsters keep FB for oldies like us to communicate with them but they use Instagram to communicate with their friends.

MagicWriter2016 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:14:23

I am very wary of commenting on any social media platform now as my grand daughter isn’t ‘acknowledging ‘ me at all now over something really stupid. We had a group chat going on and her, her mum and her aunts were all drinking at the time. She is 19, but she is one of these people who takes everything you say literally. Anyway, she was going on about loving her mum and I jokingly said ‘if you carry on creeping like tha5 you will get carpet burns on your legs’ or some such nonsense. Everyone else on the group chat thought it was funny as they knew I was joking apart from her. She swiftly left the group and has ignored me ever since! I have now stopped ‘following ‘ her posts as it does get hurtful sometimes, but I still ask after her when talking to her mum and will carry on sending her Xmas and birthday cards and pressies. One day she might realise she has taken it way over the top, but have told her mum, am not contacting them Xmas day as they will all be drinking and I might get in trouble again! We live in Spain now.

Like someone else has said, folk are so touchy nowadays about everything, what happened to a sense of humour!

Cathy21 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:47:54

I have been in hospital for 33 days and its a Godsend to me. I follow groups like “Wallasey Memories” and exchanging old memories of Wallasey where I lived as a child is a lovely time filler.

janeainsworth Wed 05-Dec-18 13:14:11

Cathy I renewed a childhood friendship through a local group. We hadn’t seen each other for nearly 60 years.
Facebook is great if used with consideration for others.
I hope you are on the mend soonflowers

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 13:29:24

Three words...GET A LIFE

Jalima1108 Wed 05-Dec-18 13:54:02

Facebook is great if used with consideration for others.
Definitely - it depends how you and others use it.

Especially if family are far away.

suttonJ Wed 05-Dec-18 14:15:04

Well said Gabriella. FB is not worth it. Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

yggdrasil Wed 05-Dec-18 15:44:20

I don't see many mindnumbing photos or peoples food or cocktails, but then my friends don't do that. (OK there are a couple who overdose on cats).
Maybe you should prune your friends list? :-)

fluttERBY123 Wed 05-Dec-18 15:54:52

They might have taken it that you were trying to be seen as more clever that your grandson and putting him down in some way.

People can get hurt or offended in a discussion or debate but that's the whole point of them, to make us see the other side of an argument. If that is stopped, as in de-platforming people, we are doomed.

harrysgran Wed 05-Dec-18 17:20:21

If you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen people join in on a conversation then get upset if they don like a comment

Saggi Wed 05-Dec-18 17:44:08

Stay awake from bloody’s toxic!!

Saggi Wed 05-Dec-18 17:44:31

‘away from’

Daisyboots Wed 05-Dec-18 18:05:43

I know how hurtful some people can be in their replies especially when they are trying to put you down or trying to make the themselves look bigger. Now I use the emojis and either use the sad (crying one) or the laughing one against their posts if they are trying to make me or others look small.

annep Wed 05-Dec-18 18:14:39

I wouldn't be friends on fb with grandchildren. But if you're going to use fb you need to develop a thick skin. or restrict activity.

ditzyme Thu 06-Dec-18 09:56:56

I think it amazing that so many people with lots and lots of so-called 'friends' on Facebook actually think these people fit the criteria of friends in the true sense of the word. Would they help if you needed it, if only to be there to message privately? Do they know all about you, or as much as your 'real' friends do, assuming you have real and virtual friends? Would they be sorry if you stopped chatting to them? Boasting about the numbers of 'friends' you have, does it make you feel good? Needless to say, I am not on Facebook!

Jalima1108 Thu 06-Dec-18 10:20:18

It's fine if used sensibly - my friends on FB are good friends whom I don't see often as they live too far away and ditto with family.

Anja Thu 06-Dec-18 10:56:40

Nothing wrong wth FB. Just delete your own comment and forget about it. Or perhaps post something stupid like ‘my bad’ which seems to be some sort of acknowledgement that you got it wrong wth the younger generation.

annep Thu 06-Dec-18 11:01:07

Yes its fine if used sensibly.

OurKid1 Thu 06-Dec-18 11:28:43

Forget it this time - it's happened and that's it. Maybe considering just using FB for 'liking' photos and updates, rather than engaging in conversation. I read somewhere that conversations on FB's public pages are rather like watching a play where one of the actors started a conversation with a family member in the audience - so making it public. Best avoided I think. In real life you can 'read' someone's facial expression and tone of voice so can adjust comments accordingly. Bit like Gransnet I suppose, though I think we're all aware of the pitfalls there!

PECS Thu 06-Dec-18 13:47:17

Really ReadyMeals? Do not make a mountain out od a molehill!

It was probably a typical mis-read on FB!

Either OP did not 'get' what her DGS was really saying and responded too seriously, DS could have just let it go but just did an unthinking reply! Or DS did not get it and was confused by DMs reply & thought she had misread it.

Either way it really not worth a lot of thinking about or a major family fall out.

Just post a grinning emoji and move on!grin

Alexa Thu 06-Dec-18 14:19:11

What has happened is that I asked my son "why did you snub me on Facebook?" and he had not thought about his reply much at all . I doubt very much that my reply to my grandson, who is listed among my ' friends ' on FB, matters much to him in any way. My reaction seesm to have been a storm in a teacup due to my not getting out enough. Thanks to all who responded to me especially the understanding ones flowers

PECS Thu 06-Dec-18 18:03:59

Glad it is sorted Alexa grin

Blencathra Fri 07-Dec-18 07:35:38

Excellent solution from PECS.
Glad it is sorted. The lesson is ‘don’t overthink things’.

jaylucy Fri 07-Dec-18 11:27:48

Don't feel snubbed. For some reason sons in particular seem to have this idea that they are protecting you by correcting you on comments you make - I've had it happen to me several time by my own son! I usually respond by either posting an emoji of laughing , or even better, of someone sticking their tongue out ! Just carry on as normal - if you want to comment on your grandson's posts, do - it's up to him to put you straight if he doesn't want you to!

ReadyMeals Fri 07-Dec-18 11:53:24

PECs I find deleting a message IS the easiest way to stop hills of any size developing.

Mycatisahacker Fri 07-Dec-18 14:12:41

Aw glad it’s sorted op. So your ds didn’t mean to snub you or upset you. Good outcome and don’t give it any more headspace

Speldnan Sat 08-Dec-18 09:29:20

My daughter often does this kind of thing to me- she’ll say I’m a grumpy old woman if I say anything negative on a post. She’s been known to delete my posts if she thinks it might embarrass her mates! I know better now than to comment on any of her posts unless totally benign or very positive! I think she’d really rather we weren’t friends on FB but I like to be on it to keep up with absent family members and friends.

Alexa Sun 09-Dec-18 18:39:45

FluttERBY123, you described my feelings precisely and that was what was worrying me.

Alexa Sun 09-Dec-18 18:40:55

fluttERBY123, you described my feelings precisely , and that was what was worrying me.

Jaxie Tue 11-Dec-18 08:44:41

I've come to the conclusion at the age of 75 that the hurt I've felt at similar snubs to this is the direct result of my own low self esteem. Now I tell them all ( mentally) to eff off. We all have friends and family who value us and would forgive us anything and those who will never " get us". Their problem, not ours.

Elegran Tue 11-Dec-18 09:09:52

What a lot of people confuse the medium with the message!

Facebook is only another means of communicating, like letters, postcards, greetings cards, telephones, magnetic noticeboards, music requests with loving messages, banners towed across the sky etc etc etc. Plenty of nasty messages can be sent by old-fashioned letter or said over the phone. No-one curses the telephone because someone has shouted at them over the line, or decvlares that they are never gouing to write another letter to anyone because of what was written to them.

If Facebook friends post hurtful things, it is because those friends typed in the words - Facebook itself didn't. Or perhaps they just typed in something that wasn't meant to be hurtful at all, but was misunderstood.

ReadyMeals Tue 11-Dec-18 09:21:06

I have become very trigger-happy with the "block" option on facebook these days. That does wonders for the self-esteem too smile